non-lucid

…In a large building. I go up some stairs to the second floor, which has a kind of mezzanine surrounding the first floor on one side and another section off to my right. There is a picture of C-- here, a girl I recently met…

…In a large building, going up and down stairs. The building reminds me of one of the administrative buildings on the campus of IUP. There is a girl going down one set of stairs, and I am going down another. I want to be the first to reach the bottom floor…

…Watching the new Dr. Who. I had speculated in waking life that I dream more about the classic Dr. Who than the new version, and in my dream I wonder if that is true. I don’t become lucid though…

7th May

Dream:

Don't remember the start but was in a game doing some crop-related things while I was appearing offline or something. All of a sudden, a female character shows up and starts punching me up with some flying fists. At first I assumed it was A but then I die and respawn and notice it's someone else that I don't know.

It's a Spanish player and we mostly speak in Spanish. I realise my accent is a bit broken but that doesn't stop me so much. I tell her I don't remember knowing her, I assume it's possible I've just forgotten who she is but she doesn't really answer the question or seem bothered by this, anyway. Then she starts telling me how she used to live on some place called something "Peak". In the dream I had some vague memory of it. I ask her if she had a place nearby on K and she insists not, but my dream memory tells me she did.

In any case, she then tells me how she'd lost everything. I realise I don't care about my place so much anymore and offer to give her some stuff and tell her we need to go to my place in the game. Most of this seems to take place on K. We then start going through some portals or something, and I start carrying her on my back for some reason. I remember some other players spotting us and staring for a minute.

Then eventually we're at my old (actual) home, it's night time and dark. I walk into the room that used to be L's and there's an extra bed like a sofa bed. There's a computer with an old CRT screen on the desk and I think about using it to give her some stuff? She asks me some questions and I answer, I think mostly about the room? I think she just looks like a person now and not a game character.

Then all of a sudden while we talk, my sibling T sits up. T had been sleeping on the extra bed all along and we somehow hadn't realised. Looked younger and not so scruffy? I apologise and say I didn't realise. I look at the screen for a moment and it has something like Diablo on it. We leave the room and go to my old room instead. But essentially, the exact same thing happens again there. I don't remember to question the dream-like nature of what just happened. Rest of dream recall is mostly gone. Scraps of being in the street and talking to this Spanish girl.

---

Notes:
- The initial context within the dream of giving my stuff away is a common occurrence anyway when I'm playing games in which you are able to hoard or accumulate stuff. I often end up giving stuff away because I have not created any particular attachment to it or feel like I might not be putting it to good use any time soon. One further note on this regard is that sometimes I feel that my kindness is taken but not appreciated, it becomes "old history" so to speak of rather quickly, with some people, while others do remember it for a long time.
- Although I wrote this dream months ago, I have the feeling that the computer screen in L's room was a CRT, but this may be a false memory now. When I wrote that it has something like Diablo on it, I think I meant that it had Diablo II just running but with nothing happening.

4th May

Fragment:

A few dreams, the last one was in some kind of hotel room with two of my cousins, from dad's side. I don't remember much furniture at all We had some backpacks, mine was nothing like I've ever owned however. It was blue, bulky and square-ish; I have seen these in the past and have wondered what it would be like to have one, often thinking they are "cool".

But for some reason, we all got naked; there was some kind of pretext about us being smelly at the end of the day or something; then the two of them went to shower. I remember peeking through the somewhat open bathroom door and seeing two walk-in shower/wetroom areas, but only one shower head/hose. C was washing herself, and then her sister in turns. I think they were giggling for some reason.

Dream:

Not sure where or how this one started but I was in a city; sunny and stray white clouds. I remember lots of cut limestone blocks in the buildingwork, so it was like areas from my old home. This place was very busy, it was like one of the town/city areas with lots of public space. R from university was there. At first I walked right past him, it took me a while to recognise him.

His hair was slightly curled rather than flat. He was sitting or leaning against a wide limestone edge and was sweet talking with his girlfriend who was practically in his face and vice versa. I retraced some steps back as I realised it was him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and greeted me, apparently happy to see him. I remember conversation, but not its content.

A transition? I'm somewhere entirely different, I can't recall the environment very well but I can only describe it as dirty and gritty. Dominant hues in red, orange and moss green.

