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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Working as a maid at the mansion of some filthy rich dudes. Some alarm goes off and they go around looking for something suspicious, but no one can't find any intruder. But I spot him. He is dressed as the help and considering this is a huge palace with dozens of employees, no one pays attention or noticed he is not one of us. But I see him robbing silver and gold stuff, sneaking from one room to another. I follow him into an office and he realizes that I've figured it out. But he doesn't feel intimidated, he notices I am not yelling to denounce him. He just nods his head like saying "Go ahead, serve yourself of some to." and I do! I rob a bunch of gold necklaces and other jewels, wrapping them in table cloths and right under the nose of the bosses, hide them in my pockets. I then follow the other guy trhough a window to the garden and we leave.

Looking at a mirror and instead of my face, I see my guru reflected on it. And he looks pretty aware that I am seeing him. Then it gets weirder and I have trouble explaining it in a 3 dimensional way, but it is like he is also holding another mirror in front of him and his reflection is me. And we are both aware that I see myself as him and he sees himself as me, but not straight up like a mirror image and more like a mirror within a mirror thing. Then I am suddenly not myself and I am some tibetan lady in the past with an intricate hairdo with really long braids with beads and other decorations. While I admire the intricacy of it, someone comes in the room and refers to me as princess.

A few dreams though I only remember bits of them.

---

Dream Fragment:

I remember being in a somewhat dark room and having a discussion with some people about age, in the dream I was around an age when my hair would start greying, starting at the front and just lightly. Mom was there and she commented on how it was just like her dad's hair. I remembered a photo of him that mom has kept in her home office for years since his passing. Then I remember seeing a mirror and seeing myself on it. I looked older but unimaginatively so, but my hair did look a lot like his, except for the fact that his would have curled slightly.

Dream Fragment:

Perhaps from another segment of the previous dream, but I remember something about trains and a kind of alien (Mars-like?) desert. Day time, clear sky. There were some really high-tech-looking trains and one such train went up a hill into a rounded futuristic building. I was with a group of people (friends?) and we were walking in the opposite direction, though I kept looking. The engine carriage separated and sort of shot off on its own along the rails and quickly hit an end-track bit, bouncing back and then hitting the rest of the carriages. It was some type of freight train, and its ornamental features matched that of the building, featuring a warm orange.

Dream Fragment:

Something about me or captain Picard, in a large office room of some kind. Other people both friendly and not-so-friendly were there, and we were there to ask for money I think. Starting at 30,000 but then the guy didn't want to give us any more, so then there was this little scene where Picard walked closer to him slowly and then started punching him very fast until the guy, who was also kind of old, fell down on a spiral staircase. He didn't go all the way down or anything, just a couple of steps on his back, because the degree between each step was very small (less than half foot?).

The staircase steps were marble and the handrail looked fancy, but I don't remember it in detail. I remember a woman speaking after this had happened and she said "well, now you have 25,000, since you have to take away 5,000 just for that". But then before the dream ended there was something about a million, I don't remember.

---

Notes:
- Recently in waking life I'd been thinking about how I don't really ever remember seeing mirrors in my dreams, so I think that's partly what brought on one's appearance in the first fragment.
- Typically, despite being the result of a previous conscious thought during wakefulness, I did not realise the connection between the two things in the dream. This is happening quite a bit lately, which is frustrating at times. But it may just be that my recall is also decent lately, so maybe I just think I notice it happening more but it may just always happen this frequently and I haven't realised before.
- Featuring myself as being older may also come as the result of conscious thought from waking life, as I often question why I'm always my current age in dreams. Although in the dream, until the hair thing was made obvious by the mirror, I did just feel like my current age anyway.
- In the train dream, the group that was with me was a bit shocked with the collision, but I had been expecting it. The dream had a slight Borderlands feel to it.
- There was a fourth dream fragment also involving trains but in a completely different context. I can't put the visuals into words now.
- The dream with Picard may have just been some continuation of the first fragment. I'm really not sure anymore if these dreams were directly linked or not, because I don't remember any transitions and I had several awakenings this morning.

Jan 23

I find myself in my childhood school yard with high awareness. The scene is quite dark, but I nevertheless take the time to inspect in detail all of the dream characters that surround me. While some of them look quite ugly or even menacing, I live out the realization that all these people are just a reflection of my mind, they are all me. I spend some time happily shouting this and engaging the DCs.

A bit later, I recall I was planning to do the task of the month (basic ii). A wave of urgency hits me as I remember the month is drawing to end, and also the dream may be over quite soon too. As I walk down the street, I follow the plan in case I found myself outdoors, to look for a mirror on a nearby car.

The dream scene is quite dark, but I am still able to locate a car and move closer to examine my reflection. The image looks a bit smaller than it would in real life, so I lean even closer. I don't look quite like myself initially. The effect seems more like a dream quality issue - the image is quite distorted, although, as the mirror is slightly curved, one would actually expect it to be.

After gazing into the reflection for a while, it starts to resemble me more. My hair is a bit wavy though. Overall, the dream reflection is quite happy. I finally get to the task of making my hair longer, although this proves more challenging than expected. I try to will my hair to become longer, but dream control's not quite working. I then decide to take things into my own hands, literally, and gently pull my hair down to stretch it. This seems to do the trick and it increases in length. I enjoy the completion of the task for a brief moment, waking up shortly afterwards.

I feel that there really isn't much to be said about this one. Any thoughts to be had come quickly, and any semblance of images fade. But there is one image, one picture that is stuck in my memory; it will remain there, I think. I see the outside of my house, but it is slightly different. It contains more greenery, almost like it is a garden. There is a group of people standing outside, and I feel that they are friends. However, when i travel outside, they have disappeared, and what remains now gives me a feeling of unease. It is a group of people who I perceive wish to do harm to me and my friends. That is all I can remember about it. I know for a fact there was much more to this dream, and I hate that I can't remember all of it.

