memorable

One icy winter night,
I questioned her around the corner where even cars scarcely drive.

It is upsetting to admit this,
But she hears my words one ear to another.

Giving a hollow snort and empty smirk,
She blankly stares at some unknown place.

“Ever been into a bottomless pit?”
Orange street lights shone her side,
Hiding the other half of her sorrow.

“No I just… you’re keep getting hur…….t”
A black car passes, leaving its red light on her.

“Don’t you dare.”
Like a knife chopping a vegetable,
She looks straight into my eyes and firmly says

“E.v.e.r.”

With her conclusion,
She takes a deep breath and jumps from the rail road.
Like always, showing her back to my side,
She goes far away to a place I do not know.

What is the burden you carry on your small back?
The question dims with the white steam of breath.

“There is no exit.”
She seems to be self-mocking her own fault.

just wanted to get this into my DJ... it's from my bedside notebook. The date was 4.12.12, and it was by far the worst and most vivid dream i've had yet this year. This isn't word-for-word as i wrote it that morning, by the way. It's rewritten here to make more sense. Here goes.

there was more at the beginning, but the first i remember i was in some post-apocalyptic world, standing on top of a very tall building that was an odd combination of skyscraper and medieval castle. I was talking to the leader of the group that lived there- an old man who looked like a wizard, complete with beard, blue robe, and pointy hat- trying to convince him to let me stay there.

he said there was a girl there that was sick and had to be separated from the group, and i could stay if i took her down to the basement. So i went to her tent (they all lived in tents on top of this building), and after an argument with her parents i picked her up and carried her over to this big industrial elevator that went all the way down. She was a teenager with short black hair and i noticed that she weighed next to nothing. I could tell she was indeed very sick.

the basement was very much like the inside of an office building. This part is so ridiculously vivid it's almost like a real memory. The carpet was red and the walls were green. It looked lived in; there was laundry all over the floor and a blanket spread out in the corner. She told me to put her on the blanket, which i did. I tried asking her what was wrong, but she said i really had to leave. I walked back to the elevator, only to find that it was either gone or not where i thought it was. I looked around a little, and started getting really anxious when i couldn't find a way out. The girl started yelling at me to leave, and i knew something bad was about to happen. I kept running down the hallways, looking for a way back up. Then, i saw the girl at the end of a hall... her skin was blue/gray, and her arms were strangely long. One of her eyes was red and the other one was black... the black one oozed some dark inky stuff. She was just standing there looking at me.

and that was it. I woke up in a sweat.

This was merely a fragment of a dream, though it was quite... disturbing to remember when I woke up in the morning.

The Man Who Tore His Own Mouth Off

I don't remember where or when this dream originally took place. It seemed like a futuristic grotto of sorts, filled with large, sci-fi buildings and greenery hanging from the sides of those buildings. Though, I remember only one thing; a man. He was of white skin color, had black hair, was of a fat and round build and wore an open gray hoodie with a yellow t-shirt underneath, and baggy gray jeans. He looked pretty standard anyways. I was told by what I thought was my brother that this was a video that I had to watch, and it wasn't really a video. It seemed to be in the same futuristic place. He began opening his mouth manually with his hands, as if he couldn't do it on his own or something. Though, it soon became apparent that he was about to inflict some serious self-harm on himself, and on purpose, too. He opened until it was wide enough, though seemingly emotionless to the whole act. Not a peep or an expression of joy or pain. He stuck a hand in his mouth, and did what I wouldn't have ever expected. He began trying to pull out his lower jaw, and I began to see it come out of his mouth. I covered most of the view with my hand, save for his eyes, though being in a dream, I could see through my hand. He pulled out the lower row of teeth he had, and threw it on the ground without any protest. He then gripped his upper jaw, and did the impossible. He was going to tear out his whole maw, lips and all. I watched it, the blood beginning to flow, and I felt horrible. It soon was halfway out, and the mouth was like a funnel shaped organ as it came out of a blank hole in his head, and once the mouth was out, it was a tube connected to a smaller one in a hole. He began to show some serious pain, and his eyes began to water with tears. He then somehow yelled out "It hurts!" in perfect tone, like his mouth was still there, though it was still being held in the man's hand. I don't remember what happened next, but it was certainly disheartening.

This is a dream I would pay money to remember in exact detail. It was very vivid, gritty, emotional, and at times completely irrational. Again, I want to blame something for my poor recall. So I mention this is additional support for my theory that: irrational dreams are especially forgettable. At the end of the dream things got super weird and my recall of those events is very spotty.

A detailed beginning is completely forgotten:

I was in a very old, run down, poorly light blue, futuristic indoor complex. It was large and imposing but looked darkened and vacant. I was determined to release a group of people from some kind of stasis prison. I seemed to know exactly where to go. I used some kind of stealth device to sneak into a giant room filled with rows of beds with wavy metal gates. I would say at least 60-people in rows stacked to the ceiling were in this large medical-like room.