There was a small apartment building here, not far from a road, fourty to sixty yards. The building had a kind of trough dug around it, but not very deep, no more than a foot deep. More like a small dip really, and outside the trough circling the building, was a effectively a circular pile of guns. There were so many piled up I can't even guess at the number. Some had bright colours. Reminds me of Borderlands somehow. I remember going inside and walking through some poorly lit halls until I came to a flat that was quite small, the door was wide open. It looked a mess. There were some closed curtains and the room was poorly lit too. Outside still seemed dark-ish.

I think I was here with someone, maybe H? But I don't remember what else happened in the room. I think there was a third person, a woman possibly. Then I remember being outside the building, I'm walking over the pile of guns carefully as I assume them all to be loaded. I look to my right and there's this shack made of corrugated panels or the like and there's a gang hanging out there.

Some woman, possibly the one from before, stands next to me and tells me I should go talk to them. They've been causing havoc for some time in the region/area. I agree at first but then I look down and see some blue and red grenade launchers. I pick them up, not as heavy as I might expect. I turn to the left and aim at a tree or something which is at a similar distance to me as the gang was. I fire a few practice shots. I then quickly turn back towards the gang and start firing a hail of grenades over their shack. They grab some guns and start running towards me shouting and shooting with poor aim. I remember noticing a health display of sorts over some of them that were injured. They got quite close, but I still kept using the grenades to fight them.

Recall fades a bit but then there was a transition and I remember being in some hallways, dark and moonlit. My recall stops about here.

This time I'm on a vast field, seems like a farm, a girl is riding a pony, attached to some wooden wagon. She's going around an aplpe tree, my view zooms into the girls face, and I notice she's a friend from my childhood. I feel transported to the wagon, I hang right behind it, but my friend haven't noticed. I grip and hold on tighter as she picks up the speed, now my feet are flapping in the air, just like a flag! The pressure in my hands are building so much that I feel an uncomftable pain, in the center of the palm, I let go one of my hands, just to see what's causing the pain. (To my surprise Im still holding an amethyst pendulum, that I wrapped around my fingers, before drifting to deep sleep!) I look at my hand, and it looks purple/blue! I'm dreaming! I immediately let go my other hand and get left behind with the wind.

I have landed in a small western village, to the distance I see I sign, apparently they're giving away some used items. I feel transported towards the sign and it has chaged to some other kind of advertaisment, I decide to take another glance at my hands and a quick rubbing. I go in the shop, and I don't see anybody at first, I look to my right, and two cowboys are aproaching towards me. They're holding two black frames, in both of them I see two naked cowboys, just wearing a brown hat, a big belt with shiny buckles and decorations, around their waste, and the typical cowboy boots. One of them says with an accent: "doh ya' wunt hem?" I say: "sure!" (thinking I could use them to frame my own artworks).
The other man asks: "are ya' from tha city?". I say: "no, but I live near the woods". He asks again: " do ya' know how to milk a cow?" (The instant click for the TOTM!!). I say: "no, but I bet I can milk one of ya'll hats!, this time I spin around to stabilize the dream, and when I slow down I ask one of the man: " may I have your hat?" he says: " well let's see what ya' can do!", then he hands me the brown hat.
I grabbed the hat by each end and start twisting it slowly, as it gets tighter and tighter, the hat starts to shrink. (I think I'm screwed, because that's not how someone would usually milk a cow!), so I turned the hat vertically and I started doing a pulling down motion, slowly, from the bottom end.

The hat is now looking more like a piping pastry bag, two silky drops coming down towards the floor! it works!, the man are just staring at it. I kneeled down, and I smell some honey with a hint of onion. (shit it must be the sweat of his forehad, I think) I dip my finger in it, and then tasted it, and as I tought, sweet and salty...I spitted out, and goes right on the man's boot, he reacts by saying: "dem boya' got lot'all boooaaalls!. I feel a punch coming, and I douge it. I try to run as fast as I can but I get tangled in one of the frames, one of the man grabs my shirt and shreds it off.. I drop to the floor and crawl under a counter, covered by some fabric, then I 'm looking at an uneven board, I see is a compartment on the floor, I opened quickly and go in some secret staircase. Now is pitch black, and I can feel my WL body, so I remain ralaxed. Then my body starts shaking..! (it's my youngest son Gabriel, rocking me back and fort, because he needs my company by his bed..so I go with him.