I have to say that I have not really been enjoying these dreams I have been remembering lately as much as I had hoped. There is nothing really striking or beautiful or meaningful about them. They just seem random, and they disturb me when I am in the midst of them. Even still, I wish I could remember them better. But I suppose I am grateful I have been remembering anything lately. For a while it seemed like I never could remember my dreams. No matter, I am hopeful for tonight. I desire a journey, a meaningful experience, a thought provoking encounter, a love.

There appeared to be three delivery trucks outside the window. There were actually two but a reflection of one of the trucks made it seem like there were three. I was excited to get packages though I didn't realize that I hadn't ordered any packages and I didn't realize I was dreaming.

There were other dreams that I don't remember right now.

Ritual: I haven't let myself get bothered by my dry spell of the last few weeks, since it was easily attributable to lack of motivation and practice. My work life has been much more relaxed, so I think dreaming has been less psychologically necessary. I'm starting to observe a consistent pattern where I get lucid more frequently and intensely at times when I am under the most stress in waking life. I always think I'll have more time to work on dreaming when that stress disappears, but usually I find my motivation disappears along with it. I think this is because when I have more free time, I indulge in other kinds of experiences that satisfy my mind in a way similar to dreaming: films, books, and especially computer games.

Recently I started getting irritated with the bad dream recall and lack of lucidity, and decided to put more work into it. I did a few WILD attempts where my inability to count much higher than ten revealed my lack of mental focus and clarity, and they went nowhere. Today I found myself wide awake after sleeping four hours, a perfect WBTB, so I decided to try again. I didn't want to take any active supplements (alpha-gpc, galantamine, or piracetam), but I also didn't want to miss out on the placebo effect and reifying of intentions that might be gained from swallowing something, so I took a few tablets of bacopa and one of NAC. For good measure I also strapped on my MotivAider, set to 45 minutes, then lay down to do some counting. My focus was still crap.

I was not fully asleep yet when I felt the first pulse of the MotivAider, however it roused me enough that I noticed I was seeing some really amazing hypnagogic patterns. This is the first time I've experienced such distinctly geometric and symmetrical patterns in the hypnagogic state. I got up to use the bathroom and was amazed at the way the patterns persisted every time I closed my eyes, moving and transforming. I was tempted to wake up more fully to sketch them, but realized I could make better use of this state, so I preserved it and kept watching the imagery as I lay back down in bed.

I decided to skip the counting this time and work directly on tactile sensations. I concentrated on trying to move the dream body without activating my real one, and there was that inevitable ambiguity at first, but then I reached up to touch my face and I was pretty sure it was my dream arm that did it. I felt around my mouth with my tongue and was sure of it: the taste in my mouth felt too flat, too muted, to even be the normal background mouth-taste that we typically overlook. When I was confident that I had integrated into the dream body, I got up into my bedroom.

WILD, "Reflections / Zznvogayi": It is my first time getting lucid this month, so I decide to try a TOTM. The mirror task is convenient, since there are large mirrored sliding closet doors only steps away from my bed. I walk over and stand in front of one. At first I think the reflection bears a close resemblance to me, only with fuller cheeks and smaller eyes. But rapidly these features grow more exaggerated until they no longer look like me at all: the face is horribly bloated and the eyes have all but vanished beneath the puffy surrounding tissue. I recognize this as DR: I've been reading Gyo, a horror manga by Junji Ito, and it's full of faces like this. I force myself to keep watching as the image becomes more and more hideous, as though it is deliberately trying to unnerve me, but I remain calm and at last it vanishes.

It seems like the show is over, but the TOTM instructions were to keep looking as long as you can, so I continue watching the mirror. For a while it shows no reflection at all, just an empty dark space. Then a new reflection appears. This woman is beautiful, elegantly dressed in an archaic ballgown. I note that the bottom of her dress expands into almost a full half-sphere, and recall that this style was characteristic of the 1850s. I look up toward her face, but even though the expansive bottom of her dress is brightly illuminated, her entire upper body is in deep shadow and I can make out nothing but the silhouette of an appealingly slender torso. I keep staring until finally a tinge of light illuminates the lower curve of a shapely breast. I never do see the rest of her. As I continue watching, she is replaced by a male figure. I have the impression of a hairy man in rough clothing or primitive furs, but already the dream is deconstructing itself around me and when it stabilizes I am in another place entirely.

I find myself at the top of stairs leading down through water and rockery, landscaping that reminds me of a Chinese garden, though the buildings on all sides look contemporary. I wander down the stairs wondering what to do next. In late May I finally started playing Dragon Age: Inquisition, and was delighted to discover that one of the core characters is a lucid dreamer. This gives me the idea to try to summon him. Summoning people, historical or fictional (I rarely attempt it with WL people because I feel like it would be rude to deal with their doppelgangers), has always been my weakest area of dream control, but I'm determined to make it work. At first I hope to recognize the character among random DCs passing by, but don't see any likely candidates. Then I notice that at the bottom of the stairs is a large cafe, with a number of tables clustered in a semi-interior space with no front wall. This gives me an idea.

The cafe is organized enough to have a hostess desk, so I approach the two women working there and tell them, "There's someone waiting for me." When they ask his name, I say "Solas." One of the women acknowledges that he is here, and tells me to follow her. Oh my, is my trick actually working? I worry that I might get too excited over the prospect of success and destabilize the dream, and of course even that thought comes dangerously close to doing so, but I quell it and force myself to keep going along with the events I've set in motion, despite my impatience. So I follow the hostess, who leads me among the small circular tables toward one where a man is sitting by himself. I squint at him, trying to figure out if he really looks like Solas. Not so much: his face is thin enough but the features aren't right, and his skin has an odd greenish cast. I do my best to will his appearance into a better fit with my expectations, but this doesn't work. Oh well, appearances aren't everything. Maybe at least he'll identify as the character?

