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I'm in Håkanssons old TV-room where Diego lives now. It's like before Diego moved in. I'm sitting on the bed under the TV, Therese is sitting on the couch in front of me and William is sitting on the couch to my left. I watch out a window behind William. It's only plain grass and a demolition machine with a wrecking ball about 300 meters from here. It starts to swing the wrecking ball and the chain that hold it is really long. It comes against us and I start to panick. The wrecking ball destroys the wall where William was next to. William and Therese are calm. Peter comes and I know that it was he who used the machine. William and Therese have full confidnece in him. The wall where Therese was is also destroyed. William equips working clothes and starts to put up temporary fences around the house. I walk out and inspect the fence. I look at some cords that are holding the fence together and see how they tangle themselves up in some roots in the ground. I try to fix them.

Notes: Dad and I tried to call William yesterday.

I'm at a party and those who party have bad energy. They are dressed as different Batman characters such as Batman, Joker and Harley Quinn. There is a pillar where someone is tied up. It is maybe me but I'm not certain. Some of them punch the tied man and the person dressed as Harley is doing some kind of dance against the tied man.

Notes: I looked at a batman game some days ago.

I'm about to play table tennis but my racket is wrongly designed. The table tennis rubber and the layer under the table tennis rubber have changed places with each other. The racket feels heavy and I am about to rip the upper layer off. My mom is behind me and urge me not to destroy the racket. I tell her that I'm about to fix it and she is okey with me fixing it now. I rip it of and I feel how light and good it feels now. The rubber has a lot of spinn in it. There are some people next to me who are playing against a wall. I feel how heavy their rackets are even though I don't hold them. I could be one of them too.

Notes: My life just got much easier and this dream symbolises how I am the one responsible for my well being.

I had a dream last night where I was working for a catering company and was serving as bartender at an event in the back yard of a really nice house. The house was a mansion with a terraced back yard that backed-up to a large lake or a river. I was working at the party with an athletic middle aged lady with shoulder length blonde hair and girl in her late teens or early twenties who had long blond hair that was pulled into a pony tail. The middle aged lady was in charge of the even and the girl who was her daughter was taking turns passing around finger food on a tray and then going back around and picking up empty plates and glasses. Sometimes she would also come-up to the bar where I was working and get a fresh drink for guests with empty glasses. I think the dream was set in the present time because the woman, girl, and me were all wearing masks and the party was outdoors and everyone was practicing social distancing.

The house and yard that backed-up to the water were beautiful and well maintained. I do not know whose house it was, but the yard looked like the grounds you would see at a palace. There was a boat house and dock that went out into the water at the end of the back yard and there were some really nice boats that were tied to it. While working at the bar, I would see guests to the party come and go in boats sometimes.

While I was tending the bar, I would see the woman walking around keeping an eye on everything and putting food out for the guests to eat. Sometimes I would see her keeping an eye on me. A few times she would come behind the bar when no-one was waiting for a drink to let me know things I was doing that she didn’t like and I needed to improve on. Sometimes she would come to have me make a drink for a guest. She definitely seemed to have very high expectations and seemed a little difficult to work for.

When the party was over, I got to go into the house to take things from the kitchen back to a green 1980’s Silverado with a camper top with the catering company log on it was parked in a remote corner near a utility building out of site from the mansion and grounds where the party had been. The house was one of the nicest I had ever been in with everything inside of it super nice and expensive looking. It looked like the inside of a mansion you would pay to take a tour of. Whenever I was in the house, the woman or girl always seemed to be nearby and made sure I was sticking to the task at hand and not looking around.

When we had everything out of the house and back in the truck, the lady told me to go ahead and get in the cab since I didn’t have anything else to do and she didn’t want me standing around. I open the passenger side door and sit down on the brown vinyl bench seat and then roll down the window and take off my mask because it is a little stuffy in the truck.

Not long after I start looking at my cell phone, the blonde girl is at the passenger side door. She tells me to scoot over to the middle and then opens the door and sits down in the passenger seat. As soon as she closes the door, she quickly rolls-up the window I and opened and then tells me to put on my mask and then tells me to buckle-up as she puts on her seat belt. I pick-up my phone to look at it, and girl tells me I need to keep it in my pocket and tells me that I need to sit-up strait and keep my hands in my lap like she is doing. I guess this is my first time working an event for them, because the girl is explaining to me how her mother expects us to act when we are waiting for her in the truck. She tells me that when we are waiting in the truck after an event that her mom expects us to sit up strait and stay still and look strait ahead because she wants us to look professional in case anyone sees us. She says we all have to keep our masks on whenever we are on the location where an even takes place incase someone sees us.