Spoiler for amethyst pendulum :

I dreamt about going through a desert trying to catch up with a friend, fighting weird monsters on the way...
...then I was on a bus full of weird people and alcoholics...I met a friend there ,but I was distracted by this naked man who had random patches of wet white fur on his body, I didnt see his private parts, but he may not have had them at all...

Morning of July 18, 2020. Saturday.

Dream #: 19,570-02. Reading time (optimized): 2 min.



My waking-life identity is absent throughout this dreaming experience. My dream’s backstory emerges as an atypical narrative where I am pretending to be a high-ranking military officer. I have an unfamiliar younger male partner who is working with me. Even so, the outcome is to result in delivering something to a genuine naval ship or a high-ranking officer.

The narrative otherwise firstly links as a precursory factor to the usual instinctual summoning of imaginary kinaesthesia to vivify the dream state. In this case, the vehicle resembles a WWI US Standard B Liberty Army Truck, though with the driver’s side on the right. My partner and I are trying to convince an unknown civilian male to give us items from a research laboratory that relate to recent discoveries in molecular biology. He is uncertain if we are legitimate but decides to cooperate with us. He wants to ride with us as well, reflecting that he hoped he had put his trust in the right people.

My partner drives the truck as my dream vivifies, and night becomes day. The streets and high embankments are all white sand as we travel. At one point, the vehicle goes onto a small wooden raft, and it simultaneously takes us across a river as if the momentum of the truck put it in motion. We travel around for a few minutes on a battleship that has areas that make it appear more like a cargo ship.

The three of us stand outside a military base. A general walks out to greet us, and I salute him. He seems to recognize my partner and me but greets me as a “French pig.” I do not take it as an insult, but I am puzzled because I am supposed to be an American officer. The man we brought here does not seem to notice this contradiction. A private appears and will lead us to where we are to give what the other man took from the small town laboratory to the general.

My dream vivifies as imaginary kinaesthesia and physicality exponentially increase when I focus on my walking I try to maintain as a formal swagger.

We sit on what seems to be part of a dock. The general sits down farthest from the water’s edge. An unknown woman is nearby, and I consider I should show my identification. I intend to hold up my badge, but instead, hold my left hand up in a C shape as if holding an invisible one, as my summoning did not work. She does not say anything but appears slightly puzzled.

We give the general the item. It is a resealable sandwich bag containing chocolate chip cookies. After he eats one, he takes notice of one that is bigger and of a lighter color than the others. Baked within it is microfilm. He holds it up to the light and studies one section of exposed microfilm in a thinner area of the cookie. “This is what I expected,” he says, and thanks us.

---

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7/17/2020
Fell asleep at ~1AM.
Woke up at 6:30AM
Woke up at 8AM,
Woke up at 9:30, chilled for a while and wrote down tags for 1 dream

What to work on: Using SSILD and becoming lucid
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dream 1(Baseball): I was going to an olympic festival with my family. There were many people going to celebrate and support their family members. One guy had a baby rhino on a leash. The rhino was SUPER excted and kept running around. At one point it got too excited and was causing trouble so the owner shortened the leash and made it mostly immobile. At this point it was mad and it looked like a big dog now with a ton of fur. We were going to play baseball against this other family during this festival. They weren't as good as we were. I asked if my dad brought my glove and he brought me one but it was really stiff. I played around with it for a bit and it was ok after.

Dream 2(Fire nature lady): I think this was connected to the last dream, we may have started talking about the history of the event and then this video started playing and I was seeing the video from first person perspective. There was this hand brushing off dead pine needles from trees. This happened for a while then the hand grabbed a branch. It held on for a bit and then I saw it was this thin old lady. She took her hand off and there were new little sprouts in the tree there. She was clearly someone very in touch with nature and had some kind of magical powers. People said she was actually evil though, she caused a big problem. She demonstrated her fire powers to people. I saw that like from a video and then became a person watching her. She was showing people she could make fire and then she killed everyone watching except for me, I as hidden a bit. I rebelled against everyones praise for her and said what she does is terrible! Everyone condemned me and I had to to the boring work sector to serve all the boring meaningless tasks.

I am inside a building, it's really dark inside. A girl is helping a boy to find is hat. I offer my help and start searching in the a dark hallway. I see something brown, couple of feet away. As I get there, I see a brown cowboyhat, I ask them: " is this the one your looking for?". She says: "yes, you found it! I give it to the girl, she reshapes, cleans, and gives it to the boy. I see he's wearing the hat happily.