I sit down at the table and say, "Are you Solas?" He confirms that he is not. I don't remember our conversation clearly, but I recall being impressed with this DC's confidence and sense of his own identity. He seemed to find my questions foolish or nonsensical whenever I attempted to steer him toward my own ideas of how the scene should play out. For instance, when I asked something like "Are you from Thedas?" he replied emphatically, "I am from here." Still trying to keep up with the DA:I theme, I asked, "Is this the Fade?" I seem to recall he had an interesting answer to that, but I've unfortunately forgotten it.

At some point either I ask for his name or he volunteers it... and it is both odd and unfamiliar. I repeat what I think I've heard: "Vinyogi?" He shakes his head and says it again. This time I can make out that there are four syllables, with the emphasis on the second. "Zunvogayi?" I have to try several times before he's happy with my pronunciation, but it sounded something like that. I ask how to spell it, thinking this will help me remember it better, and he explains that the first syllable is spelled 'Zzn', but clarifies that the second 'z' functions as a 'u'. He gets up to leave and I follow, badgering him about how to spell the rest of it. He asks why I want to know, which I realize is a reasonable suspicion. I try to come up with an explanation that will sound bland and plausible without mentioning that I'm dreaming this, so I say something lame along the lines of, "I like to keep records of my activities."

Outside the cafe we head left down a path and then turn to the right, where some DCs are gathered looking at a long thin object resembling a small oar that is attached to a wall with a number on the paddle end. From their conversation I gather that it is a house number, and possibly they are trying to figure out if they should proceed with some kind of heist. Zznvogayi pulls out some cards and lays down four of them as though doing a divination. There are words and pictures on the cards, but they don't make sense to me. From what I can tell, the cards suggest that "if you have guts you get ice cream." I tentatively interpret that to mean that bravery will yield rewards... a favorable oracle? The DCs discuss the matter among themselves. Meanwhile I'm still pestering Zznvogayi to tell me how to spell the rest of his name, which he finally does. Of course it was just as complicated as the first syllable, and all I remember now is him explaining: "The 'v' and the 'd' are the same." "That makes sense," I reply, thinking how easily the two letters could merge based on linguistic similarity, and the fact that in some languages, like Sanskrit, they commonly occur in the compound phoneme 'dv'.

I want to make another attempt at summoning Solas, but this environment is too modern and urban to be suitable, so I decide to find somewhere better. Since there are a lot of DCs around I offer to make a show of it, announcing, "I'm going to make a portal!" Sure enough, this gets their attention and a small audience gathers behind me. I realize that with so many people watching I ought to give them a good visual spectacle. I begin by establishing, a few feet above the ground, a smudge of light colored deep cobalt blue. Then I wave my hand in a circle to rotate the light, spinning it into a flat vertical disk. I recall the beautiful hypnagogic patterns I was watching earlier as I fell asleep, and decorate the disk similarly. When I feel that the portal is well-established, I step through, trying to fix my thoughts on an environment appropriate to DA:I. However, at the spur of the moment I have trouble remembering any setting in particular, and for a while I find myself floating in unconstructed dream space. I focus on staying in the dream and finally a new environment forms around me. Across well-groomed lawns are large buildings whose style is unmistakably contemporary. There are no windows on the side wall of the building that I'm facing, just a four-digit number to identify it. This place looks like an expensive corporate campus: very far from what I was hoping for!

FA: It was probably the disappointment that woke me, but I had so much to write that I immediately went into "preserve and recall" mode, grabbing the notebook next to my bed and jotting down as many notes as I could before the memories faded, starting with the name 'Zznvogayi'. At one point I noticed that the pen wasn't making any marks on the paper, and remembered that earlier I had covered part of that page with an oval of wax. I tried to remember why and thought it must have had something to do with portals. I flipped over to a new page and continued taking notes, until I woke up more fully and realized that I was not actually writing, it had been an FA, and I would need to pick up my notebook for real and do it properly.

Ritual: wtb 3am, around 9am set vibrating alarm for 36 minutes. The first time it went off, I felt like I was already awake, that I had been lying awake for several minutes before I felt the vibration. In retrospect I was quickly suspicious that this was a false memory, but the consequence was that I woke up for real. I reset the alarm to go off in 28 minutes, and went back to sleep.

EILD: I felt the vibration again, and at first I thought it was another failed attempt, that I was wide awake again. But this time I convince myself not to give up so easily, to lay still and explore it. I wiggle my fingers. Actually... that feels right, like dream movement. I wiggle the fingers of the other hand and gradually start to engage my whole body, but soon, no, I can still sense the dream body but I'm convinced that I'm accidentally moving my real body too. (In retrospect, it seems likely that my impressions of moving the physical body were false, as this surely would have broken aphasia.) It feels like the two kinds of sensory awareness are layered together. My dream sense is not broken but I need to find some way to desynch from the physical, to move unnaturally in a way the real body can't follow. I try to bend my arm the wrong way at the elbow, down into the mattress. I find this a bit difficult for some reason, but something else happens: I start to understand that I am creating all this difficulty in my own mind, that it really doesn't have to be this complicated. Upon this realization I simply find myself standing next to the bed, fully in dream. That certainly makes things easier!

My WL awareness was somewhat confused throughout this whole process, since during the whole time I was lying in bed I had the impression that I could overhear a colleague from work talking to her daughter (who I have never met). They were discussing a humanitarian volunteer program that the colleague was doing in another country, maybe Africa. I listened with interest since I had not been aware that she was involved with anything like this (there is no RL basis), but it made sense since she is a very kind and generous person. She was talking about some kind of environmental crisis and said that the local people trusted the "agents," that is, the field workers of this organization, like her, but not the administration or the experts that were sent in to instruct them. The challenge was teaching the locals new ways of environmental management so they were no longer unsustainably exploiting their natural resources. I think it was targeting water usage.

