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I play Minecraft and use a wooden hoe to destroy some wooden blocks. I find some kind of treasure inside but Gustav comes and steal it. I become a bit mad and walk to another location. I dig some more wooden blocks with my hoe and it goes really fast. I find one more treasure under the wood but Gustav takes it again. I dig into the ground and find a cave. There are a lot of monsters there. I jump around, kill some of them with my sword and get a lot of EXP. I get up to over lvl 2000. I dig some more and find another cave. Gustav is there. I hit him with my hand and he kills me with his diamond sword. I am angry with him because all my EXP disappeared and he stole my things before.

Notes: I don't know why I dream about Gustav being mean to me now and some dreams ago. We had thanksgiving dinner yesterday with Bernpaintners.

I'm in some kind of dark place with Diego, Edvard and David. We all have laptops and try to join a discord call. Diego's new friend Albert is also in the discord call but not physically with us. Edvard asks Albert if he can become the leader of the call. Albert says sure and gives Edvard the leader role. Edvard drags some application to the call and everyone gets Zerg, Protos or Terran cartoon background pictures. I get a Zerg picture of a cartoon Zergling. We all close our laptops. After a while we reopen them and Albert is still on the call. Diego says that we should all have a prayer and asks Albert if it is okay. Albert says it is okay.

Notes: I just met Albert three days ago. It's probably why he only was present in the call. I heard William played StarCraft II some days ago.

I play some kind of Halo game with Jonathan and Oscar. Jonathan and William use some kind of launcher that shoots containers. They try to hit targets that are being dropped from a very tall building. When they hit the targets a multiplier score thing is showed in the top of the screen. When they miss it disappears. They shoot some and are able to get the multiplier up to X72. I tell them that they can't miss now because of the high score multiplier.

Notes: Jonathan and Oscar wanted me to play Halo with them during Diego's party three days ago. I met the Håkanssons' yesterday. Diego was baptized. Diego is the only one that pray in my dreams it seems like.

11/28/20

I'm in a large dimly lit room with various beds and chairs in it. I notice an old friend Micheal laying towards the back of the room across some chairs. He's using clothes to keep warm while sleeping. I shake out a large heavy blanket for him to sleep with and drape it over him.
There's a rough looking english guy who looks like ed sheeran sitting on the couch leaning on a girl who's laying on one side. She doesn't like it. I make fun of him for it, he gets an attitude with me so I mock a British accent singing the Beatles "she don't caaaare, she don't care". She likes me. We end up cuddling and making out.
She mentions having a troubled past. At some point we are making music that's sort of punk and I'm yelling lyrics. It's still night time but I know no one who is sleeping will mind.

Something south park related

I am watching a livestream of some girl. She gets knee'd in the face and the phone gets picked up and the stream goes dead. I am concerned for her even though I don't know her. I tell Matt Smith who is suddenly around. All I remember is the address on the screen which said 305 S th. I tell him and he does some sciencey thing to locate her. We are at a strip mall and walk outside. She is sitting at a park bench across the street. I find it incredibly lucky. She has blue eyes and straight dirty blonde hair, she is dainty and fair skinned. I am enamoured. She assures me I don't want to get mixed up with her. But we are still concerned for her well being.

Dodgeball tournament mixed with overwatch.
They take all of our things in our pockets and put them all together before the match.
We win barely
I remember I was kind of rude to the Symmetra and knock her off the second story rail with my shield. I don't play rein usually but somehow we win. I am confused. I apologise to her after the match saying it was nothing personal.
The coach of the other team is kind of mad at me for beating his team. He complains they were going to make state finals and his team worked so hard to get to where they were. I am walking to my car and I see the fair skinned girl again. I invite her to come with. I don't have my phone and have gathered it went missing in the big pile of peoples things. There is a nokia in my car I call the coach on. I assure him everything will be ok and I am sorry his team lost. But I am sure they will do better next time. He is surprised I am so supportive of my competitors. I wish them well and tell him I lost my actual phone at the competition, I say goodbye.

She is now completely nude standing over me. I motion for her to come here. She lays on top of me straddling one of my thighs. She is petite and incredibly soft. I just caress her skin from the neck down her back, her arms and sides and legs. I tell her I cannot believe how soft she is. And I could just touch her skin all day, I count her freckles down the side of her body. She is comforted and we just lay together in each other's arms. Nothing sexual, more sensual. We are incredibly close.

#545 WILD and DEILD chain 5:45am

I do a quick WBTB and focus on WILD by putting my awareness on a spot on my forehead. There was probably some loss of awareness but as things start getting dreamy and I manage to bring myself back. There was little to no vibration this time; if any at all. Just a slight feeling of a chemical change in my head. I exit
I walk around the house a bit and remember I wanted to put my VR headset on in a lucid so I appear in the back room and quickly put it on. One screen was green and the other red for a moment and I worry that I will had some garbage visuals and lose the dream to darkness. Instead of letting that thought take root, I say, " Common. See! Really look and see."
I am now in a vividly colorful jungle looking at various colored poison dart frogs. The more I look at them the more they are morphing into snakes. I don't know if I'm weirded out or just want to keep the dream moving along but, I decide to just bite ones head off and walk away.
Suddenly I am now having sexy time with my wife and I lose my focus. However, there is very little sensation.

I wake a little and DEILD. Definitely no vibration. The dream just forms and I'm lucid but not sure how locked in I am so I kind of let the scenario play itsself while I ask the DC dumb questions. It rarely give anything interesting and I'm not sure why I wasted LD time on it. Still interesting I suppose.
Anyway, its some woman talking to me and I'm stupidly taking DJ notes so I'll remember what she's saying. Of course I don't recall much. She's going on about Dr. Dodope (or something like that) taking her car keys and then getting suspended for it. I keep asking her questions to lead her on to finish telling me her story but none of it makes a whole lot of sense. I keep writing notes.