In the middle of the room, off to one side against the wall was a brightly (white) illuminated bed. The guard I was sneaking up on was laying on it with a blanket trembling with fear. I was going to knock him out when I noticed he was fixated on a point deeper into the room. When I looked I saw what he saw.. It was a ghost. A cloudy looking young man with an outstretched arm walking towards him in a distressed looking manner. I remember thinking, what are the odds I would come to release these people and a ghost would show up?

There was a panel on the guards bed with an orange LED on it. I twisted the knob and all the bed grates began to slowly lower at the same time. The guard saw me when my stealth wrinkled. He was so terrified by the apparition he made no attempt to stop me.

Things go completely hazy at this point...

Next thing I know I am about to enter a "very" haunted area of the complex. I had a powerful high-tech camera with a large screen that allowed me to see in the dark. It was not the ugly green infrared look, it was a pale blue display and it was strikingly clear. When I looked without the camera, everything was almost pitch black. The hall was at least 20ft wide, went forward about 15ft leading to a small set of two or three stairs to a split-level hall leading to the left. The hall had many doors. I remember heavy dust in the air. Long rips in the carpets and clawed looking walls. It was much, much older and worn down than the rest of the complex.

No sooner had I taken a few steps down the hall when I saw a flare of light on the camera. Then, a terrible sounding groaning noise started down the hall and two shabby looking ghosts turned the corner heading towards me. I put down the camera and looked. I saw nothing but I could hear the weird, disturbing moaning getting closer.

This was too much. I hurried out of the hall the way I came. I shut the wooden doors behind me. I could still hear the moaning getting closer. I was standing in a bustling police station. Apparently, the "haunted wing" of the police station had been condemned... I announced, "Two ghosts are following me." Everyone reacted with irritation. I stepped away from the door and turned around. I could see the broken yellow police tape on the door.

To my shock, the two homeless looking ghosts appeared in front of the door looking at me. I heard men yell with fear in the station. Somebody shot some kind of energy weapon that exploded sparks of light everywhere and one ghost vanished.

At this point the dream gets very irrational and unstable. There was some weird thing about shooting a boot. A large plastic shotgun. And some huge super cop that could out perform everyone in the station, including me. I'm almost certain he "took out" the first ghost , and, took out the second ghost in a spectacular way which replayed/repeated like a sports highlight. --Then I woke up.

Note: This dream has many common elements/dream signs: police, prison, desolate future, undead, LCD, and long halls. Even the poorly recalled super cop seemed like a trickster.

1) A minister prayed for me and black goo came out of my hands and vanished. I felt cleansed and at peace. Then my bro in law, A, was suspect. We convinced him and his wife. She said ew get it out. The minister said I had to do it but I didn't believe. in myself enough. It was only partial and he saw paralyzed with fear as the black goo ran from his hands.

* religious dreams have a deeper meaning to me. This dream was about some negative emotions and stress at my job. It is up to me to have a different attitude.

2) My wife kids and I were at an annual carnival. it was huge this year with rides. I think my wife is pregnant and she can't ride. I felt bad for her. I see my ex and her mom. oh great look who it is. I wonder around looking for addmission prices. A security guard stops me and tells me I can't cut in line. I tell him I. just want to know admission prices. He says he's doesn't know. I ask him why he's such an ass? He says alright fine its $2.

* Both dreams very vivid and deatailed. I left details out because of time.

Italic Text = Personal Thoughts
Normal Text = Non-Lucid Segment
Light Purple Text = Partially Lucid Segment
Purple Text = Lucid Segment

I was a prisoner in this castle, the dream started with plotting an escape with another prisoner. We ran out of the castle and across these thin stone blocks suspended above a ravine, as we stepped on the thin stone blocks they began to crack so standing on them for too long wasn't an option. We ran across them as quickly as possible until we came to a more solid stone block where we planned what to do next.

Nearby there was this machine of sorts spinning at high speed consistently. We figured that if we managed to jump on this machine we could launch ourselves from it up and over the castle walls. Things turned slightly insane here. We leapt on the machine and propelled ourselves, one at a time, to try and get over the wall. With each failed attempt we seemed to reset back to the beginning and we were able to try again.

Soon enough, I managed to land on the castle walls and I thought it'd be a simple task of just hopping over the other side, but there was another wall preventing me from doing so on this end. To get to the other end of the castle wall involved trying to get through a blockade of heavy stones that were swinging relentlessly back and forth across it.

I jumped back over the edge of the wall and rappelled along the side. After almost getting hit by the swinging stones, I made it across to the other side. I was cheering at the prisoner who was with me, who was still failing at his attempts to get up here. Little did I know the side of the wall that I rappelled to was actually a guard tower.

I was re-captured and then I had a scene change. Next thing I know I'm again with the other prisoner who I was trying to escape with, performing kitchen duty. We apparently hadn't eaten for days and we were both starving so we sneakily stole some of the leftover food and took it back to our room. To our surprise, after finishing our shift the head of the kitchen staff praised us for our good work and handed us a huge plate of food as thanks. We rapidly tried to hide the stolen food as the guy brought the food into our room and we somehow got away with it.