After I was fully transitioned into the dream, I remembered that I had reset my vibrating alarm to an interval of only seven minutes, so I would have to work quickly before it went off again, waking me up. Curiously, now I'm not sure if I really did reset it, and suspect I dreamed that part too. The nice thing about a device like this is that it actually provides hard evidence against which to check my unreliable memories. Nope! It's still set to 28 minutes. So there was one point this morning where I definitely did reset it from 36 to 28, but the later memory of resetting it to 7 minutes—for some reason convinced that I would be able to fall asleep within that time frame—turns out to have been an FFA (false falling asleep), evidence that I was already asleep.

With (so I mistakenly thought) only seven minutes to work in, minus whatever time I had already spent transitioning, I walk quickly through the house and toward the front door, ready to plunge into deeper dreamspace. As I pass through the living room, something bumps into my leg from the pile of wood stacked near the fireplace. At first I plan to ignore it but then I wonder if the dream is trying to get my attention, so I glance down and see a pair of scissors. I'm not sure what to make of this but I grab them and take them with me. I go outside, where the sky is cloudy and half-lit as though it were dawn or dusk. I realize that this is wrong, and recall that it must already be after 9am in WL.

What was my task? I have difficulty remembering, so while I'm thinking about it, I decide to do something spontaneous. I'm still holding the scissors... I know! I'll cut off my hair. As I walk I reach awkwardly behind my head and randomly lift locks of hair with my left hand, cutting them near the scalp with the scissors held in my right. This all feels surprisingly lifelike, which makes me think momentarily: I had better be right that I am dreaming! But then I figure, what's the worst thing that could happen if I accidentally cut off my real hair? I'd have to shave my head? Not a big deal, I even did that once in college.

All this time I'm still trying to think of the tasks I had planned—why is it sometimes so hard to remember? Finally it comes to me. Right! I was going to try to roleplay a familiar character. I decide on Shriven, my WoW character, since I've played her the longest and also the most recently. My tabletop characters are much more psychologically complex, but I think I should probably start with something simpler. Okay, how do to this? I remember that I was going to try the narration technique. I start with something really basic: "Shriven is running," I murmur. My stride changes as I think I remember what her run looks like, becoming more mechanical. That part makes sense, given that she's digitally rendered. I don't have the impression that I look or feel any different, though. I keep trying, and although I don't recall my narrations in detail, I have the impression that they were extremely bland.

I'm running through city streets now. At one point I notice that the buildings all seem older, eighteenth-century maybe, though this still just looks like one of my typical dream cities rather than a more appropriate setting for what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm still cutting my hair as I go—having started, I feel like I should finish the job. When I finally slice through the last tress, I stop and gaze at my reflection in a store window. Not bad! Although short hair never really suits my features, the haircut itself turned out alright, kind of punk/pixieish. In fact, it even reminds me of Shriven's hair, which is short and spiky and irregular. However, there is no real resemblance, and in all other respects my reflection looks unusually like my WL appearance: same eyes, same face, same hair color. Usually in dreams I see a lot more distortion.

I use the scissors to make a few finishing touches to the haircut before realizing that it is pointless to be so finicky in a dream. In fact, I'm done with the scissors now... I'm just going to drop them on the ground! This always feels so liberating, since I would never do that in WL. I continue running effortlessly down the street and when I come to the end there is a ten foot gap to cross to reach a platform or walkway. Jump—you can do this! I clear the gap, just barely, and feel proud of myself as I land.

Still, I don't feel like I'm making much progress on my task so I try to figure out how to improve my approach. What does Shriven do? Well, she often summons her mount, an undead warhorse. I narrate this to myself, but nothing happens. Every time I do this in game the horse makes a distinctive shrill whinny, so I try to use the sound as a focal point. I find it becomes ambiguous whether I can hear the sound in the dream or if I'm just remembering it.

As I pass through a T-intersection, a blinding light directly ahead causes me to swerve. It is so bright that I assume it must be bleedthrough from RL. I remember the conversation between my colleague and her daughter that I overheard during my transition; with true dream logic I never questioned the impossibility of that taking place in my bedroom, and so now I assume that one of them must still be there, taking flash pictures. Instead of going straight into the light, my initial direction, I turn and take the street on the left, even turning my face away so to diminish the brightness. I can hear a voice from the direction of the light saying, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" So I was right about the camera, I conclude. At no point do I recognize the absurdity and error in my thought processes, but I do reflect that it is interesting that the environment made me change the direction I was going—is the dream trying to control my movement?

After this interruption, I go back to trying to summon the undead warhorse. It's still not working, but then I notice that the shop just ahead of me seems to have horse skulls hanging on the back wall. That's an improvement! I go into the shop, which is now a tiny space almost completely filled by a large bunkbed. A bearded man is lounging on the lower bunk, eating a meal and watching TV, while the upper bunk is shacked with sheepskins. I ask the man about the horse skulls.

"That's not a horse skull," he responds.

I realize he must be referring to the giant animal skull on the floor at my feet. It must be about three feet long. "What is it?"

"That's an academic-size magic detector," he answers, hardly taking his eyes off his TV program. Not sure what to make of his words, I look at the skull again. I realize it must have come from some kind of giant lizard, like a crocodile, but it has a small horn at the snout like a rhinocerous. As I study it, I see that it is now green and sparkling, the color offset with pale stripes. I am tempted to compare it to an Elvis suit, but fear that the proprietor might be offended.

FA: I wake up and start taking notes right away, starting from the last scene and moving backward. Fortunately I don't get very far before I realize I am writing on dream paper. I wake up for real and record my notes on my laptop.

Almost skipped wbtb, but woke up had around 80 mg caffeine double espresso, 500mg lecithin and spent some time reviewing the goals but not too much.

I feel some pressure in the bladder and make a note that preferably need to go before lds start. I'm in the process of falling asleep and I begin to see this picture more clearly, it's useless as a scene (drawn face open mouth), but just concentrate on it to focus, it begins to move inside like a tunnel. Scene change ethereal layer, running backwards, then new scene.