I wake a little. This time I remember my dream goal and visualize walking around the house once more. Once I'm in the dream (zero vibration or feeling of change) I start transforming into a werewolf by the front door. I see my hand change and I feel my hind legs change and grip the floor behind me. I start making the motion of running on all fours like an animal. I can feel it but the visual of the dream is stuck still at the front door. I growl a deep monstrous growl to get the dream going but it doesn't work. I start howling instead but I'm still stuck. Then I wake up and think I should probably write some of this down.

I end up having to get up and go to the bathroom for a bit. I lay back down to WILD again. I have a few close moments of success but I lose my focus and have non lucid dreams the rest of the morning

A set of recurring bear dreams.


Mid October, 2017

I was in a variation on my aunt F and uncle C's house where a party was being held. There were so many strange and quirky characters there that it felt more like an indoor carnival. In one room I met a woman who was the caretaker of a semi-trained bear. People took turns meeting the bear, warily, before leaving, fully amused by their encounter. It was a black bear, small as bears go but still large enough to do some serious damage if it wanted to. It followed me around in particular and it kept resting its head in my lap every time I sat down. Each time I would feel a little on edge despite its outward displays of affection. I was worried about making the wrong move and setting off its wilder instincts. After the fourth or fifth time I started to even feel annoyed, not wanting to have to stay on my toes all the time. The caretaker woman seemed to sense my annoyance and she came up to me saying, “It is a great honor to be chosen by a bear.” I wandered out of the room, thoughtful, but not entirely convinced.

***

Thursday Night, 11/7/19

See "The Jaguar Woman" entry.

***

Tuesday Night, 6/30/20

I was someone else, a man in his 40's I think, outside at the edge of a forest as dusk was approaching. I morphed to resemble my waking self. I began climbing a large arbor for some reason, treating it like a jungle gym. While I was up there, I discovered a baby elephant hanging from its trunk in the arbor I was climbing. I stared at it for a while, confused by how it got up there. It changed into a bear cub. Das showed up. He thought the baby bear was cute and wanted to pet it indefinitely. I began to think about the implications, however, and I started looking around nervously for the mother. It appeared to be alone out here, but I was still wary.

"We shouldn't have put our scent on the cub." I told Das, "The mother will smell us and get angry if she's around."

Das shrugged. "I'm not worried. Look! He wants pets!"

I sighed and edged my way down the arbor. "Come on." I said, trying not to be too loud, "It's almost night time, we need to leave the forest now if we want to get clear of wherever the mother bear is at." I started creeping quietly away from the arbor and towards a sparser area of trees.

Das shrugged again but reluctantly stopped petting the cub and trailed along behind me.

I started to hear sounds in the bushes and a low rumble, and I realized the mother bear had arrived. For a moment I picked up the pace but continued to try to be as quiet as possible, hoping we might somehow get away before it finished locking onto our location. I searched my mind for what to do in case of a bear attack, and I remembered to play dead. The mother bear showed herself, blocking our path. I realized we weren't going to make it. The bear roared angrily and charged at us, knocking down Das first. Then she ripped into me (which didn't hurt as much as one would expect) and I got to see my intestines, right before my right eye was detached from its retina and everything went dark. I woke up. "Damn it Das..." I said out loud.

***

Thursday Night, 11/5/20

I'm talking with my parents outside on the deck when an adolescent black bear wanders into our back yard and we notice it has an abscess on the right side of its head. My mom wants to go over to it and treat it. I'm also worried about the bear's health, but I do not think it's a good idea to go up to it like that. I suggest maybe calling a wildlife center instead. "I have some leftover antibiotic ointment from when the cats were sick, I'll go get it!" My mom says and goes back into the house. My dad laughs at us and goes back inside to the other side of the house.

I follow my mom and try to get her to reconsider, but she doesn't listen to me. "Well, here it goes!" She starts heading back outside with the ointment.

"Mom, no!"

My mom jumps a little, startled. "Ah, you scared me!"

"You should be scared, it's a bear!" I look away for a moment, wondering about the wildlife center idea again, but when I look back I see that my mom is way out in the yard heading towards the bear.

For whatever reason I decide I have no choice but to do things my mom's way now. The least I can do is try to mitigate the danger so she doesn't get attacked... But this is probably a bad move. I head outside and my mom is scaring the bear towards the fence and towards me. I'm worried it will feel cornered. I backtrack a little and grab a bag of cat treats as it's the only thing I can get to quickly. I manage to get the bear's attention with the food, tossing a handful of treats on the ground in front of it to distract it. My mom comes up behind the bear with the ointment. The bear finishes the treats very quickly so I keep having to scramble to get handful after handful ready. I'm worried about the gaps of time where the bear might get aggressive. "When I say stop, stop until I can get more treats." I tell my mom, convinced the bear needs to be distracted with the process eating to not notice her. It's a dubious plan to begin with but I'm clinging to it.

My mom is applying the ointment to the bear, but I'm struggling to get the next set of treats out of the bag. The bear is slowly starting to look up. "Stop." I say. My mom does not stop. The bear looks directly at me with dark black eyes. "Stop, stop." I say again. Still no response from my mom. I imagine I can see impatience developing in the bear's expression, although it's hard to tell. "STOP!" I'm trying not to be too loud, but I'm starting to panic. I finally get the last of the treats out of the bag and toss them on the ground.

"Done!" My mom exclaims cheerfully.

"Mom, get inside, quick." I say anxiously. I make sure she makes it inside while the bear's still eating, then I go in myself and close the screen door first. Why am I bothering to close the screen door first? It's not going to stop a bear and I'm wasting time... I think and close the sliding glass door as quickly as I can. I can see the bear standing in the yard, eyeing the bag in my hand as if annoyed there are no more freebies.

***

Monday Night, 11/23/20

I'm in a building I don't recognize. My dad is there and says something very mean to me, although I can't remember exactly what it was or why it happened. Rather than feeling hurt or scared, I suddenly feel a deep anger come up as the full implication of the words sink in. "I am not stupid." I yell powerfully. My dad disappears but I yell it again. It seems to be irrelevant that no one is around anymore. I can see out a window onto the unfamiliar street outside. It's night time and raining a little. I still feel the anger, like a raw energy. I open my mouth and a bear's roar comes out, a guttural rumbling. I stop, confused at the ability to make such a sound and feeling self conscious, thinking people will think I'm weak for being too emotional and sounding ridiculous. Then I decide I don't care, even if anyone was around to hear. Twice more, I let out the bear's roar which resolves into a more human sounding scream. The dream fades.