Now I'm outside, in front of a metal gate or some mesmerizing structure. My vision focuses on a specific spot, then I zoom into a small, round screen, with vertical lines. I'm absorbed by the screen, and transport myself inside one of the gaps, only a small niddle would fit through.

I'm foating inside the structure and is dark, but as I look upwards, I see some silhouettes floating. It seems to be animal figures, foating altogether, in a horizontal line. As a wonder in amazement I find my own hands! I Immediately know I'm dreaming, I wonder around, so I feel I need stabilize the dream by doing a quick RC, by checking closely my hands. My right one seems smaller, and my left one has 6 fingers. I look a few objects and back to my hands, then a little rubbing. It's pretty stable the dream, and I look at the wall to see if I can find a clock to track time. To my surprise there's a round clock, it's around 3:30. I see is glowing and has an image. I'm going to keep walking, but I feel the need to see the image. First I see an electric guitar, as I keep staring at it, there's Jesus holding the guitar, facing sideways, and he's carrying a drum around his shoulder.

I walk outside the building, but feels more like a house now. Outside is kind of foggy, but rainbow colors all around. To my left I see some pine trees and I see some hunters shooting from a distance. I quickly walk towards a garage and I try to close the door but It only closes halfway ; the hunters arrive and pull the door upwards. I'm halfway lucid, so I tell one of them: "just shoot me", while I put my chest out. Then I change mi mind, I'm don't want to get shot! They drop some bullets, and I start juggling them, pretty much struggling. I feel the tension building, until finally get shot in the stomach! ( a red light blinks, is nothing but the REM mask! Dang it!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7/16/2020
Fell asleep at ~12:30AM.
Woke up at 6:30AM
Woke up at 8AM, maybe wrote down tags
Woke up at ~9:15, wrote down some tags as I drift in and out of more dreams

What to work on: Using SSILD and becoming lucid
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dream 1(Chilling on beach):I was with my brother and we were going to the beach. I might remember someone saying Oka beach but not totally sure. We walked through this crowded area which had modern structures then got to the water. There were many more waves than last time. I found a boogie board and started hitting the waves. After a couple I saw the Rainvilles on the beach. Phil had been boogie boarding so much he had a rash on the side of his neck in the same spot that I was having some discomfort. We talked a little then they left.

Dream 2(Painting): I was with my friend Ezra painting at the top of a school. He was high. We were painting the ceiling while laying down on this elevated platoform. Some teacher found us and came up to us. She said we look like 2 really high kids. I thought that was kind of funny and told her she could test me, I'm sober. We just like painting. She said she was going to bring us down and make us count 100 dimes. I thought that was the easiest test ever. We went to the office then outside. She started talking to this man who had a board game I had never seen. I assumed she was going to use it to test us. Then she told us to go climb up this thing so we did. We had to wait for her a little so I closed my eyes and was doing pullups on the bar. I did a ton very effortlessly. Then we climbed up and it was a great view. Then it started raining. We were sheltered. Another woman climbed up as it started raining, she was seeking shelter. After it started raining the building started to move and we were moving along this crowd of people that were all walking in one direction. We started singing the classic canadian chant "oleeeee ole ole oleeee, oleeeee, oleeeee". Many pople joined us. Then we started going through this tunnel where the chants echoed and got more intense.

Dream 3(Drink w/ Catherine): Catherine had brought all of the family to a museum and she opened a bottle of rose to share with us all. She gave me a glass and I accepted before thinking about the commitment I've made with Louis. Many of the rooms felt very familiar, like I had been there before. I think I have in a dream before. I saw this arrangement of pretzel sticks covered in melted cheese, it looked like it was made that day.

In the dream I was back in NJ, at the church I used to go. Some children are playing around in the church's basemant. At one point they needed to read the bible, so I ofered to go and find one. I go upstairs, and in one of the rooms, before the altar, I find Cesar, the deacon. I asked him if he has a bible available, and he says sure, here you go. I take the small bible and head out to the basement, but instead I go the wrong way and I end up on the left side of the altar, 3 benches away from it. I go towards the benches and I dock, not to be seen. Then I realize that I'm just wearing my underwear, now I'm really screwed in here, I think. My perseption shifts toward the midle lane; a blonde lady comes through, preaching outloud, and walking like in a beauty pageant. I think to myself "this lady is so chill, she doesn't even care what the priest or people would say about her". All the atettion focuses on her, but now she's sitting down with her family and she is taking about a testimony of life, some kind of miracle that hapened in her life. I couldn't remember exactly what she said about it.