Finally, a bed scene, very realistic and with full body, got integrated in the body really fast, ready to move, carefully get up from bed. Move around a bit. My old room, head towards the balcony. Old doors, closed but not locked, open them. I go outside, it's magical. The sun is shining, the sky is clear blue, very vivid colors. I can feel the warmth of the sunshine and also hear a happy song coming from far away. The change in colors and light from the darkness in bed the moment before is impressive. I can also feel a very pleasant breeze and notice the plants to my side and remember one of my goals to interact with them. The dream thins out and I wake up.

I pay a short visit to the bathroom and review the dream.

Soon after I fall asleep, find myself back into our old place again. This time I face a dark room but decide to go inside. There is a sofa right in front of me and I roll it over, thinking super strength it becomes very light. Beneath it another sofa covered with clothes. I recall my clean up goal (try to bring order into ld, see what happens) and start throwing clothes to the sides, cleaning up the sofa of objects. Some more appear but I am almost done, finally I sweep the last clothes to the side and just observe if anything will happen (but with blank mind). The dream thins out.

I find myself in the living room of the same place, parents here walking around, we talked about something (rather made some comments). Everything is super vivid, bright and colorful again although the definition of objects not as good, rather blurry. I walk around the room and look at as many objects and furniture as possible, noting how orderly this room is. Everything seems at the right place and the furniture is more or less the same. The only objects not quite from this room originally are a buddhist medallion and a large chunk of amethyst crystal on the floor. I tk it up and dad catches it.

I recall the storm task and head towards the balcony. I'm thinking, ok, how am going to change the weather which is bright and sunny as can be perceived inside the room to bad weather. By the time I reach the window, the sky is fully covered in clouds and it's already raining. Well, that's quite convenient and I take a moment to think how my thought manifested so quickly. The only thing I need right now is some wind and I want to add a few tornadoes too. I stare at the horizon which brings the memory of many storms and alien invasion dreams and this facilitates the creation of more stormy conditions. I tell dad to help me with this, more as an act of self assurance, then twist the clouds a bit till I form a tornado and another one just next to it. I look to the side and see a huge one has appeared very close to where we are now. I think briefly about this, then the dream fades.

I find myself back in my old room, thinking that I've been having all my dreams in our old place today. Mom and dad are still here too, they come and start hugging me while I'm watching our reflection in the window. I remember the candy store task and decide it's time to leave the building, heading over the balcony. Mom is overly concerned about this but I go ahead and stretch/climb down and then jump the last part of the distance. Some slight instability but the dream is still here. I walk around and move my eyes from object to object trying to simulate and stimulate REM as I feel the dream slipping away. I think about where I am headed, my instinct is to go to where there are some stores down the street, though that feels too far for me to make it. I wonder if just turning right the other corner wouldn't be a better idea. Still decide for the original stores. All this contemplation leads to the place changing and something that looks like a street pops up where there isn't one, I examine it to see if there are any stores but it's more like residential buildings.

I continue down the street where there are some scary looking guys with guns. There is another group fighting them, later the two groups mix. The whole street changes and while I'm trying to evade them I lose lucidity.

Wake. Review.

Other dreams I can't recall. Short ld moment where I watch my reflection this time in a tv. I make myself float up in the air and then plank while floating. My reflection does the same, perhaps even better than me. I'm excited because I realize that I am also manipulating my reflection's movements.

This dream is from a couple of weeks ago. I have been writing down dreams on paper, but not getting them online.




Last night's dream is a good example of how my brain attempted to hand lucidity to me on a golden platter, yet I ignored it every time. I completely missed each and every dream sign.

So here is the dream.

I was sitting in a Japanese restaurant. I suddenly look up and see Tom DeLonge walk in with a couple of other guys. They go to the front and sit at the bar. This alone is a dream sign, since I have met Tom many times in dreams but not in real life. But instead of questioning my reality my mind starts thinking of ways I can go talk to Tom without coming across like an overly enthusiastic fan. I can't come up with anything. But I do notice the restroom was just beyond where he is sitting. So I get up and head to the bathroom hoping that something will happen. But I pass Tom, and there is no eye contact, and I didn't want to just tap him on his shoulder.

Once in the restroom I look in the mirror. To my horror, I see that I hadn't freshened up since my workout. My hair is still sweaty and I have no make up. Furthermore, there is some weird white powder all over my face and hair. This was a double dream sign. I often have strange reflections in dream mirrors. And I also often find myself looking terrible in dreams right when I want to meet someone on whom I want to make a good impression. But again, I miss it completely and just think about how thankful I was that I didn't get Tom's attention. I take a few minutes trying to look better, then go out and again pass Tom uneventfully.

Before anything else can happen, Tom and his friends leave. I also head out the back door and try to think of a way to meet them outside. I see a truck slowly passing with him in it. Since this is my last chance I decide to be bold and step out to the truck. It stops, and I look inside. The driver is a guy. Tom is seated next to him, and there are two girls on the other side of Tom. I said something like "So sorry to bother you guys, but I just wanted to say hi and shake hands with Tom. And I reach my hand in the truck. Tom is looking down and is motionless. But one of the girls grabs my hand and start to lick it. She says, "Mmmm...it's salty," Instead of thinking that this was too strange for reality, I just think, "Well, yeah, I was just working out. I guess it's sweaty." Then the other girl grabs my hand and licks it too. All the while Tom is sitting there seemingly passed out. And finally the dreams ends. And I missed all the chances I had to become lucid with Tom right there in front of me.

1st. So I had a false awakening where I began to go back to bed. As I fell back asleep, I could feel myself going into the dream so I thought I may as well just WILD it. It felt like I was doing flips and moving around my room, slowly it began to settle downed I tested to see whether I was in a lucid dream. So I went directly to the mirror in my bathroom, I was only about 4feet tall and had pale blue/blondish hair, my face was also a different structure with my bones being a lot sharper and harsh to look at. After this my dad came in and I though about posts when people said that they would tell their dream characters that they are actually in a dream, so I did exactly that although I cannot remember what happened after that.