Where to begin and where to end? To start with recall or with my thoughts first? I don't know I'll just let my fingers do the talking and it'll all finish before I know it.

5

Recall

Had brief moments of lucid today and yesterday. It wasn't interesting really. Just the same thing of myself gaining awareness before all dissipating.So I didn't really write it down yesterday. Nor the dream yesterday or the day before since it wasn't that interesting but the message it was trying to convey was rather clear though. So I should probably at leastmake a short summary and the meaning behind it today.

4

Dreams
right or left

yesterday & in between day before missed dreams-
I was inside a school. A sort of a friendly tournament. I joined the team to the right first, they didn't like the wayI wanted to do things. And the results were lackluster. But the one to the left, they embraced who I was and we did magnificently. What happened also was that they l.et me do things my way while also complimenting it withtheir expertise.

-perhaps the message is to do what you like, but also do it in a way that's effective. Also to surround yourself with those who are supportive.

4

Jack clothes
I wasinside a house. It felt like a familiar old apartment. But it was a house, just structure was similar to an old apartment in BC. In the room to the right was Jack and we tried on clothes. His uncle arrived in the middle. Andthe last event was us playing Nintendo. Just a summary of the overall events.
...
3

today's

Fishing pole and Elves

I was inside a sort of an adventure, a vr adventure gamewas what it felt like. 4-5 location segments. I was on a solo adventure, in a fantasy setting land with trees and what not. The starting point was some sort of white building for newbies. I ventured into the greenery and eventuallyfound myself a wire that connected to another land. I forget what the process is called, where you glide across a rope or wire with something... I think it starts with R? But the rope/wire from where I was is connected toanother land, most of these lands were floating. I went from land 1 to land 2. Met some old friend, they were venturing in a group. The theme of this game/atomsphere had a bit of a pokemon like feel to it. It was defeatingmonsters and sorts maybe no collecting of monsters like pokemon but something about it gave me that vibe. Maybe those monster hunter games are more accurate and related to this experience.

5

I went onforawrd and ventured deeper. I slid across another one of those ropes into the third part of the lands. There were groups of people just standing, clamouring about. Since this was a new thing not much people knwe about it.And everyone was trying to figure out what the next event was. I notice a familiar group passing me. I'd gotten ehre before they did I suppose. And There was some building there. I forget now what it was.... EvenvtuallyI tarvelled south. Or it felt like south. To another land.

4

This one had a mall. It looked like a strip mall on the inside as I was checking out the first floor. The game had PVP aspect to it and I wanteda weapon that was discreet. I was looking through stores and the first one was selling jackets, maybe knives. I asked the shopkeeper who was a skinny man, if he knew where I could get some discreet weapons? He directed meto a shop at the back and I proceeded to enter it. Actually it was just a kiosk. But the man recommended me an item after I'd asked for what I wanted. He just simply said fishing pole. And handed me a long fishing pole.It was a discreet weapon according to him and it could extend or you could shorten it as you liked. I forget if I bought it or not.

4

I leave the shop and find a room with elevators. It looked likea lobby room of a nice hotel sort of, probably a bit bigger. I entered it and I was directed by someone there. I think it was a middle aged woman who was like a manager there. She led me to an elevator and I entered it. Ittook me to a floor way up there. I feel like it was the 45th floor or something. It was a small village by the forest. Or the very outskirts of the village. Monsters or something. The room gave me some sort of power so I coulddefeat it. And after that, I went back down. The manager below told me that each person only gets 1. It was almost like a power-up or wish granting service where each person would only get to use once.

5

ButI wanted more of it. In my backpack I had an item. I knew what I wanted to do and I used it. It was like a scroll or something. But before that I was talking to someone hanging nearby. It was a young man, he also worked therebut he wasn't as strict as the manager there. But I forget what I spoke to him about, only that he was pretty chill. But I went on to become invisible and snuck past the manager. She had behind her a group of little children,looked like kindergarten. I looked and followed her a bit. It was a room beside the elevator and almost like a daycare for the kids. I looked through one of the picture books there, checked out what they were doing and left.Back toe the elevator.

4

This part's unclear. But I went up again. I remember that the room I ended up in was dark and red... it was in indoor room, unlike the one before where I'd ended up inan open environment outdoors. Narrow and stuff. Demons? I think I got what I wanted and went back down to the lobby.

4

I looked more closely at the people working there. I think I spoke with the man frombefore, or one of the higher ups working there. Maybe it was related to the room previous. These people were elves. Ah yes, the person I'm speaking to was an elder elf. He had white hair and a narrow beard and he was prettyskinny and short. He told me that they were running out of the source of their magic. Something like this area near this mall was once where they had a source of a spring, a source of magic that kept them the way they were.Like their life source? But with magic. They were running low on that and had to make a deal with the demons. The demons would give them, feed them magic, in exchange for the elves' labor and their permission to builda mall here. And that was likely what I saw the second time I went up the elevator.

4

But I knew. My dream sense told me what was up. That the demons had artificially created a lack. They were reducingthe magic source somehow so less was coming out. Then they had made a deal with the elves after. It wasn't real. There was no lack of magic. The demons had both secured the source of the magic, and enslaved the elves.Their plan had worked.

5


Lucidity Practice

I'm getting better definitely. But the process is all so hard to explain. Actually that's just an opinion, not a fact. So just type it away and it'll make sense eventually as you sharpen your skillof pondering by the means of words.

4

Overall, I'm becoming better when I practice. In exception to the one where I'm trying to do it too often. This likely tells me that overdoing things doesn'treally help. While the activity that I didn't put as much practice, I had improved dramatically. I think it had more to do with attitude. As long as you can put your all in it and do your best, that's how the bestimprovement are made. Were I to do something, simply as a chore there would be no significant improvement. Do it, and do it well. If you don't feel up to it, don't to it or just pep yourself up somehow. Eat something,meditate, or whatever. If you still don't feel up to it, that just means you need a break from it. But if you do really feel up to it, do it as much as you like.