Note: This is one of my recurring dreams, since I moved 5 years ago, from NJ. to NC. I did quit going to church around the time I learned about Lucid Dreaming. The priest was actually a good friend of mine, but never got back in touch with him since then. I feel I should call him and say: "hello padre! ARE You DREAMING!!!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7/15/2020
Fell asleep at ~1AM.
Woke up at 6:30AM
Woke up at 8AM, maybe wrote down tags
Woke up at 9:30, wrote down some tags as I drift in and out of more dreams

What to work on: Writing down tags upon waking from first couple alarms and using SSILD
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dream 1(AoT/naruto): I was in this world where there had been many cases of people blowing up shops. A few times I was near these people who just lobbed small grenades at the front of the shop and I told Maria to run. One time they were kids and so I stopped 1 of them and couldnt find the other after. At another point I was high on a balcony and I was talking to a friend of mine. We were speaking about how I'm not safe here and people are after me. At one point he mentioned his sibling had received some of my packages, they were all like weapons. Then my enemy came, he was like orochimaru from naruto. He chased me all over the sides of the tall buildings and then I finally did something that showed him we have something in common and need to work together. We teleported back to the miniature map of that location and then started talking. Him and someone else turned into AoT giants which were regular size, they had no genitals. I had a boner. Then Evan found these 2 sex toys-ish. One was a sleeve you put on your dick and the other was an even longer sleeve to put over that sleeve. He put them on. I wanted to try them and before I could Lopez came and gave us weird looks like we werent supposed to be doing that with the display items.

Dream 2(Max/Matthew trying to kill me): I was at home and I remember Max getting mad and pulling a gun on me. I was trying to stop him by aiming the gun away from me and eventually he shot and missed. I had time to get away while he reloaded. I ran outside and he was running after me but I was running a bit faster than him. I wasnt even running full speed. Then I ran full speed and really gained some distance on him. I ran around many street corners and stopped at one point. I turned around to see and he came around a corner but it was Matthew now. I was running really fast and was able to make huge leaps. I jumped and ran around huge green areas and jumped over water. I leaped so large at one point I thought I was going to hurt myself. It was like I was on the moon or less gravity. I eventually got away from matthew.

Dream 3(School trip): I was on a school trip to some foreign place and we each had a spot to share with a couple classmates. I shared with Lorne and maybe someone else. At one point Kim showed up at my place and we hung out for a bit. Later we had to get ready to leave for a certain time. I picked up all my shit really quick and went downstairs. I dropped my book along the way so went back upstairs but went too far up, I went to some really fancy rooms that other people were staying at. I went back down and found my book in our room. I brought it back down and put it in my bag. We still had extra time and Lorne was wandering a little at the entrance of the building and were talking to someone who was interrupted by 2 ladies who needed him to dance. They all started dancing and we joined them for a little then left.


Dream 4(man breaks out of chamber with chainsaw and wants to get us): Thats it.

(Note: The longer my dreams are, the harder it is for me to remember details, particularly conversations, and this was a long one. There’s several hours’ worth of material here that I can only remember happened at all because I can remember remembering it in a later part of the dream, and this does raise questions of whether they ever actually played out. But, for what it’s worth, it doesn’t feel to me as if that’s what happened, and I do have many cases of knowing dream memory is working in that way to compare it to.)

The earliest part I can remember is of a disaster taking place, a flood sweeping through a public building of some kind. Everybody is trying to get out. I’m one of the last out, but I wait, holding the door open so that the waters don’t forcibly close it and trap the one person who’s still there. It took him a while to believe this was actually happening (understandable, considering how weird it is), so he didn’t get out as quickly as everyone else.

After this series of events is the biggest memory gap, which seems to mainly consist of meeting up with a large group of people and preparing for some kind of expedition together. I become lucid not long before we’re going to set off, although it’s not so much me realizing that it’s a dream as it is the unconscious knowledge that it’s a dream, which I’ve been acting on this whole time, becoming conscious. And this sort of makes it feel as if I’ve been lucid the whole time, if that makes sense.