2nd. So there was me and a little girl as well as my little brother. We were in this small circle sized area with a few other people and were surrounded by plants and fauna, most of these were normal looking. The girl began looking through one side of the bush where there was high shrubbery although an adult began telling her that she should not be doing that.. She then began going through another area where the ground was softer and almost marsh like and the plants were sparser and taller. Most of these were about half of my height. She began stepping on them, splitting them in the process. This would let her walk around without touching the ground. I thought that this could potentially be dangerous so I stopped her and she went somewhere else, while she was exploring somewhere else I became curious about what was outside of this circled off area so I began taking the path that she had taken using the same process of splitting the top of the plants. The plants became shorter and looked as if someone had already split them, so now the whole ground was practically covered. They also began to gain this weird purple colour. Suddenly the ground gave way to a massive pond. The pond was a very very dark green in colour and was covered in these gigantic lily pads with the length of a bed, the whole place had this kind of magical vibe to it. I started stepping on these although they gave way and flooded me up to my knees. At some point I decided to turn back after getting a bad feeling about the place, although I didn’t head back the way I came in, I went through this kind of swamp area with the same lily pads as before, although here the feeling of something being wrong went to dread and anxiety. I reached the shore in time although now everyone else was trying to do what I had done. I tried to warn them but they would not listen. This is all I can remember.

3rd. I was in a large track area although instead of running track there was a forest to replace it. Here I was chasing my little brother or my dog (Can’t Remember). As we came around the corner I could see that there were a group of people clustered together. There was my step-dad there and my sister. On the ground there was a iPhone6. In real life I am actually waiting for my iPhone to arrive so I was excited when I saw this in the dream world. I immediately asked my step-dad whether I could open it, he said yes. When i lifted the top I noticed that it was the black model, had some sort of case already half attached to it. The iPhone itself was pure black, thicker and felt generally not like an iPhone6. I put it back in the case and told him I would prefer the white model and would gladly wait.

Ritual: Second try with the vibrating timer, successful but strange experience. This time it seemed to work not so much from going off (in fact I doubt it ever did), but because my anticipation of the trigger kept my mind alert during the process of falling asleep—to the point where I thought I was still awake long after I had evidently slipped into dream.

It's becoming apparent that anticipation can serve the same function as motivation. Actually my motivation was relatively low, for the same reason as last time: it is the busiest part of my work week and I realized that I wasn't sure I wanted to have to spend a long time writing up my dream report if successful. I went to bed a little after 12:30am, and woke up naturally around 5:40. (I checked the clock but can't recall the precise time, I think it was somewhere between 5:37 and 5:43.) I decided it was too late to do full WBTB and recognized my lack of motivation, so I just shoved the MotivAider in my pillow and went back to bed with no further technique, letting things take their own course.

Although normally I would fall back asleep in seconds or minutes at most after such a brief WBTB, I noticed that now I was oddly wakeful... it seemed like just waiting for the device to go off, even though it was set so that it wouldn't trigger initially until 45 minutes had passed, was keeping me awake. After a few minutes trying to get comfortable I grabbed the sleep mask from my bedside table because I knew the sun would come up soon. I then spent a very long time trying to get back to sleep... or so I thought. In retrospect it is apparent that for much of this period I was experiencing that obscure counterpart of a false awakening, a "false falling asleep" (FFA).

FFA: I think I must have actually fallen asleep very quickly, since a lot of the things I experienced while I thought I was trying to fall asleep turn out to be have been things I dreamed. For instance, at one point I was convinced that I was lying in bed with my body rotated in the opposite direction, my head facing the foot of the bed, but then I fixed this without really moving my limbs... a maneuver that would have been impossible to do physically.

Eventually I decided that I ought to have a back-up EILD method so I tried to program my sleeping mask. I reached up and pried apart the velcro near the top to flick the "on" switch, remembering to hold it down four seconds to enter "nap mode." I couldn't tell if I saw the indicator lights or not... I thought I did, but the impression was vague. Did I have the brightness set too low? Oh well, I don't remember how to change it. I'll just turn it off and turn it back on again to be sure. Hmm, same thing, the lights are vague... I'm not sure if I'm really seeing them or just imagining it. And then I realize... hang on... I'm not even wearing the Remee, this is just an ordinary cloth sleep mask! So I tried to correct the situation by putting my Remee on under the regular mask... and I really thought I had done this until, while writing this report, I began to have doubts and went to check. Sure enough, the Remee hasn't been touched all night! At least I can verify that I was wearing the ordinary mask, since that one has been moved and is now lying on my bedstand where I must have left it after waking up.

At another point in the FFA I even felt the MotivAider finally go off. The vibrations felt lengthened and distorted again. I ignored them since I thought I was still awake, and hoped I would be asleep by the time it went off next. In retrospect I realize I must have dreamed even this, because the MotivAider could not have gone off until 45 minutes had passed (even on random mode it initially counts down the full maximum set interval), and I got up to start writing this report at 6:14am, less than 45 minutes after going back to bed around 5:40... so it is very unlikely that it actually went off in that whole period!

I was getting annoyed with how long it was taking (or so I thought) to fall asleep, and eventually in my impatience I decided to just start "practicing" WILD separations in my imagination. I tried to envision an almost physical pull on my dream body that would tug it up from the lying position into a standing one, and after each repetition of this I imagined myself landing with both feet on the bed with the flourish of a gymnast who has just finished an acrobatic move. It felt at first like I was only visualizing this rather than experiencing it: as though I were just going through the motions, practicing for when I got closer to falling asleep... but before long the sense of immersion set in, and I realized that I was already in a light WILD state. I was surprised that I had been able to move so easily from full wakefulness to full REM, still unaware that I had evidently already been dreaming for quite some time already!