After we have been waiting for a few more minutes, I ask her why it is taking her mom so long to load everything back in the truck. She tells me she and her mom finished loading the truck before she got in with me and that her mom has gone back to talk with the hosts and make sure nothing was left behind. She tells me we probably won’t be going anywhere anytime soon because her mom usually spends at least 10-20 minutes with them and making sure everything has been cleaned-up. I start to slump down in the seat and the blond girl nudges me with her hand and tells me I need to sit up strait. I then turn my head towards to passenger side window to see if I can see what her mom is doing and she reminds me I need to be looking strait ahead. I them just focus on the water a few hundred yards in front of us wile the girl and I carry on a conversation and she gives me a heads-up about other things her mother will expect from me and keeps talking about other employees who either left or were fired because they didn’t meet her mother expectations. Whenever I am not sitting up strait or looking strait ahead, the blonde girl corrects me.

After we have been waiting in the cab for a really long time, her mother is finally opening the driver side door. I turn to look at her, and she tells me I need to just look strait ahead. I look towards her again when she is trying to start the truck, and she reminds me that I need to look strait ahead and sit up strait until we are out of there driveway. When she gets the tuck started and is putting it in gear, she reminds both me and her daughter that we need to look strait ahead until we are out of the driveway. She says she knows we want to look at the house and grounds while we are driving out, but she is afraid the hosts might see us starting and gawking.

I have to resist the temptation to look around during the drive out their really long driveway and not turn to look at the house or fountains and statues in the front yard. When we get to the end of the driveway, she reminds us both to keep looking strait ahead and then makes a left turn onto the road. After we get to the end of the road and make a right turn onto the next road, she tells us we can now take our masks off and look wherever we want. The daughter quickly takes her mask off and I take mine off right afterwards while the woman keeps hers on since she is driving. When she gets to a stop sign, she takes her mask off and then tells us that she will find a place to stop so she can get some gas and we can use the bathroom and stretch since we have a long drive ahead of us. As she keeps driving, she is telling us that the hosts seemed really happy with how the event went and thank us for both for working hard and making sure that the guests and hosts were well taken care of. She then told me that the hosts had mentioned to her that several people told them I made great drinks and she was happy to have me on their team. As the woman kept driving, I saw there were communities with golf courses on both sides of the road. I figured we were getting closer to town and a bathroom and stretch break.

When we got to a red light, the woman put the truck in park and then leaned over me and her daughter to pull a map out of the glove box. When the light turned green, she went through it and then pulled off the side of the road to look more closely at the map. I asked if she needed me to get her directions on my phone and she told me she was old school and like using a map. When done studying it, she leaned back over me to put in back in the glove box. After she was done, she sniffed around the interior of the truck and then told me and her daughter that she thought she smelled poo and told us to check our shoes. I looked down at my black shoes and saw that I had stepped in something.

I held off on saying anything until I heard her daughter say “not me”. I then reluctantly told her I had stepped in something. She then groaned really loud and started interrogating me. She asked me if I had checked me shoes before going into the house. When I told her no, she asked me the last time I knew my shoes were clean. When I told her I hadn’t looked at them since getting to the event, she slammed the truck in drive and speed to the first empty parking lot she could find lecturing me on how irresponsible it was not to be checking my shoe and the I should have known to always check them before going into someone’s house.

When she found a parking lot, she speed into a parking place and then slammed the tuck in park and turned it off. She told me she had to call the hosts to make sure no one had tracked into their house and that she would have to pay to clean anything I tracked on. As she was getting out, I started to undo my seatbelt to get out and clean my shoe when she snapped “stay” and then slammed her door shut.

As I watched her pacing around the parking lot and taking on the phone, her daughter was taking her turn lecturing me about how irresponsible I was not to check my shoes and that she couldn’t believe I was that careless when we were working at such a nice house with expensive things. She also suddenly noticed how bad the truck smelled and was telling me how gross it was that she was having to smell it.

I woke-up from this dream while the woman was still pacing around talking on her phone, not knowing if I had tracked anything into the mansion or if I was in the clear.