Another scene change to after we finished eating, and I noticed that with the food we got given was a Christmas Cracker, despite it not being Christmas. I pulled it open regardless just to see what was inside. At this point my roommate left and the whole scene seemed to shift from the castle prison room area to a room in my house. I pulled out a pair of green sunglasses from the Christmas Cracker and decided I wanted to try them on.

I looked in a nearby mirror and took off my normal eyeglasses, then looked in the mirror again and I was completely confused when I could still see perfectly and the glasses were still on my face. I held my hand up and touched the area of my face where my glasses were supposed to be and felt nothing. I rubbed it a bit to make sure and when I took my hand away it looked as if I had "erased" an area of the glasses. I'm completely spun out and I have no idea what's happening.

I held my hands up and finally realised that it was a dream after seeing that I have short, stubby fingers. I recall going to sleep after attempting a WILD despite the ridiculously long dream that occurred before this. I walk into a nearby bedroom in my house, all of the bedsheets are on the floor and for some reason my friend is making the bed. The dream is ridiculously vivid here and I have to remind myself it's a dream.

I decide to talk to my friend, as conversations in my dreams are quite rare. I say "Hey", and without once looking at me my friend says "You know you aren't awake yet? I want to make your bed." -- This shocks me, but I continue the conversation with "I know, I'm in a lucid dream."

Some more conversation later that I don't really recall, only that my friend is really cold towards me and also seems to be incredibly witty, a personality that she doesn't share in real life. I'm interested by how different the dream personality is.

I decide to check out my bedroom, I thought that maybe I would be able to see myself sleeping if my dream character stated that I wasn't awake yet. I opened the door and sure enough, there I am laying there. It was really surreal and I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. The copy of me laying down in the bed opens his eyes and starts staring at me, before lifting himself up into a sitting position. We're both staring at each other now and I have no idea what's really happening, I don't completely understand how I could be in two places at once.

The dream starts to become fuzzy here, I think we start some brief conversation and I walk up to him but at one point I think I close my eyes for some reason and when I open them again I'm awake and laying in bed.

I lay still for a few minutes, trying to re-enter the dream with DEILD and while I feel the vibrations sweep over me I don't seem to be able to re-enter. I think because of my head being all over the place trying to figure out what just happened, or maybe because it was so late into my sleep cycle that I couldn't fall asleep again that easily.

Date: 26/06/2012
Place: My own bed (for a change!)
Time of getting into bed: 11pm
Glass of apple juice in the day.

Dream 1 - non lucid

We are at a music festival or music event. There are lots of bands and different stalls etc. We go into a small, dark, dingy shed. (We being me, and friend I and friend R) We are just chilling / talking in here. I know of a group of people just outside, and I know that they are not friendly. One of them comes in to retrieve a bag he left inside here, which is like a holdall type bag. He tells us there is a human skull inside, and we just say 'ok' because we don't want any trouble. The group are young, hooligan type kids (god I sound old) who have guns. The young guy gets offensive and pulls out his gun, but my friend I takes it off him. There is no struggle, more like a nervous tension. I plays with the gun, asks the kid some questions while the kid answers them. I then aims the gun jokingly, and 'accidentally' shoots the kid several times. Although he is not hurt, they shots are close and nearly hit him every time, so the kid takes the gun back. Now he has it back, the kid dos the same; talks about the gun and aims it at people. I panic, assuming he will end up shooting someone. He shoots at me, and I get scared but he tells me not to be scared, and that my jumper is too baggy, and will catch the shots before they get to me. Amazingly he's right.