5

I've noticed. That it'seasier to... find the - use the beginning and the end. What I mean by that is to anchor awareness in the beginning of an event and it's completion. That is easier, and more reliable than to try to maintain the awarenessat all times. The beginning and end, use it as a reminder to get lucid once again. Then add to it once you reach a certain proficiency of that. Like the starting of an activity, like cooking. You aim to first get aware inthe beginning and the end. And then you improve on that by compartmentalizing each small task of peeling, cutting, cooking.. etc and try to gain awareness on the beginning and the end of each of the mini tasks. It's notthat you are trying to gain awareness; but rather they are reminder and anchors incase you lost lucidity. So you may stay aware throughout the whole of the action or not. But these things can serve as a reminder.

5

Andthat got me to... think? In the case of activities that are filled with actions, or many processes you can gain increase awareness that way. But what of things you do that has not many things to do? Then it made me realize...that thoughts and feelings - postivie or negative can be a good friend in this regard.

3

It reminded me of something that Mr. Yongey Rinpoche had said. He spoke of the time when he was a child andhow meditating made his anxiety disappear and eventually he missed it. But in this case I suppose every thougght and emotion I had can serve as an anchor or reminder to become lucid once more if I'm lacking physical anchors.

5

Doesany of that make sense? I don't know. It makes sense to me but probably not for a lot of people. So I should use analogies or metaphors more often probably.

5

But what if my thoughts and emotionsdisappear from meditating? And if my sensations become number and then what do I focus upon? Is that the meaning of - the teaching - the very idea of dream(sleep) yoga? To find out what - how you would maintain awareness insleep, or even bardo of which they speak.

How would I, in the nothingness be lucidity I seek?

5

Total DJ awakes score
83/190
43.7%

11/27/20

I am with mark weins
He is a swinger with some norwegians
He wears pink lace underwear

2069
I am on a layover in texas, Ben asks if we can hang out before my next flight, I agree.
He picks me up and we drive back to his parents house without notice.
When we get to his house he gives me a small black electronic device I do not recognize. It kind of looks like a small digital camera with a display on the back and buttons on top but I don't know how to turn it on.

The house is incredibly large with hundreds of rooms and a grand foyer which has been extensively decorated for Christmas. Multiple floors overlook the entrance room with many hallways coming from various directions. It is reminiscent of the house from Home Alone only it is cartoonishly large.

I gather that this is mostly Ben's family and extended family. Only there are almost a hundred people scattered about running their own unique intentions saying goodbyes and everyone seems to be in a hurry. I gather that the adults are dropping off their kids of various ages and they are all going on some adult outing together.

I do not recognize anyone, everyone is quite comfortable and I get the impression this is a yearly occurrence for everyone involved. The kids all form their own little friendship groups as if they were being dropped at summer camp. No one recognizes me and I don't even see his parents anywhere.

I was traveling and forgot what time I needed to be back at the airport. I do not have my ticket but remember I had a picture of it on my phone. Looking at the time I realized my layover was only 45 minutes and I have been in this house much longer than that. I was somewhat anxious but am now resigned to the realization I have missed my flight and now am only looking for Ben.

Walking up stairs and checking hallways I decide to start walking into rooms, they are all different shapes with different groups of people in them having their own little social gatherings. I lean against a large papasan chair that has a smooth leather jacket hanging on the side. As soon as I do a smug looking short haired blonde teenager appears and immediately starts chastising me for wrinkling his perfectly smooth leather jacket. He points to me as I am wearing my members only jacket and insults me saying I wouldn't care because I'm already wearing a wrinkled leather jacket. I'm inclined to agree. I move along.

I understand that there are going to be 50+ people all staying in this house in various rooms scattered all about. Only the adults were leaving one by one couple by couple out the grand entrance, assuming they are all congregating in front of the house for their adventure. I do not know where they are going but they are all excited to leave their kids and the kids are apathetic/happy to be with their friends.

I cannot find Ben anywhere, like no where no where. Always new rooms new couches new arrangements of kids of all ages 18-5 having their own little gatherings scattered about. I wander around for almost an hour looking for him to no avail.

Things are starting to not make sense as I don't recognize technology or even the styles of most people. It occurs to me I may be out of my time. I ask some kids what year it is and they are just laughing at me thinking I am kidding. That there is no way someone doesn't know what year it is at Christmas time. Finally someone says it's the year 2069. I am somewhat flabbergasted. I have no idea how I have slipped out of my time again. But I am welcome to the adventure.

There are still some adults here and there saying goodbye to their kids. I notice a somewhat concerned couple saying goodbye to their children and assuring each other that everything will be fine and they will be back in no time. They are dressed somewhat bohemian and I feel a comradery with their style. Most of the parents are ritzy and done up like they are at a formal Christmas party, like upper class glitzy styles and too many conflicting expensive perfumes.

I see an older gentleman come out of a door to the grande entrance and I think at first it is Ben's father. Only his face looks like Caesar. I extend my hand and tell him it's good to see him again and it's been too long. He doesn't know who I am but shakes my hand anyway. I wonder if my hand is dry or sweaty from the hurried walking around this expansive house.

I finally see Ben up some stairs walking a girl with mocha skin up more stairs and to his loft getaway. I gather he has been avoiding everyone and I am somewhat frustrated I have missed my flight and have been wandering around for the better part of an hour in another time, confused as hell. His loft has a large balcony overlooking the city below. It is a cartoonishly large futuristic and detailed city, with purples and greens and blues and yellow hues to the buildings. I now definitely know I am out of my time.