I have some smaller friends who remind me of the Stranger Things company. Helene sends a message to me about aliens that have the ability to brainwash. Some of my smaller friends discuss whether we should try to build gear that can prevent mind control. They say that it is worth trying even if it does not work in the end. New fragment I copy paste the information Helene sent me and send it back to her because I want her to read the instructions. I talk with her over the phone too. She says that she has never seen that information earlier. We understand that Helene has been brainwashed and we prepare the gear. New fragment I sit on a rotatable circle platform with an iron helmet that is notably home made on my head with four other people. The one opposite to me also has a helmet but not the other two people. I start to spin the platform by using my feet against the ground. The smart one that is in charge of the operation says worried that the speed might be too high and that we might die. I keep on spinning and don't care about his statement. There are some of us guarding the door from the aliens. There is a platform from the ceiling were about five aliens stand on that is being lowered. I close my eyes because I think it is a movie and do not want to look on them because I don't like to see scary things on television. My closed eyes don't help me because I still see them. They are tall, green and slimy but has a normal face like humans. They reach the ground and start to walk against us. We spin faster and faster until the energy is full. There is a new platform that starts to rise and takes the aliens with it. The aliens are able to walk of the platform easily but they just stand there. The platform rises to the upper floor and an arm of one alien is trapped and cut of by the elevator. Nobody seems to care. The upper floor is very close to our floor and we decide to run away. I suddenly have very slippery heels and it is almost impossible to move in them. Stefan F is helping me to move. There is an alien that helps us and Stefan says that there is only one double agent. I tell him that we can't be sure and that there may be more. There is a staircase we come to and Stefan walks one way and I walk the other. I don't want to leave him but see that the two different paths we chose led to the same destination only that mine was shorter.

Notes: This was a nightmare and I was scared when I walked to the bathroom in the night. I saw a movie on netflix that Helene tipsed us to watch. We talk about brain control in the english lessons. That feeling when you can't run in a dream is so frustrating.

I wake up 03.20 and wrote down the alien dream. I try to WILD and have a very positive mind that I will succeed. I am able to keep my focus but the itches are bombarding me. It's impossible to relax and I decide to sleep. I had some confusing FA too.

It is some kind of Bolliad and I sit by a table with Diego. There are tables placed in the middle of the room and there are some youths dancing couple dance around us. I see some girls that look lonely that I want to cheer up by dancing with them but I decide not to. The youths that are dancing want to group dance instead but there is a young leader (about 20 years old) that encourages them to keep on dancing in pairs. I look for William and is sad when I remember that he is too old to be there. There are two old sister missionaries (about 70 years old) that talk about all the cakes on the table in front of me. There is a big cake that they want the recipe to.

Had a dream about dad and something too.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Semi-lucid jumps through different times and places. E.g. Watching some japanese kids graduation ceremony in a school.
Then staying a while at a really nice place where people from my sangha are settling. There are two locations with bungalows in green hills. I am staying in one, but taking a bus to the other, out of curiosity. In there people are gathering in the garden and enjoying a spontaneous party. It gets late for me to go back to my location, so I kinda stay there, but no place to sleep.

I reencounter Evangelion, he is married now, but we kiss and without much talking we plan to see each other secretly. To avoid text messages and phone calls, he subscribed to a local paper I just had with me and we post ads with appointments to meet that only we can understand. The location is a kind of a motel in a train station. We meet there. We don't talk much. We start getting comfortable, I prepare to take a shower, but he challenges me to talk for a bit. So we lay down in bed and talk. He asks me if I have any big regret. I think hard and first say no, but then start telling him the story about Wolfboy and how we were in love and he proposed to me. Someone knocks on the door. I go check and see a woman looking angry. It's not his wife, so I open, but in an angle she can't see Evangelion anyway. She asks if I am alone, I say yes, she calls me a liar, says she heard two voices talking and one was a man. I say go away and shut the door to her face. But there is another door on the back and someone knocks there too. I tell Evangelion to hide as I send her away but she just barges in with another woman, they see him crawling away but don't see who he is. Anyway they don't know any of us. They just start preaching that they are some kind of women's league for the protection of marriages and they disrupt lovers meeting.

I typed this up in great detail, and then the page reloaded and didn't save any of it. SO here's the much shorter run down.
MCT oil, raw honey, melotonin, and tincture blend (African dream root, bobinsana root, blue lotus, calea z, mugwort, lemon balm, damiana) around 10:45, asleep by 11. Multiple dreams and multiple Lucids, woke up several times but the dreams continued each time, so here's the important stuff I remember.