[Dream 2 - Lucid dream

I woke and wrote my previous dream (see above) I needed a pee so I went to the toilet and came back. As I lay down, I attempted to WILD. I was very hot and had to stop to remove covers then continue. (I always get hot when I WILD?) I start 'feeling' a dream, talking with friends, playing with my friends cat. To keep myself aware, I start 'rubbing' my friend's sofa that I am sat on while this dream forms. (Dream sofa, I am really in bed) However the dream is not solid yet. Suddenly, I am in a fully fledged dream and don't know how I got here! However I am fully lucid. Unlike my last lucid, I do not panic and I stay calm. But I think this is due to a lower level of awareness. So I'm walking with my partner (let's call him 'N') down the road, I fear there was more to the beginning of this lucid but alas, I have forgotten. I am telling N that I am dreaming. He doesn't believe me, but does ask me some questions to test me. I tell him let's get a train, so take him to the train station. As we walk there, I am amazed by the details my mind has come up with. The scenery etc. We get on the train and I see a pigeon close by, I try to touch it but it flies away. However I'm not bothered as I'm happy I am dreaming, so we hop on the train. As I walk by a DC, I stroke his face to feel the stubble on his face, he stares at me but doesn't seem to mind. We get off the train again, and I'm not sure where we have got off. I ask N if he believes me yet, he says no, but does seem to be thinking hard about it, like I am beginning to convince him. We have to go through a check-point before we can leave the train station (like guards on a gate) and as we approach I get horny. I get out my junk with the intent to present it to a DC when we arrive at the gate. N notices and asks me what I am doing. I suddenly realize I don't want to upset N, even if it is the DC version. So I put it away and pretend I wasn't doing anything. However N is very persistant, grabbing me and challenging me. I get a bit frustrated and suddenly N is as well. I fear he may become angry and ruin the dream, but I remember what I read on DV about making DCs do what you want, so I think of the most plausible thing I can and say 'N, aren't you supposed to be at the post office today? It shuts in like 5 minutes you better hurry!' N works for the PO. He suddenly realizes and rushes off, leaving me alone. I decide I am no longer horny after that charade, and progress through the gates into this new, unknown place. When entering this place (must have been a building, but I don't remember doors of any kind) I was almost speechless about how AMAZING it looked. Not necessarily real, but just very detailed, and beautiful. It was along the lines of a train station, mixed with a shopping centre, and maybe a pub or nightclub element to it too. I saw so much in here, simple wandering round that I have probably forgotten much of it. First of all, there were lights and displays. I think it was evening-ish time so these lights looked BEAUTIFUL, I really stared at them, noticing they were made of little lights, with a yellow glow. Reminded me a bit of Xmas lights. I was smiling madly, thinking 'this dream is awesome.' I then walked off, found some women searching in a fridge for their dinner while they were on a break. I searched for a little bit but then walked off. I was at a bit of a loss of what to actually do. I didn't even think of flying (dur) and even though I knew I was dreaming, I didn't do anything crazy or mind-blowing! I suddenly remembered the task of the month. I knew it involved walking through a mirror. I turned around, expecting to find a mirror, and taadaa! A lovely mirror. It was a bit high for me (I'm a shortarse) so I pulled myself up to it, and just stuck my head through boldly. At first I thought of a beautiful park scene, and thought 'don't think of that, cos then that's what you'll see!' however it wasn't, what I did see, was SPACE. Like, our universe, just black, and filled with stars and I could even make out the milky way. It was BIG. There were brightly coloured parrots flying through space, just casually flying around, in all directions, kind of slow. The vastness of the space scared me however, and I decided there was no way I was climbing in there! So I pulled my head out. It was hard to get out, like I would somehow fall in, and for a minute I was stuck, but a very nice young DC, who had black hair and a friendly smile pulled me out. I thanked her and told her the mirror was 'all hers.' So she climbed up and stuck her head in too!
I walked off again, repeating over and over that I would remember the mirror for the TOTM, determined not to forget. I followed rooms in this building, not going in them but reading the signs above the doors, observing the DCs going on with their lives. I came across a large photo booth (the type you get passport photos printed instantly on) but it was 4 or 5 times bigger. I went inside, and realized you were supposed to sit on the tacky-looking plastic sofa (it was an old, battered machine) and put money in, then a person would have a conversation with you about anything you liked. I found this silly and walked out, the thought crossed my mind that if I pulled the curtains, I could have some 'adult fun' in this booth. But I decided against it, not wanting to end the dream early. I walked up some stairs, running my hands along the metal pole at the sides, and finding it very metal-like. I found a room which I spent some time reading the sign above it, but have now forgotten what it said. A young guy walked past, and I got horny again. Figuring I'd just go for it, I walked up and asked him if he fancied some fun. He ignored me, but clearly wasn't interested. He wasn't even that good looking, but for some reason I persisted, taking his hand and placing it down my pants. He was clearly uncomfortable with this, and gave me a terrible look which made me question my morals. However I knew I was dreaming, so kept telling myself he wasn't really upset and it was just my mind telling me its not nice to do things like this to strangers! However the guys dad suddenly appeared, concerned where his son was. His dad looked mad so I left! While walking away, I thought 'hey, I haven't had to stabilize this dream once!' So I rubbed my hands together to practice, and the whole place lit up, and became a bit clearer. However this faded again as soon as I stopped rubbing my hands. I already thought everything was clear, but now it had been clearer and gone back again it seemed a little unclear. (If that makes sense) I shouted stabilize! But my dream began to fade, I shouted it again, this time with NOW on the end, and summoning up as much confidence and courage as I could. The dream came back. I had a few more seconds of walking around, then blackness began to set in. I tried spinning, but I couldn't do it, it was really hard! I couldn't even get close, I tried rubbing my hands again, and this was better, but in the end I just gave up, and let myself wake up. I figured it was the end.

When awaking, I could have gone straight back into a dream again, I didn't move or open my eyes. However I wanted to write in my DJ, I didn't want to lose the dream! So I got up. Although this dream was clearly lucid, it didn't feel as real as the first time I had a lucid dream. I think this is why I was a lot more in control, because it wasn't so shockingly life-like. Don't get me wrong, it was pretty amazing. I feel annoyed that I didn't do more, and super annoyed that I let my penis get in the way of a decent dream.