WILD: Since I was under the impression that I had only just transitioned into a dream state, my initial goal was just to improve immersion and stabilization, so without trying to do any tasks at first I simply wandered through the house. I soon half-woke and had to separate again. I used the same visualization as before "pulling myself up" from lying down to standing up, but it went more smoothly and easily this time. Once again I landed like a gymnast, but this time rather than landing on the bed I vaulted right out of it and onto the bedroom floor.

By this time I felt immersed enough to start working on tasks. One of the TOTMs is to dress in a costume, and I had decided in advance that I wanted to dress like a witch, so I went to the "costume closet" where I keep my clothes that are too dressy or impractical for everyday use. At first I was surprised to see (so I thought) nothing but the clothes that are there in waking life. I must have been a bit confused, because although in WL the closet contains plenty of gothy-looking wraps and dresses entirely suitable for a witch costume, the only thing I thought to grab at the time was a small halter top of some colorful iridescent material. I didn't put it on yet, since my priority was to find a mask.

The closet actually contains a box of masks on the upper shelf, but in the dream I "remembered" that I had a brown paper bag of them on the floor, so I went through it until I found a witch mask... or was it? Looking at it again, I thought it actually looked more like a Darth Vader mask that someone had clumsily tried to convert into a witch face with dabs of green paint. But then I "remembered" using it as a witch mask before, so I figured it would be adequate.

Next I needed the pointy hat. I must have one around here somewhere... I dug through the closet, but couldn't find one of the right shape. Nevermind, I can make one! I pulled out a fedora made of black leather, and started trying to pull the top to make it longer and more pointy. At first the material was resistant but I put some focus into the act and soon was able to mold the hat into a proper Halloween-style witch hat, and put it on my head. The fact that it was made of black leather made me feel extra stylish. I paused at the door of the room and wondered if I needed to change my clothes as well, but when I looked down I saw that I was wearing a long black dress that already looked witchy enough, so I never had to put on that stupid halter top!

After walking back out to the kitchen, I remembered to check my reflection in the mirror (in a spot where there is no mirror in WL). It wasn't bad! I looked like that classic witch from the Wizard of Oz: green face, hooked nose, tall hat. The mask was looking much less Vader-like now, and at this point I noticed that there was even an inscription on it (entirely legible in the mirror rather than inverted by the reflection) that gave the title "Witch," and was signed either "Robert" or "Richard." I assumed the name must be that of the local artist who made the mask, and was reassured by the title that it had been intended as a witch mask after all.

When people were contributing suggestions for the October TOTMs, I had really liked the one about flying on a broomstick to a witches' gathering, so this was something I had planned to do once I got in costume. But now I wasn't sure. Maybe it would be fun to work on my lucid dare instead, and go startle some elves with my witch costume! I felt indecisive. And in either case I'll have to leave the house, so which door should I use? I've let myself get into the bad habit of being paranoid that leaving the house might destabilize the dream, so I wondered if leaving by a door I don't often use would help bypass this impression. I know that this worry is a wholly self-imposed obstacle—and moreover that it is not supported by the evidence—yet I also know that even letting myself worry about destabilization can have a destabilizing effect!

While I'm standing there trying to make up my mind, I notice that the scenery outside the kitchen door has already begun to change. Replacing the back patio is now a beautiful summer forest, with green leaves, mossy trunks and a clear limpid pool of water on the ground, like a natural spring. The water is only a few inches deep and appears completely transparent and pure. The scene is so lovely that I immediately let go of my pointless worries and go outside to enjoy it, kneeling in the water and running my hands through it, lifting it in my palms and letting it splash back into the pool. I find myself wondering if these surroundings will transform my costume from that of an ugly old green witch into a young beautiful forest witch. And what do we mean by "witch," anyway? I start pondering the question: aren't those two archetypes (ugly old witch and young beautiful witch) from the same tradition? Don't they both imply a woman with an unusually strong connection to the natural world?

I still haven't decided if I want to look for a witch gathering or an elven gathering in this forest, as I think both could conceivably be taking place here. Would the elves resent my presence if I'm still a Halloween-style witch? But if this pool has transformed me into a beautiful forest witch, maybe I would blend right in. (I regret now that it never occurred to me to check my reflection again in the pool! Though I still had the impression that I was wearing the same black dress.)

Once again the dream distracted me from my thoughts, this time by the sound of a voice singing. It was an attractive male voice, a low tenor, drifting from somewhere up above. The pool where I knelt was at the foot of a rocky ledge, at least ten feet high, and it seemed like the main part of the forest was up there. I flew up (I can't recall if I used a broomstick or just levitated as usual) to see if I could locate the singer. I followed the voice and soon found myself in a green mossy glade. I could not see anyone but I could hear the voice distinctly, so I took note of the words:

On the new sensation lying within,
One can ride a stream of water, straight and thin.

There was another half line of verse after this but on waking it faded before I could record it. I think it had something to do with the feeling or awareness produced by the "new sensation" mentioned in the first line. I woke up before I could listen to any more of the song or continue to look for the singer.

Note: It was still very early after I finished writing all my notes, so I went back to bed. I had some NLDs and at one point as I was starting to wake up from one I found myself thinking about the song again. At this time I got the impression that the missing line might have been: And so a new feeling is won. Of course there's no way to confirm if that's what it was originally, but it's the best I've got to go on!

Black is Non Lucid.
Blue is Lucid.

Lucidity: 3/5
Vividness: 4/5
Length: Short

I was in a mansion, trying to eat a gigantic pumpkin that I found. It started to develop spikes all over it, like the inside of an artichoke. I saw a bug on it, but it didn't bother me too much. Then a spider that was black and spotted white, was jumping randomly, like it was drunk. I left because the spider was scaring me.