I am standing on the rail looking out to the view just taking it all in when he approaches me to my side and stands by the rail next to me. He asks if I've ever seen anything like it before. I say yes, it's exactly like the city I saw in my dreams a couple nights ago. He is taken aback but not entirely surprised. There is a girl sitting on cushions behind us who is the girl he was leading up here. She is confused at our conversation. I remember that he left me in the beginning so I start into some great tirade exclaiming my frustration with him. I take off my jacket and I have no clothes on underneath. I have no shame but I am yelling at him that I have been lost, and out of place, and I have no clothes, and I missed my flight, and I have no idea how I got to 2069. The girl with him is bashful at my appearance and several people walk by gawking while I am going on my monologue. I am unphased in noticing them as I am always comfortable nude. He assures me he can get me to Denver quickly. I look off the balcony, there are multi hot air balloons in various shapes and colours, I joking say Oh you're gonna fly us there in a balloon!? He smiles knowingly and responds that if I had left with his dad we could fly the blimp.
'Noah?' I hear, and I am awake.

Yesterday I went from waking to a dream in just some seconds. Or I went from a dream to another dream. I don't know. I tested out the exact same thing this night and it worked again!

I wake up in the middle of the night and do my RC (pinch my nose and try to breath). I think it doesn't work at first but suddenly I am in a big yellow courtroom with a woman judge that is slamming her hammer against the table. The last time I did this transition it was very unstable and I feel that this dream is also unstable. I look at my hands and they look really real. No extra fingers and no distortions. I am in the front desk that is about to be interrogated. I walk up and fly out of the window. There is a big city outside that reminds me of Karlskrona a lot. I see my hands as I fly and it doesn't look this real in my normal dreams. I am happy because I feel the wind against my face and my hair swining backwards as I fly. I fly up and down some times just to feel the wind. I fly up and hesitate but end up doing a loop in the air with a 360 spin to it. I feel alive and happy. Without thinking about it I stretch out only my right hand in front of me and I am able to fly really really fast when I do it. I use both of my hands and it doesn't go as fast. I think to myself that I might be able to reach space with this speed. I start to fly up to the sky with one hand in front of me like Superman but as all references to which height I am flying at disappear I can't fly anymore. I try to find a star that I can focus on but it is too far away I think to myself. I fly against the city and see a lot of people. I think about dancing and suddenly I fly into a big empty room. I think that I will be able to see dancers here but I can't see anything. I look around and find a secret door in the wall. I open it up and see two pretty fat ladies dancing. I inspect them but walk out again. There is another secret door in the empty room. I enter it and see two really good looking ladies dancing, the dream becomes unstable and I wake up.

Notes: Wohooo! This flying was so trustworthy and it was so blissful, calm and refreshing. I really wonder if it was a dream from the beginning or if I actually went directly from being awake to a full scale dream. It almost feels too good to be true.

I'm in church and two guys walk in through a door. I think to myself that they might tickle me and they change appearance as I think so. They become taller and now have black hair. I quickly try to wake myself up but I can't. I am somehow able to escape and run to the cars. I take their car and escape. It's a pretty old car and it doesn't go that fast. I see a fast cool car and walk to it to drive it. I am semi lucid here because I thought it was okay to take the car because it's only a dream. Just as I am about to enter the car another man takes it and drives away.

Notes: The tickling is awful. I hate it so much.

Dad is driving us to a training center. There is a man that welcomes us and we see a picture of a big training center. We enter and it almost looks like the picture. We jump around and enjoy ourselves.

Notes: I read about the biggest training center in Sweden yesterday.

I'm with Pia and Monica. We start to fly and we each have a kite tied to our backs. It gives a different but non the less fun flying experience. Whe you fly upwards the kite drags you backwards and wants you to loop. The same is when you fly down. I experiment with the feeling and go up and down. We see a star and Monica says that India is there. We fly fast but Pia is slowing down and is tired. We leave her behind. As we fly it becomes day and night because we fly so fast (haha that would actually mean we went around the whole earth and already passed India). I ask Monica how many days and nights we have to pass before we come to India. The whole sky is filled with lightning clouds that are grey and agressive just 2 meter above us. Monica and I fly to the ground and crouch because we don't want to get hit by lightning. The lightning clouds are maybe 10 meters above us, really close to the ground.

Notes: What an interesting dream.

I'm with dad and Stefan. We are water scootering in a big lake.

I'm running from the bad guys. I run into a house and up on the second floor. I see some furniture that I can move away and hide behind. They come too fast so I hide behind a worse hiding place. Håkanssons come in and one of the small children spots me. I tell them that I need to hide and that they should go away. When they leave I hide behind the better furniture from before.

I'm in military training and everyone are acting casually but they are fit for battle. There are girls and boys that seem young there. I walk through a corridor to have some alone time. I come to the end of the corridor and see a toilet. One of the Kristianstad boys comes to me and invites me to hang out with them. New fragment. I'm with cousin Tobbe and we sit with some other people. They talk about weapons I think.

Notes: In the dream I felt like the military training was very hard and that I wasn't fit for it.

I wake up in the middle of the night and do a RC. I don't succeed at first but think to myself that I maybe can enter a dream if I keep on doing RC until I fall asleep. After maybe 5 seconds I am able to breath through my nose even tough I pinch it. I walk to the other room. I try to open the window but I can't. My vision is unstable and the dream disappears. I wake up in my bed again.

Notes: Maybe I was in a dream from the beginning or just entered a dream. I don't actually know. I have never read about a technique were you do like this so it would be intresting if I entered a dream. I've heard about the wake up to bed technique but I think you have to go up from bed and do some other activity first.

Use not the means to gain awareness;
for the mirror only reflects that you are.
Seek not the things you wish to be;
for the mirror only reflects all that it sees.
...

STAY!
Stay! In the awareness. Notice! This time. Notice the moment of unlucidity. Not a minute later nor an hour greater. Not even a second but only the present. Be in that moment and see. Truly be and notice its happening. And embrace it. Fully grasp that elusive force of unlucidity. The cause, the source - the cause of my remorse. Oh ghost! I boast, "I shall capture thee!" I shall see you and grasp you til my everlasting lucidity.

Let it be done.