I’m looking out the window of a house onto the rolling fields beyond as it happens. I still have some preparation to do here, though, so I’m still here packing as everybody else is leaving. I’m taking my hiking backpack, the black one with yellow trim. It occurs to me to wonder whether I need to do this in a dream, since I can just make things appear if I need them. But I have the impression, based on earlier conversations, that I might not be able to do that in some of the places we’re going, and so I’ll want to make sure I have essentials with me, at least. The last thing I grab is my brown aviator-style jacket, which I fold and pack into the backpack before buckling it and heading downstairs and outside.

I can just see somebody disappearing past the other side of the house, down a broad stone staircase. That’s where everybody’s gone. I try flying part of the way, but perhaps because of the hiking backpack—even though it doesn’t feel heavy—it’s hard to get more than a couple feet off the ground. But flying seems to be slower than running anyway, so I just run around the side and down the stairs.

I’m now in an area with several platforms rising a distance above the ground. Next to one on the far side is a cliff wall with a small tunnel partway up, a little above head height. A young women is nearby – it seems she had to stop to do something before going onward. I jump onto one of the platforms, where I see some piled-up clothing. I recognize it as a kind of uniform for us to wear. It looks a bit like a karate gi: loose pants and a shirt that ties around the front, white, though a little discolored with age and threadbare in places. On some of the edges, flowers are embroidered in pale colors. I put it on over my clothing.

Jumping onto the last platform and up to the tunnel—taking off the backpack and pushing it in first—is practically effortless, much easier than it would be in waking life, which makes it kind of fun. The tunnel is not tall enough to walk in, and it narrows considerably not far ahead, so I push the backpack in ahead of me. It barely fits, and I can see it slide down once it gets past the narrow point, where the tunnel slopes downward. I barely fit, too – I actually have to turn my head to the side to squeeze through. But soon, it’s large enough to where I can crawl again, and then walk upright.

The tunnel is made of squares of some smooth material, solid black in the center but with a stripe of red-orange around the edges that glows, lighting the way. As I walk, it slopes further downward and eventually drops me into a corridor with a grimy, institutional feel to it. All dimly and artificially lit, as if I’m somewhere underground.

It has a distinctly unpleasant vibe – although part of the reason may be because of what I know about this place. It is actually a sentient environment, and not a very nice one, and now that I’m inside of it, it’s going to be tracking my every move and shaping itself according to my actions and reactions. It’s not the destination – just somewhere we have to pass through on the way. There’ll be a test at the end that has to be passed before we can get out – but this place doesn’t like people leaving it and will be actively throwing obstacles in our way.

My backpack isn’t here – the place probably hid it somewhere, and so I’ll have to be on the lookout for it. I turn towards the right, reading the plates on the doors as I go by, deciding which room to enter first. The place looks to be some sort of school judging by what they say.

As I walk, faint, unpleasant feeling-tones arise, like the ghosts of memories with an archaic, dark quality to them, although they definitely don't involve my personal past – not in this lifetime, anyway. Or maybe they’re anticipations of what I’ll find here, behind the doors. Or maybe both. I also see a set of stairs leading downwards, but I don’t want to leave this floor just yet.

After reaching the end of the corridor, I head back, still making up my mind. It’s not terribly important where I go first, but I am aware that, as the first deliberate choice I make here, it will give the place some insight into me, will establish the course of how things will go. I decide on a room about midway between the end of the corridor and where I started from labelled “Faculty Lounge.”

As I open the door, I’m surprised by what I see. It’s a little room, somewhat like the bedroom of a hostel, with two bunk beds, a table off to one side and some assorted furniture – overall, quite nice apart from the lack of windows. But the really surprising thing is that it’s already occupied by two people from the group I started with.

Sam is there—Sam, maker of ukuleles, fixer of anything with strings and frets, host of concerts and an accomplished musician in his own right. His dog is there with him. The other person isn’t waking-life familiar, although he does somewhat resemble one of my coworkers, with dark hair, pale skin and some kind of facial hair, I think. A dog has come in with me as well, a large, black one. I don’t pay much attention to it besides noting that it’s mine and hoping that the room isn’t going to be too crowded now.

Sam greets me – but he uses a different name, a man’s name. They must be seeing this place and this situation differently than I do, I realize. It had been mentioned at the earlier gatherings that it would appear differently to everybody – but I had assumed that we would also be going through it alone, individually, and so it hadn’t occurred to me that I’d find myself in this kind of situation. But I can roll with it.