Dream 3 - Non Lucid dream

My cousin 'C' has come to stay fr a few days. I got on well with him (he annoys me in RL) and we had lots of people who were crowding round to see / meet us, like we were famous or something. More him then me. We were talking about going to a music concert while he was here, I told him Linkin Park were playing, but he wanted to see Rhianna. I thought 'he used to have decent taste in music...'. There was some sort of parade going by, with lots of drunk people watching and celebrating. I have a fish tank with lots of shrimp but no fish. I complain about this and someone tells me to draw some fish, put them inside and they will come to life. I start doing this, but my cousin distracts me, as do our fans who keep watching us / asking us questions.


***NOTEWORTHY***
LUCID DREAM!!!
WBTB / WILD
TASK OF THE MONTH?
Festivals / concerts YET AGAIN - DS
Cousin hasn't visited for a while

From a WBTB I told my self I was going to have a lucid. The next thing I remember is walking into the bathroom and looking in the mirror. As I was putting a bobby pin in place I told myself I was dreaming and to do a RC. At first I was not going to but I thought how bathrooms are a major DS for me. So I did a nose pinch check.

While walking out of the house I stuck my hand behind my back and was trying to make something appear in it, but did not have any luck. When I got to the door I deiced to try and summon someone behind it saying their name out load I opened the door, but a kid stumbled in. At this point I start to lose the dream so I made my self settle down and stabilize the dream with slow breathing to bring my emotion meter back down. This brought me out of the whiteness back into the dream. At this point even though I was in the same spot as before the kid was a distant memory therefore he was not in the dream any more. I was happy about this and walked outside into daylight (my lds are almost always take place at night in the dream). I feel giddy and light hearted standing in the sun looking around. I stand in place for a minute dazzled then try to think of a task to do.

The only thing which comes to mind is to visit the DWDVA so I say (my tongue feels very swollen and I can barely get the words out.) out load this is what I want to do. I see a flash and then start walking across the street as I know it is across the lake like always when I summon it. Getting across the street is a little had for me as I stumble on the other side still on the road. I start to panic a little as I can not get back up at there is a car coming. Then bam the lick hearted feeling hits me and I calm back down knowing this is a dream and I can control it.

I get up and start walking again. When I get fully across the street I see three roads I can take. And it kind of looks like a western town with muddy roads and cowboys standing around. There was even a cow or two. I run up to a group of three cowboys and ask them which path to take. When I get to them I slip and am now laying in the mud. They all laugh at me but I shrug it off. I work around my still swollen tongue to ask them which path to take. (However before falling I seen a sign which led me to believe it was the middle path). They all look at me weird then say something stupid about not seeing a moon so they can not tell me which way to go. They then try to make an insulting joke, but I get up telling them how lame it was and how they could do better.

When I get close to the shore I see the castle is on and island and not on the other side of the lake. This time I did not see a dock with a waiting boat so I tell myself no matter I will just walk there. I get to the edge of the lake and step in. I am not sure what I was expecting after telling my self I could walk on the water because it was solid and did not exist, but I fell right through into the water. I said no matter I will just swim, but there seemed to be a strong current around the island which made it imposable to swim through. After finding myself by the shore once again I called for mancoon to come in his boat.

He does, or rather a mancoon but not the once I was expecting. I was expecting the owl I have run into by the dock before. What I got was kind of a stuffed beaver with a small wooden boat. After trying to get into the boat and failing I ask him if he could just swim me there while I was holding on to him. He said yes I guess because off we went. After swimming in circles for a sec I picked him out of the water to show him where to swim and the next thing I knew I was pulling my self onto the shore of the castle.

I get excited I made it to the island and almost lose the dream. But I wrap my arm around a pillar I am sitting by. I just focus on the texture of it to stabilize the dream. It is smooth and cold to the touch. However this is not enough so I get the idea to drum my fingers on it making my nails clack on the stone for the audio sense. This woke really well and I find my self in the dream with it feeling more stable than before.

I exit the water all the way and start to make my way to the entrance. While walking I notice some weapons showcased on the walls. They were on those cheesy wooden board cut and painted to look like shield flags. On one I noticed a name. It was something Toaster. This struck me as very odd and silly for a name of a sword, even more so if it was used to kill a dragon. I started giggling thinking about the name. When I finally got to the entrance the dream faded too fast for me to do anything about.

Last night was upsetting for me, for several different reasons. The one that will affect this entry the most is the fact that while I could recall several fragments when I woke up, I didn't take notes right away and choose instead to go to the bathroom first. In the five minutes it took me to get back in bed, I had forgotten all but one. I'm truly sure the reason the one dream stuck with me was because it was so upsetting to me.