11/25/20

The laundry room was flooded, I was concerned about the clothes that were on the floor but there are too many so I resign that everything is wet again, the dream fades

Having trouble falling back asleep. I am suddenly somewhere else. In another room I do not recognize, it is afternoon. G is sitting on a futon looking at a stack of older pictures she has found, they are framed.

I lean in closer to see and there are nude photos of when she was younger in various poses, the largest frame is of two guys sitting down exposing their member, I gather these are ex boyfriends, she is giggly at the memories. I am furious. She doesn't understand why I am mad so I begin to throw the frames back at her face with force while shouting I don't want to see my best friends dick! She is bewildered and doesn't grasp my irateness.
I am back laying in bed.

What followed was quite confusing as I was phasing back and forth from my dream to my bed uncontrollably. I would be in bed and see the dimness and the low rumble of other people walking through the house, and back to that brightly lit room which was completely unrecognizable to me. While in the room the girl who was with me now looked identical to someone I used to work with. Only she knew me as someone else. I was confused every time telling her I didn't know where I was, I didn't know who she was, I've never been here before. She called me a different name and assumed I was joking or being sarcastic the entire time. The jump occurred 3 or 4 times before I was stabilized in the other place.

She was with one of her younger friends and I, recognizing her somewhat asked her name, she said Addison. This is not her name IWL, still unfamiliar with my location or how I got there. Everything felt too real and detailed to be a dream. I told her that her name was Breanna, she laughed and still thought I was joking, but I could see the concern start to appear on her face. Perhaps I was having some mental psychosis I felt her think. This is all just too real. I felt like it was wholly possible as I was in a place where nothing made sense to me but everyone around me was certain of me.

They were crawling out the second story window to sit on the roof to overlook the neighborhood as teenagers often do. I was tired of being confused and decided it was time for me to leave.

I told them I was leaving and though there was a slight protest they quickly faded from my immediacy. As I was leaving the house I now found myself in a heavily populated terminal of sorts. The clarity now fully hit me as everything was INCREDIBLY coloured and crisp in detail. Like a fine lifelike render from a video game. I could not believe my eyes. The room was large and decorated with a variety of screens and advertisements and swirling passing vehicles. It was a bustling metropolitan city center of sorts.

All the people around me had neon coloured garments and LED strip like accents, it truly felt like a cyberpunk setting only everything was clean and bright. I now noticed there were humanoid shapes as well. Perhaps they were robots, perhaps they were augmented humans I couldn't be sure. Everyone was relaxed and generally having a good time. Completely overcome by the detail of my surroundings I began to cry. It was beautiful, there was too much detail for me to focus on everything. I was awash in the emotion of finally being somewhere new, as if I always knew this was where I would end up. It was relief coupled with the bliss of newness. I felt the tears stream down my face as I smiled larger than I have in sometime.

I walked to a large walled window to my left which I knew to overlook the city and I can only describe it as planet coaster combined with Coruscant. Vast sprawling brightly coloured buildings with streamlined shapes and transit systems which resembled high-speed roller coasters. It was also overwhelming. There was too much to see, every window in the terminal had a similar vantage. I took a few deep breaths and continued to explore the terminal I was in.

I now noticed there were screens for people to buy different tickets for different rides or tours or locations I couldn't be sure. None of the writing looked familiar but I recognized a $ sign and numbers here and there. I was made aware that there was a public communal buying platform where people could list the tickets they had bought and opt to sell the ones they weren't going to use at a discounted rate to anyone else looking for the same destination. Nothing but smiles, it truly felt eutopia-like.

I ventured into a room off to the side with maybe a dozen full body wrapping chairs which would contour to your shape when you sat in them. They felt like a captains chair on a spaceship. We were all oriented generally facing a large screen in the corner of the room but could still see out the walkway to the grand terminal.

On my left arm pad where my hand comfortably rested there was a myriad of controls including a couple joysticks. Curious I began to click buttons and toggle the stick. On the large screen we were all looking at appears an overlay with games and information and I gather I am controlling a cursor on the screen. Concerned the display I pulled up accidentally was obscuring other people's experience I quickly looked around to apologise to those around me. No one batted an eye and continued tapping away at their own controls and all still watching the screen. It was then I realized that only I could see the display overlay I had pulled up because it was unique to this chair. And everyone else had their own display that they all saw on the same screen which I was unaware of. Impressed I continued to toggle and click but quickly gave up because I couldn't read any of the characters on the screen.

I began walking back through the terminal just taking in all of the details and colours. It was an amazing sight and felt so futuristic I was amazed no one noticed me out of place.

There were various humanoids intersparsed through the crowds of actual humans. I question a droid which I gather to be an informational hub of sorts. He explained this terminal is a dome of protection from the outside environment, all domes are connected with high-speed transit and entertainment junctions. There was more information conveyed but the details are lost to me. Other than the knowledge of some great existential threat. They were all hiding from a predatory extraterrestrial race which occasionally would land and take a batch of humans never to be seen again. It informed me of a breaking news of a landing occuring and authorities were being dispatched to quarantine the area.

I am fond of ETs so I decide I will follow this cue and attempt to make contact. I am now outside the dome in a sort of dark and foggy area, I see bright lights and a circular craft just beyond a large boulder in front of me to the left. As I round the large rock I glance up and am almost blinded by the lights. They shine in a sort of pulsating manner coming from the center. I hear a ruckus behind me and know these are the authorities coming to help/make things worse.

I am now in the craft surrounded by a brilliant white light, it is clean and only the corners are barely visible. I see a face in front of me which has undecipherable features. There is a metallic sheen to the lower half. It looks at me close with a tilted head as I begin on some monologue, the dream fades

I'm with Gabriel from my old school and walking home to me from Hemmakväll. I see Peter, the pingis teacher, and he is packing his car with a lot of different things. I notice that he is preparing to move and ask if I can help him. New fragment. I'm by our outer door and see their car. His whole family is also there and they are about to drive away.

Notes: When I woke up I remembered many dreams and I was happy because the night's dreams were so full with strong feelings. Gabriel and I played pingis with him and that is why they were all with me.