We talk for a little while. At one point, one of them advises me to be careful not to give this place “the impression that I’m somebody it can f*** with.” Sam mentions that he’s working on a puzzle—it seems to be set up on the table there—and I say I’ll leave him to it. I mention, though, that I’m good with puzzles, and he invites me to come help put it together. This must be part of their test, I realize – and it strikes me that maybe it isn’t a coincidence I ended up here to help them with it, although from everything I’ve heard, it would be uncharacteristically benevolent for the place to intentionally direct me to them.

The puzzle seems to mainly feature cute baby animals, and it is close to being finished. I help assemble the remaining pieces as Sam tells me some anecdotes he’s heard about a 20th century Viennese composer. He can’t remember which one they’re about. I notice, though, that the bottom edge of the puzzle isn’t complete. Sam is stirring some sort of gooey blue liquid, and I realize that that will also be part of it: the tests, though different, all have one thing in common: incorporating two bowls of these brightly colored mixtures into them somehow.

14.7.20

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some junkyard, with a garage full of vintage stuff. The stuff belongs to the family of a childhood friend, Renata, and she comes by while I am admiring some old fridge. She seems disturbed by my presence as if she thinks I am there to steal it. I show her that I merely came in after my dog Bernardo, who had run after other dogs. The she sees the dogs.
Then I spot some bikers passing by and I am afraid they might hit the dogs, but everything is fine.
At the horizon I notice a strange rainbow, with a normal arch but at the base, one of the color strips bends out, turns white and curls around the rainbow. For a while it looks like a tornado with a double helix around it. I don't feel afraid and come closer to watch it. Then like a hologram, an image of my guru appears and talks to me. Gives me blessings and instructions, like a letter sequence as NS LCSS or something that I know I will mess up when I wake up. I get closer and fold my hands and bow down and he says "I miss you" and disappears.

This week made up for the lack of jamie dreams for sure. Difficult subjects to deal with here...

Jamie 1

I was in some elevator with Jesus and Jamie. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke actually... Kidding. He just tells us, "I want you two to come together NOW!"
the door opens and Jesus is gone I walk out holding someone's hand. It's no longer Jamie, but eleven from stranger things... We walk down the hall and I'm confused. We pass another Elevel from stranger things in the hall... Walt 11:11? Clever girl... I ask who the other girl is and the one holding my hand shrugs.

comments. Jesus said the same thing last year. and Last year I sent a message and invited contact. I don't know what else I can possibly do here. I can message her until I'm blue in the face and she will always find a reason never to message me back or get a hold of me some other way. I can't force her to contact me and I won't try. It's up to her I guess...

Jamie 2

Jamie shows up at my inner world house with that sterotypical bad boy from the dream from a few weeks ago. She's being generally mean to me. I forget most of it. I'm on a couch and she sits down for one second and hands me an ipad or something with porn on it. And she tells me to stop looking at porn, then storms off with that guy and leaves the house. I find myself outside by the curb a while later talking to some guy who asks me if she was supposed to be my girlfriend. I said, "I dunno looks like she's with that guy now."

No, comment on the porn issue other than if I were doing that, How would she know? Hacking my computer somehow? or some Twin flame/ alien love bite telepathic phenomenon? I'll try to fix any issue, but you can't expect a single bachelor to live like a saint all the time.

What?

Dream is like a movie. some woman goes to a recovery meeting like AA or NA or something. She meets a woman there the leave to have coffee, which is typical for being social after recovery meetings. But they wind up going to one of their homes and have a lesbian encounter. the whole dream I have a feeling this dream has to do with Jamie but can't be sure.

Jamie 3

Jamie approaches me in a school parking lot and tells me she is actually a MTF transgender. Which I know is not true. But she seems to think I might like that.

Interesting, Jamie is now lesbian but also a transgender

Can we go back to dream hugs now that we got it all sorted out? Or how about a real one!?!?!?

Long dream

Well it was long but i forgot most of it now. I was walking through some city but had to go inside a large building like a bank. Everything started shaking and i Thought ,"Earthquake". I'm looking for desks to hide under. A man in a suit and some other people there tell me it will be over soon. I hear a scream and look out the big glass window. The building is floating on water and a huge wave is coming toward us. I look to the man with a suit and he says we won't get hit by the wave. The building shakes and then turns onto some land and stops.