After leaving, I gained lucidity. I flew to the upstairs, glad that I finally fell asleep after trying to for about three hours. When I reached the top, I was in this menu where I was choosing what I looked like. There was no option to get out of the menu, so I kept looking up, down, and around, willing a window to appear so I could get out. One did, eventually, and I flew through it. I was back where I was before I was sucked into the menu, the upstairs of the mansion. I came to a room that had the spider in it, somehow, but there was no spider. Instead, two frogs were trying to murder each other. I had two options, according to a dream character: Let the frogs kill each other, or kill them using a bird. I chose the second one, and a bird came down and scooped up one of the frogs. It came back after a second and was disappointed that the other frog wasn't there. I killed the other one, then got angry when I thought of how I tried so hard to fall asleep tonight, and punched the frog in the back of the head, it being as large a human being now. I then was in a restroom, looking at my reflection. I was very skinny and had scars on my back. My face looked the same as it usually does, though.

After losing lucidity, I was in a DOTA game where I was Crystal Maiden with Tidehunter's E, dodging everything and hitting all of the other team with it. This took place in a field that was not textured at all.

I was in Belen applying with their police department. After doing some stuff, they told me I was gonna have a partner and that they would send me to the academy. I had my suit on and was with a few other people. I went into the bathroom and once I looked in the mirror, my face looked really weird and ugly, which freaked me out. I was stressing out and remembered Nikki, which I heard outside. I don't remember what happened next but something said to me that I had 5 minutes to write my dream down before the alarm on my phone went off.

Dream - Lucid

Something about watching some people reenact something from history. It had to do with a huge group of people hiding in this small rectangular area just beneath the ground. It had to do with books or knowledge or something. They were being persecuted. I knew that they were going to die. The persecutors found them and started killing them.

Then, I was in a bedroom, I don't know if it was mine or not, and I was looking through some clothes on the floor. I found some underwear that I hadn't seen in a very long time. I guess I had left it there and forgotten about it. I also saw a pair of sheer black boyshort-style underwear.

I had been wearing, for I don't know how long, all black. I had on black leggings with small bows on the bottom and a black tunic. I was sad or mourning something, hence the all black. I figured that now, though, I should start adding some color back in.

~

I was sitting outside somewhere, though I don't know where. I was in a semi-secluded area. I was sitting down by myself, waiting for Austin. I was vaping this weird drug that had something to do with pigs. It was supposed to get you really high. I inhaled some, and it did exactly what it was supposed to do. I was really high. I think there was weed there too that I was smoking.

Austin then came. He had a friend with him I think. We were smoking together. My brother then walked up. I didn't want him to know I was high, but it was so obvious. He seemed disappointed in me.

I then was looking in a bathroom mirror. I was so high that part of my face, the side that was affected by Bell's Palsy five years ago, was sagging a little, and I couldn't move it like I could move the other side of my face.

Then, I was at work at the bakery, still high. I was in the back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the store manager putting on a hair net and coming back. Crap. He would know I was high. I ran to the very back where the dish sinks are. I looked at one of the sinks to see if I could see my reflection. I did, and saw that my eyes were very red. I hoped he didn't come back and see.

Then it was like Austin and a bunch of his friends lived in this apartment building. They all lived one to an apartment, and they all lived on different floors, but they lived in the apartments directly above and/or below one another so that when they smoked, the smell wouldn't alert a neighbor and they wouldn't get evicted. Something didn't go as planned, however, and they were all getting kicked out. There was a girl named Jessi that I worked with awhile back IWL who lived there too. She was one of Austin's friends in the dream. I wondered if I could live in the apartment with her. I saw her in the apartment. She was wearing all black. Then I couldn't remember if she had killed herself of not.

At some point, I could see on my face that my nose looked pinker and more pig-like. I assumed it was a side-effect of smoking that pig stuff.

~

I was looking at all of these boxes of frozen dinners. I had picked one out that was some sort of hamburger dinner. I really wanted to eat it. The others all sounded ok, but this one sounded the best. My brother then came up and he needed it for some reason. I let him have it. He asked if I was sure, and I said yes, I can eat a different one. I was looking at all the others, trying to decide which I wanted. One was a chicken dinner, and there were some different, more plain hamburger dinners as well. I don't remember which one I chose, but I want to say it was the chicken dinner.

I was then walking with my brother out in the driveway of the house we grew up in. He was walking in front of me. I then started thinking about how he was gay, and I wondered if he had come out to one of his other friends who is also gay (my brother is not gay IWL, but his friend really is).

Dream
Lucid

I was in class taking a history test and using the text book as aid. I decided to go home so I got in my car and was on a small road with sand all over; it was a typical New Mexican road. There were a lot of cops around pulling people over. I was behind a girl and saw her smiling at me. She had short reddish hair with really nice teeth. I came to a stop and suddenly the cops turn on their lights and start speeding off. I pull forward and get on the right lane, then making a right and following a dirt road to my house. The song "Lalala" was playing on the radio. I notice my house, which is different from the one I lived in. It sort of looked like the house I lived in with L. Hernandez. I notice my phone on the counter and wonder how it's there if I used it a while ago. I ask "Am I dreaming?" and count my fingers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. I put my hand down and then snap and become lucid.

I feel happy and look around. I tell myself "Explore, explore" so I walk around. I'm walking with a limp and see a mirror. Looking into the mirror, I see my reflection. I'm wearing a white with red shirt that's ripped on my shoulders. I look pretty buff. I walk into a room that has a drier, washer, and fridge. As I open the fridge, I say "Mashed potatoes!", but find no mashed potatoes in the fridge. I close the fridge and enter another room. I see 2 baskets full of mashed potatoes that have the same texture as bread. I grab one and dip it in a pot of gravy that's right next to me. I take a bite and say "Mmmmm" as I'm chewing. It tasted like mashed potatoes. I start walking out of the house and I say "I'm dreaming, "I'm dreaming", to increase lucidity. I walk out into a patio and notice my dream ending.