Dream: The begging of the dream I'm in a school of some sort, as part of a class. The teacher is very upset with a student, and decides we're going to take a class trip to that students parents house so she can speak to the student in question. The students house turns out to be across the street and it's actually a thrift shop that my mom took me to recently. Now's where the dream gets clearer and I figure the meaning of it is probably at. I'm walking through this thrift shop, and I'm struck with two thoughts. The first being that I loved this place the first time I visited it because it's full of all kinds of random stuff and hidden treasures. The second thought it that it's so cluttered the way the booths are set up for individual people rather than having all the merch arranged by what it is. I feel annoyed that I might see books or dvds in twenty different booths rather than seeing them all in the same place. Both are things I thought of when I was at this store the first time in waking life as well (I've never been to a consignment shop like that before, lol) Then I feel a mental tugging to my left, and I feel like I should go that way. Part of me is worried about breaking from the group and getting in trouble like the student who's parents we came to see, but then part of me is intensely curious. When I think of the student in trouble, I feel very repulsed and hateful towards them. I feel like being in trouble makes them lesser people, and even go as far as to think of them being trash and that I don't want to be associated with someone like that and I don't want to get in trouble and have people think that way about me. But then that tugging is familiar, there's always a reason for that mental tugging "Go this way" feeling and I hate to ignore it because I know whatever it is will be worth it. I look towards that direction, and see nothing, but then I look back at the class that's starting to walk off, and I decide my curiosity is getting the best of me and I need to go that way. I start walking the direction of the pull, and I see a door. I don't know why I go through it, but I do. I step through the door to the outside, and then the is quickly shut behind me, and I look up to see a guy who's taller than me but what else he looked like I can't remember now. My knees get weak and I find myself half falling half sitting quickly on the ground leaning against the door. I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I suddenly realize how horrible I had been to think badly of the person who was in trouble, even though I didn't even know why they were in trouble or even if the teacher really had a right to be angry. I realize that I was just behaving how the group was because I was in the group, and how I had almost let being part of the group keep me from following my own path to this door. The guy kneels down by me, He stays to my left side, but wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest. I think I started crying, but I was trying not to so it wasn't huge sobs, but just tears leaking out of my eyes. The guy tells me that the student who was in trouble was Shane's sibling, and that the parent the teacher was looking for was Shane's mom. If I wasn't crying before, I was then.

((Not part of the dream, but important to the meaning I'm sure. Shane was my best guy friend in high school. He was one of those people who would do anything to make you happy. The first time I met him, he just walked up to me at my locker one day when I was having a horrible day, and he says, "Look what I can do!" Then bashed his head HARD against my locker, laughed, and walked off. I'm sure it hurt, but it just made me feel so much happier, knowing that someone I didn't know noticed I was having a bad day and went to so much trouble to make me laugh. I noticed that he'd do it to other people too, but where as I smiled and appreciated the effort to make me smile, most people got disgusted looks on their faces or just ignored him completely. Eventually he moved on to grabbing me in the hallway for random hugs and messing up my hair. We didn't interact much in person except for those random moments, but we talked online for hours. It wasn't like flirting, he had a girl friend he'd been with for four years and was hopelessly in love with her which ultimately lead to his death in my senior year.He was like the older NICE brother I never had. Then when his girlfriend left him for another guy, he sped off to change her mind. He took a turn way too fast and now he's gone.))

Back to the dream, I felt even worse knowing I had let the "group mind" control the way I was treating someone, especially when I realized that the student in trouble was probably in trouble for being misunderstood rather than having actually done anything to hurt anyone. Shane was often in trouble, but all the things I saw him get in trouble for were things that he did to make others smile, he never hurt anyone. I start to say I didn't know and I wish I'd done something instead of going along with everyone else. The guy tells me it's ok, that this isn't really the students home anyways. He tells me that's ok, and I got away so everything will be ok now. Then he tells me we need to leave, and I notice my kids are there. They've been standing quietly by the wall the whole time and I was so self absorbed thinking about how horrible I was that I didn't even notice. This makes me feel bad again, but I decide to just push it aside because I can't change that I didn't notice them, what I can change is if I continue to ignore them or if I step out of my self absorption and give them the attention they deserve. The guy takes my son's hand, and starts hurrying across the street behind the store. I pick up my daughter and follow him. When we get to the sidewalk on the other side of the street, I set my daughter down, and the guy tells me that he has to go the other way to take care of something else, but not to worry, he'll meet up with me again later. I seem to understand that I need to take the kids somewhere safe where they won't be effected by the group mind like I was, and start to take them to the left. My son gets upset and starts crying, he wants to go right with the guy. He jerks his hand out of mine, and runs back towards the guy. I pick up my daughter and run after him. He's crying into the guys legs, and I wake up.

I'm feeling a combination of depressed and useless right now. I feel like I should be doing something, like I'm supposed to be doing something, but I can't figure out what. Anxiety I guess is the right word. Like I'm wasting my time and not doing what I'm supposed to be... but I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be doing! Also missing Shane right now, and looking at myself trying to figure out how much of "me" is really ME and how much is just me going along with others. This is one of those dreams that has a HUGE impact on my waking life as well.