I find myself on a bus or something with a Muslim woman who is supposed to be Saad's wife. Some guy is telling her that her husband is a jackass. I cut in say, "Really me and him do get a long at times but yeah. he is a huge asshole for sure."

His wife says to me, "Maybe i agree with you. But hold on You smell like piss and shit." (she's just insulting me back). "You remind me of a muslim story i know. A mother got up one day and went to her daughters room and she said, 'wake up now my child, we are going to have pancakes for breakfast...'". I woke up from that.

While cutting food on a table a sudden rush of excitement took hold of me. I stopped dead center and brandished an object towards the sky. Standing there, I felt no other thing but clarity. There was a coherency that made everything fall in place. Although I saw myself from afar, non-lucid and as if on a trance, I couldn't explain how clear I was. It was as if I had finally recovered a part of me that was missing. C was beside me as always. She was holding on to something as well, staring up with eyes closed. I notice a golden string connects us together and from our bodies it continues towards something else, but I can't remember.

This is it. I knew it was real, there was just no other way, this is it.

The object felt very personal to us, as if it's mere existence were proof enough of the concept of this clarity. We were freed.



When I woke I couldn't let go of this dream. It was all too powerful, and even while awake I could still grab a piece of that clarity. It was only when I finally turned away that saw the memory of it fading away. What were we holding on to? What was that object? The knife? There was a knife in the dream, but somehow this doesn't sit right with me. I think of an animal. I did saw a gray cat with weird eyes outside my window that night. It startled me. Was there a cat in my dream? The details are fuzzy, I write what I can on my journal, go to the bathroom and return to sleep.

While on my bed I kept thinking about the object, I couldn't shake the thought off my head. I had to know, what were C and I holding on to?

* * *

I find myself in front of a vast tree. It is rich with leaves and sits in the middle of nowhere. Everywhere else is in shadows except for the tree. I walk close to it and take a piece of its bark. Then, I relive the events as they were from the dream before. Ah, such certainty in things.

This was it! Not the knife, the tree!

I know that holding a part of this tree fills me with happiness and relief. I want to keep this connection with the tree when I awake.

* * *

The apartment was small but welcoming. There was a large rectangular glass table top and after, a round table with four chairs, plus a couple of bedrooms to the left. There were lights placed on the walls on each side of the room. Midpoint through the apartment was a window with view of the entrance. Throughout the dream a song played and every time AA and M sang along to the tune (I can't remember what was the song's name). I see F working on a broken air conditioner. Because of the virus we had to be careful about everything we did, nothing could be left to waste. Through the window I saw a car arrive and I hear the catchy song. AA starts singing.

I remember escaping with C and meeting some people in the woods. One guy is giving out cut pieces of paper with Homer Simpson's face on it. He says they are part of an assignment, and I feel bad because I haven't done any. I have a feeling the papers resembled one of my reality checks but now think that might be quite a mental stretch. I followed C and board a car with two of her friends. I feel like we're in Prague. She wants to drive to a new home, but doesn't remember the way. She keeps asking me for directions. She starts repeating the same number, either 21 or 51. I sit on the passenger's seat observing the vistas.

* * *

Below the large rock I find J and C standing by, talking. They asked me if I had dreamt anything, and I tell them of a dream I had with C. In this dream I grab her hand and lead her down a trip to the depths of the ocean. I can see the story unfold before my eyes. I only stop when two other friends arrive because I don't feel confident enough to talk about my dreams with them.



Upon waking, I realize this dream tells a very similar story to a one I had read before in a book.

* * *

A very large stage spans the area of about half a football field. The lights are out, there are thousands of seats and on the center hangs a giant screen. A movie is projected on it. A teacher sits at the left corner of the stage and gives a class about film. There are exits to the right and left. The first ends on a window-door that leads to a house, and the second on a giant artificial climbing wall. I try reaching the class from the rock but notice the grips are not fastened well, they fall from their place. I focus on them, and their touch feels very real. When I reach the top I see Ca playing video games on his bedroom. I wonder why he isn't in class and he tells me he will when it's almost over. I fear they will mark us as absent but he assures me nothing will happen if we arrive before the end of the class. Still, I try to find a way to reach the theater to escape penalization. I try to find something more formal to wear instead of the shorts and shirt I have on me.