I am encountering some obstacles in my journey of lucid dreaming. I am starting to journal here because I can see my progress, use your guidance and writing about it in daytime will keep my mind on the topic and increase the chance of having lucid dream in the following night. Also I will analyze what I did wrong or what helped me succeed which I hope would help others.
I started to define lucid projects for myself and working on them. My first project was to see the northern lights in the north pole and it is done.

- My current projects:
Project 2: Entering a witchcraft school. Meeting wizards and witches would be fun and besides learning to do magic will boost my dream control.
Project 3: To see my imaginary friend and live a story with. (I am currently focusing on this)
Project 4: Dream TV of Alan Worsley.
Project 5: Persistent Realm.

- My current state:
I use MILD and have a lot of LDs in number but:
My LDs are rather inconsistent, in some I have good dream control and some of them don't even last more than a few minutes. It is usually periodic and recently the latter was the case . I have a cat and he has started to ruin my sleeping routine a bit recently (he wakes me up at midnight and keeps me awake for some time). Also I feel I want Project 2 too much When I want something too much in LDs, I usually fail because I take it too serious.
Now I can't stabilize well and wake up fast. Also I can't see my img friend (twice I saw him but his behavior was not like him, it was rather passive or cold). I have problem with teleporting and finding him too. Though I sometimes can teleport using spinning and schemas.
I found out when I feel determined, strong and positive I usually have a good dream control but for now I am failing to keep myself in the dream more than a minute.

I think my main problem is the nature of my view to my subconscious. I don't see her helpful or capable (Like in the case of project 3, I feel she wouldn't want to help me see him and also she might not make his face details precise enough -> though I've seen him twice before I made this my project, so I should know she can!). And I know this is everything in LD! That's why I sometimes have really good LDs, those are times that I manage to trust her.

I think I will start writing here and continue in dream journal section, I will share my progress every night that I had a lucid dream and analyze the result.
Thanks for your advice!

** P.S part read if reviewing DJ**

I originally felt sort of down. Felt like I hadn't made any progress. I decided to meditate after dwelling in that useless pit of unwelcoming feelings. And I felt better after. And feeling better made me notice more things.
4

Although there didn't seem to be active awareness improvement during the practice, I noticed that I was doing them while I wasn't practicing. I had more of those moments where I'd stop myself and just notice. And it was different from times before; because this was not forced, just happened sort of semi naturally.
3

So maybe the easy way to train awareness is to have short training sessions and that would just promote more passive awareness throughout the day.
3

Recall and stuff

I slept in short intervals again. Uncertain whether I'd dreamt. But I did have a moment of lucidity in a short dream fragment. It was very brief. Either I was tired, or it was a short REM period, or something else. What I do recall was that I was outside, and I was going through these same thought process I used during my current practice. To remember, then become present. Then I thought "dream?"
2

One question I have is that whether this lucidity is actually caused by the awareness training; or would it have happened either way? Because I'd probably have gotten lucid without doing anything at all anyways. And I suppose that was the cause of my woes - whether if any of this is futile; and would lucidity have happened naturally anyways?
4

Presently, I'd say the "gaining of awareness" process is only partially complete. It has an aspect of "remembering" and getting "present" perhaps it lacks "intent." Intent to actually lucid dream or a dream goal. But perhaps it is fine. To take it slow. I feel like it's all coming together nicely.
4

NOTE TO SELF though: That last bit of resistance, just push through. Whenever there's that negative feeling, a persisting negative feeling - MEDITATE. Get to the core of it. Face it. Instead of distracting yourself, just face it. It doesn't take long - and everything becomes so easy after.
4

Oh yeah one more thing is don't worry too much about the results right away. The results will come according to their own appointed hour. You're practicing it actively and it's beginning to show up into passive habits. You only need it to sink a little deeper into the subconscious habits for consistent results to show up.
3



Goals

-complete the awareness technique
-oh yeah remember try cutting awareness into smaller pieces for more effectiveness
-have a meaningful dream goal or remember it
**master non-attachment


awareness score:
27/90 = 30%!

** P.S. quick note, negative feelings (or event, circumstances) make me more unaware, awake or dreaming. The last few- EVERY time I lost consecutive days of lucid were exactly that; from negative feelings. It makes me blind and lose focus. So don't worry about getting lucid results right away. First get good at this "resolving" process. Because if you were to blindly aim for quick lucidity, you'd once again get distracted by something. This is the step 2. Master this step 2 so that next time you get past step 1, you'll have a smooth sailing - is it called NON-ATTACHMENT?**

Notes: I got some weird sensations where I was in between the dream realm and reality when I went to bed. It was like a movie but without color and I didn't actually see them. I think that I could enter a dream from there if I was more experienced.

I'm sleeping on the floor in a room. Mom and dad are also there.

I'm walking through a military barrack. On the other side there are some poles hanging in sideway that you can swing in. I start to do some pull ups and it is pretty tiring. I think I do about 5 and then I rest. A tall blonde guy about 20 years old comes. He runs a bit and start to spin around a pole that is really high up. He spins around for some time and do a perfect landing backwards. I try to do the same thing he did but someone runs in front of me so that I can't do it.

Notes: I got in contact with a boy yesterday that is going to do the military test with me.