I'm in a hotel room somewhere in the inner city. I'm with a few people. Their names were Eric, Leah, and some other guy who I didn't know. I always chatted with them on Facebook but not too much in real life. For some reason, I was in love with Leah in this dream. I felt the same way I did about Quynh about Leah. I talked to Leah and tried to become only friends with her. She knew I liked her. He accepted me as a friend only. While I was in this hotel room, I couldn't help but think that being only friends can be fun but I still have some love for her. Sometimes Leah's figure would change and become one of the other people I met back when I was in a hospital. She was very pretty. Me and her friends were talking about going somewhere like a party or event. I forgot exactly what it was but I decided to go. Even though Leah wasn't going, I still went with a rapper named Pitbull. I'm not sure why it wasn't Eminem instead. Eric wasn't coming, so I went alone out of all the 3 people who were in the hotel room with me. Sometimes I would go in to that hotel room and think about how much I loved Leah, but tried my best not to take it too far. I tried to be grateful for having her as a friend.

This is a strange one. I dreamed that my husband and I were having some work done on the back of our house. He had hired two guys to do most of the work. One of them was an older, short and kind of stocky man from Mexico. He apparently had a crush on me and liked to follow me around. Nighttime came, and my husband and I were getting ready for bed. The workers were supposed to have left much earlier. I was turning out the lights in the kitchen when I saw someone move outside the window. I shut off the lights immediately and ran to hide in the front part of the house. It looked like the worker with the crush, but why was he there so late? Suddenly, I heard footsteps. He had gotten in the house somehow! I hid in a small bed and covered myself with blankets. Surely he couldn't see me or know I was there in the dark. The footsteps got closer and closer and louder. Finally, I could tell he was in the room with me. I was near panic. I was could tell he was close by, and I was afraid he would try to restrain me. My heart was pounding. I wanted to scream so my husband could hear me, but no sound would come out. He kissed my ear instead.

I woke up immediately from this dream and sat up in bed. To my horror, there was someone standing beside my bed! I thought it was a home invasion. I jumped so hard and grabbed my husband with both arms. For once, he did not wake up. The figure looked like a tall and rather thin young man. He jumped back when I moved and appeared to be rather cowed, as if he had not meant to frighten me. We stared at each other for what seemed like a long while. It was dark, but I could see his form, just not his face. Then he faded away like mist. It was about 2:30 am. My heart pounded for awhile after this. My chest hurt like I was going to have a heart attack.

Perhaps my brain was slow to regain consciousness and my dream was pasted over reality somehow? If this was so, then why did the man change from how he looked in the dream? Why was I able to stare at him for so long? Or he could have been a ghostly visitor perhaps, and my brain made up the dream as a result of his visit?

Italic Text = Personal Thoughts
Normal Text = Non-Lucid Segment
Light Purple Text = Partially Lucid Segment
Purple Text = Lucid Segment

I awoke from a really crazy non-lucid and figured I would try a DEILD. I lay there, counting back from 10 and as I did so I eventually got an image of a video game character kind of "gearing up" for lucidity. I remembered what Sageous said about not really experiencing hypnagogic imagery when doing DEILDs, which is what I first assumed it was, but I opened my eyes and I was inside of a dream.

I'm in my bathroom at this point, I look at my hands to make sure it really is a dream and notice that my hands look surprisingly normal, only that I had somewhat shorter fingers. I do a nose plug test just to make sure, and sure enough, I'm dreaming.

I follow with some stabilisation techniques, when I rub my hands together I can barely feel my left hand as if it was numb, I remember I was laying on that hand as I done the DEILD so I guess the numbness carried over into the dream.

When I was sure the dream was stable, I decided I wanted to try changing the dream scene. It's something I've never really played around with before. I wasn't too sure where I wanted to go but I just wanted my subconscious to throw me into some whacky environment. My first attempt involved trying to create a "portal" on a nearby wall that I could walk through but with no luck, and doing so made the dream somewhat fuzzy again.

I walk into a bedroom and spin on the spot, figuring that would stabilise the dream and maybe teleport me elsewhere. It stabilised but no teleportation, I did notice that the door I walked into the bedroom from had kind of "warped" though, it was all skewed and kind of a staggered opening now, as if an earthquake had shocked the walls into weird positions.

I walk through the tiny crevices of the wall where the door use to be, and the hall I was previously in was now fuzzy and foggy so I leave that space and go back into the bedroom, again weaving throughout the walls.

I decide I may as well go outside, that I may have some more luck with changing locations out there. I go up to the window and notice a balcony below it that isn't there in real life. I phase myself through the wall/window and down onto the balcony, where I find a bald, blue-skinned woman with light green spots dotted over her face. I think she's tending to a garden or something. I speak to her briefly (though I now forget the conversation) and determine that she's incredibly creepy before slowly backing away.

I remember a tip I got in IRC last night, that running through walls could be a good way to change locations. I see a house across the road with a perfect wall that I could run at so I brace myself, prepare to phase through the wall and start running at full speed towards it. Faster and faster I run, until I smash my face right into the solid rock. I stumble backwards and I'm really disorientated, then I find myself back in my bed

I again follow through with a DEILD, doing the same as I did before and getting the same imagery before opening my eyes, and finding myself in yet another lucid dream.