11/23/20

I am with a group of people traveling, I am with an old friend who was my neighbor and we are following a van that a girl I know is driving. We follow down some dark roads and make a tricky turn into the highway, eventually we decide to stop at a motel for the night. I think we want to party but still kind of low key. As we are checking into the room I notice the adjoining room has like 15 african american young adults in it they are listening to somewhat loud music with an xbox on the TV and playing pool in the center of the room. I walk in the sliding glass door and they all stop to look at me, most of them aren't wearing shirts and I am also not wearing a shirt. I start introducing myself asking them what's up, they offer hands and I slap each of their hands going down the line saying what's up, nice to meet you, I'm Noah, what's up, what's up. They are fairly accepting and I see a kid I used to go to school with and say heey I haven't seen you in forever. I tell them he's an old friend and they are even more accepting now. I tell him we ordered some food and I would go get the pizza and come back. When I arrive back to my room there's just one girl and my other friends seem to have gone to sleep. I tell her the gist and she's down to go party with them. After I walk across the motel to pick up the food and come back I notice through sliding glass door adjoining the rooms that most all of the people are gone from the room and there's just a few older african american women sitting in the dark watching something on the tv. It is quiet and I have gathered they went to sleep. I go back to my room and tell my friend. We pull something up on the tv and get kind of tired. We lay for a while relaxing and may have dozed off for a few. I have the suspicion I may have checked the wrong room though I didn't hear anything from anywhere else. At some point I decide to walk into the next room over and it seems everyone had migrated there without me knowing. They are happy to see me again and my old friend asks me what happened, he thought I was just going to get pizza and coming back. I explained I had gone into the wrong room and assumed they had all gone to bed or left because it was quiet now. I know now it is early morning and they were just trying to be considerate. They are watching something on tv and I tell them I will be right back. I go back to my room and tell my friend of the err I have made. That they are all still over there. They just went to their other room and we are still invited. I now have a cooler to bring as well though I don't know exactly what's in it. My friend helps me carry it into the other dark room the old ladies are sleeping in, I set it on the floor next to a coffee table. I never make it back to the room with everyone else in it.

I am with my family in my childhood home, we are quickly leaving for a trip in a hurried fashion. We all load up in the camper and I gather we are going for some type of camping trip, I haven't really packed my bags or anything but there is great momentum and it almost felt like an emergency evacuation.

As we are driving I am still concerned about not having enough supplies or really any sort of preparedness for the trip. My cat is in the car but as we are turning I notice she somehow jumps out of the vehicle so I tell at my parents to stop the car. When I get out to retrieve her it is very muddy and I am surprised we can drive so effortlessly through the muck. I notice on the side of the road a super muddy truck with the owner no where to be seen. There are also a couple dogs that are fully submerged in the mud with only their sides showing. They feel like a stuck horse or elephant, I rush to free them from the weight of the mud and help them to their feet. They are winded but still living. I see the owner now who is also covered in mud but seems unconcerned both of his animals were almost dead in the mud. After resolving the situation I gather my cat and rejoin my parents in the camper and we resume our travels.

My father is driving and my mother is in the passenger seat. She is smiling and assures me they are taking me to some great surprise I will thoroughly enjoy. I ask if we are ever going back home because I don't have any clothes or supplies. My dad just cocks a sideways smile and glances at me from the corner of his eye. I guess we are moving. There are about a dozen strangers in the car now of varying ages all sitting along the edges like an indian overcrowded bus, I ask my parents about all of them and they ignore me. The situation now feels intense and almost post-apocalyptic in its hurry.

We arrive to a sort of drive-in theater which is super run down and very muddy with puddles all around. There are other families there with their campers and I gather this is where we will stay the night or at least a short time on our journey. There is a run down convenience store/shop in the center of the derelict lot.

As we are setting up the camper my pops was rushing the set up and not doing all of the steps out of over-confidence. There are braces which need to be lowered to the ground to provide stability to the camper so it doesn't rock back and forth while people step in and out. I ask if he is going to put them down and he brushes me off, insisting it is no problem and we don't really need to. The camper is rocking and swaying with every step and feels quite unstable. I tell him I will do it for him and he continues to give me excuses for why it isn't important. The ground is too muddy, it won't reach, the lug nut is rusted, it's stuck, don't worry about it. I get down and fasten the nut with a tool and hold a heavy hammer to dislodge the nut. He tries to show me how stuck it is by tapping gently while looking at me as to prove the fruitlessness of effort. I tell him to let me try and I swing a few times very swiftly and hear the crack of the nut as it loosens and the braces begin to drop. The ground is super muddy and the brace sinks a few inches but finds some stability and fixes to the ground. I stand and the camper is stable and no longer swaying.

The store in the center of the grounds is somewhat of a hellscape. It is super run down with hardly any supplies, broken glass everywhere, dim lights, and unidentified horrors attacking other people in the store. I don't know if I am attempting to shop or just get out, but it is night time. I am crawling on the ground and notice many shards of different colours as a crawl on top of them. Something is coming towards me but I can't identify it or it's intention. Events occur but I am unsure if the dream just collapsed or if it just transitioned to the next scene.

The big surprise is made known to me, my parents have signed me up for MasterChef. I am now on the set surrounded by other very well esteemed chefs and none other than Ramsey himself. I feel incredibly out of place but somewhat up for the challenge. All of the other participants are well to do accomplished chefs with restaurants of their own. Gordon sits me down and has a heart to heart talk with me. He informs me he knows about my lack of experience in the professional culinary scene and that my presence was by design. I am the only amateur chef participant in this season. He encourages me and assures me he will do everything in his power to assist me to 'catch up' with the other contestants. He believes in my skill and is hopeful I will shine through the challenges that will be encountered for the duration of the show. He is honest and non-patronizing. I am grateful for his sage advice and encouragement, though during his talk to me I am made aware the first challenge has already begun. We are being shown a table side service and plating of a specific dish with specific elements which all need to be executed in a very specific order to accomplish the desired aesthetic to the dish. I am glancing back and forth between Gordon and the table side service. Attempting to be as respectful as possible while also absorbing as many details of the dish and method I can focus on. It is a super-heated white ceramic oval plate which has just been pulled out of the broiler, small chunks of protein are placed and small sprigs of asparagus tossed between matchsticks of carrots scattered with small quartered pickled beets. They are left to quickly saute on the plate before a savoury créme anglaise which is more loose than normal is poured in the corner of the dish to slightly reduce on the plate to create the final consistency to accompany the dish, there are microgreens sprinkled around the edges. I have no idea how each element was prepared other than their shape and size and the harder I look the more blurry the dish becomes. Other chefs are standing around with their notepads asking questions and taking notes from the sous chef who is presenting the service. I think of questions regarding the temperature of the plate but second guess myself not wanting to appear plebeian. Gordon is done speaking to me, he shakes my hand and gets up from the table, and informs us we have one hour to complete the challenge.