I'm just outside my house now, my brother's car is parked and it had recently been raining by the looks of it, as everything was slightly wet. To stabilise I thought I'd try something new, just to see how well my senses would hold up. I take my hand and swipe it across the wet car, feeling the smoothness of the car body and the water as it splashed away when I swiped my hand over. I was shocked at how realistic it felt.

I continue with my attempts at changing location in my dream. I try jumping up in the air to begin with, and telling myself that when I fall back down I will phase through the ground into another dream, with still no success.

I heard stories of people "falling" into new dream scenes, so next I follow up by letting myself fall forward, figuring this surely had to work and I would just fall into a new scene. Nope, again I faceplanted right into the ground. I pull myself up from the wet ground, and try to figure out what else I could try.

I walk out into the street, it's somewhat dreary and looks like it's going to rain again. There's puddles on the roads and nobody's around. I see a car at the end of the street just turning down into my road. I again try the spinning method to enter a new scene but I think I was focusing on the sound of the car splashing through the puddles as it drove down the road too much, as I was stuck in this scene. I come to the conclusion that if I untether all of my senses from this scene when I spin that I may be able to slip into a brand new one, so I tense my ears, close my eyes and stop breathing in the fresh-smelling air that occurs after recent rainfall and spin myself around. I open my eyes and find that I had just woken myself up, rather than entering a new scene.

I try re-entry again for a little bit, and I think I would have been able to do it but I was far too excited by this point over the fact that I had successfully chained 2 DEILDs together, and done it after waking from a normal dream too. I decided it was pointless and I didn't want to risk forgetting these dreams as well as the non-lucid that I had before them both, so I gave up and just wrote in my journal.

26.06.2012

A New Phone (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I remember being in what looked like my churchh's courtyard. After some party or something there, Mike walked past me on the way out. I turned around and told him goodbye. He said, "See you later." Then he stopped. He then turned around and said something to me but I can't remember what it was. Instead of him leaving, we both walked to some sort of store.

Mike told me that he was looking for a new phone, and he knew where to find the best phones in that store. We walked all the way to the back to what looked like a medicine isle. I looked up and saw a white cord dangling form over the top of the isle.

It looked like a grey phone cord. He picked it up and then pulled on it. A small box that was attached to the cord emerged. He picked it up and held it, eyeing it. Then he gave it to me. "What do you think?" He asked.

I looked at the box. On the box was a picture that showed about six boxes side by side. In only the first two were things written in. One talked about some new phone, the other talked about a Go-phone.
"I don't know." I said. Then the dream ended.

26.06.2012

Why so mean? (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I remember being in someone's house. We were there for some sort of reception. I remember a lot of kids playing around. My friend E was there. For some reason she wasn't being very nice to me. She was all hostile and wouldn't really talk to me.

I decided to talk to her, but she would just say these really short answers.

I can't really remember what happened, but we were sitting at some sort of booth in the house. Those kids were still all around us, being annoying.

i was in a field with wheat not to tall wheat it was about to my waist and i looked up and saw earth but mexico was gone it was so vivid a thought raced into my mind i kept thinking if im not on earth then where am i then it hit me i plugged my nose and i could breath and i said im dreaming then i woke up this was a very beautiful dream i could have cried (i did use idoser lucid dream i havent lucid dreamed in a while so that was probably why i was surpriesd and woke up).

Cows in the Flowers

I dreamed there was an island of flowers in my yard. Three cows were on the little garden area. There wasn't even room on the flower bed for them to turn around, but they stayed right there.

What is Spinning me in Bed?
I felt as though I was spinning by the feet in bed. I opened my eyes (in my dream) to see if I really was spinning. I seemed to be in my bed straight.

I closed my eyes again and paid attention to my body. I really started to spin. Not fast--I simply felt myself moving in a circle as though someone took my feet and was spinning me around.

I thought it was satan, my ex step-mother, or my Dad. All should have been dream signs, and opening my dream eyes should have been a hint that I was dreaming. Oh well.

Trying not to think about Satan (I don't believe in the devil iwl), I called out the name of my ex step-mother. I saw a silhouette of her, but there was a little light showing her dark skin color.

I called out to my Dad.

This is the third dream in the last few weeks where I kind of knew I was dreaming or that something was not real or not right.

Dream skip

I was at a party for a really rich guy. At first I was out doors. His property was huge. It felt like a college campus with grassy areas leading to a wall with a 2 foot drop, then a large walkway laid with brick.

I ended up going with a guy inside. I had a beer that tasted like pink ginger-ale. We went in a room looking for something. I set my beer down, and when we left, I realized I had left my beer in the room.

I went back to look for it and couldn't find it. I went to a back room and couldn't find it. I went back to a bathroom and looked around and finally found it.

I then asked the guy I was with if he wanted something. He said he wanted a quesa dilla with four pieces of something. I then had a small, home made tortilla in my hand with 4 pieces of cheese. I went into a back bathroom to put it together with onion or something. My friend D's wife was in the bedroom. I was hoping she would show me a little something. She never did.