Theres a party in my apartment, lots of people are hanging out. Someone does a hit of coke in my kitchen, causing me to question the situation. I look at my hands. Tooooo many fingers. I tell someone else to look at her hands, she agrees with me, this is a dream.
I go to my room to go to bed, the apartment is empty now, my roommate says something to me. I look at my hands again, yes this is still a dream. I grab some pillows off my bed, sit on the floor to meditate. Several Om Mani Padme Hums later, I open my eyes. My room is no longer my bedroom, but a concrete industrial type room with floor to ceiling windows on the two outward facing walls. This is sharper, more in focus than any lucid dream I've had in a long time, the meditation was well worth it. I decide to seek the McDouble I've been after in several of my last lucids. I turn toward the windows, expecting to break one and jump out, but to my surprise theres a window that opens easily, and a staircase leading to the ground. I walk down, and think of the task of the month. A breeze starts up, cooler and fresher than it has any right to be.
As I walk through this city scape, I look at the DCs and am aware they are simply projections of my subconcious. I lock eyes with one, he knows what I am thinking.
Strawberries grow like weeds against a building. I pick some, a nearby tree whacks me with its branches, these are not my strawberries.
I see my families old tan van, I climb in, find Mcdonalds bags (clearly full of trash). I search one anyways, hoping to find a McDouble. My mother is in the drivers seat, says she'll take me to a McDonalds. She drives, and as she is on a collision course with a wall, I close my eyes. I open them, and now we're at McDonalds. We're so close, my McDouble dreams are coming true. I place my order, get my burger, take several bites so big I finish nearly half the sandwhich at once. No ketchup. I wander the store, find a ketchup bottle on a shelf, douse my burger, take some more bites. Perfect.
I sit at a long table, my mother to my right, the people from the party filling the other seats. Soon we are all eating chocolate covered strawberries, which are much tastier than the burger. My mother and I fight about my unhealthy eating habits, but I tell her this is a dream and I can eat whatever I like. She leaves.
I wake up for the final time.
During one of the times I woke up, I had my usual false awakening during which I thought I was writing in my DJ, only to wake up and find out that never happened. This occurs at least once every night.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm walking the street to my home. I see someone next to me and I have an idéa who it is but I don't want to look because I think that would be awkward. He then says hi and I se that it is Gabriel. My old school friend who I havn't seen in a long time. He is friendly with me but doesn't talk much. I said congratulations to his mom and elder sister because I thought it was their birthdays, he says thanks. I don't know if the next dream is the same as this one, but it's further ahead on the same street.

I see my old schoolmate Leoa from the same class as Gabriel. I greet her and find her very attractive. She isn't that attractive IRL, she got some dream modifications on her face. I follow her and we talk a lot. She opens an old tree gate and I stop by the gate but climb it in order to see her and talk a little bit more. I wish I remember the conversation, it was one of the really nice feeling moments.

I'm in a place where all my old schoolmates are, it's some kind of party. I remember Olof and some random dude making out. I go to the calmer side of the house and talk with Dina and Justine. Dina makes a joke about the table but I don't understand and think she talks about the chair. I sit on the chair trying to get what the joke is about, suddenly there are big paper towel papers that's coming from all the edges of the table and I laugh to Dinas joke because now I got it.

I walked to a house and I got into an empty room. I know that I'm chased but I don't hide, just sit. The door opens and out comes a gun. It shoots me but I'm not dead. The man with the gun walks in and I think we aren't enemies after a while. I think I did some parkour outside of the house.

Possible recurring elements: Being hunted, old schoolmates, walking the streets outside my house. Pretty calm parties.

Notes: I have been hunted three nights in a row now and it's a pretty scary theme. When I walked the streets this night it was like the street feeling in my last dream when I walked to my old friend. It's funny how in my last night's dream and in this one I have encountered three different old school friends on streets outside my house. Two of them were my best friends and the girl was pretty random.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some office or school building. It is quite empty. There is only a couple of persons with me and walking around. But we hear scary sounds and a couple zombies come through the door. We fight them with whatever we have. I pick a sturdy ceramic cup to smash their heads, but unlike movies, their skulls are thick. I hit them several times and they almost don't flinch. I am even feeling sorry for hurting them. But we escape to outside where we find hungry dogs also posing a threat, but we go up and down some stairs after throwing some food at them and we run to a residencial area. In the residences there are lots of people and life runs as normal. Someone is throwing a party with loud music as night approaches and neighbors are at the windows talking at each other about doing something to shut it down. I am staying at a house with my parents or at least they had some involvement in setting it up for me. My dad was just there to show some wall he built in the back of the house for extra protection, which comes in handy. But I still plan to look for some safer place. I grab as much food as I can and pack bags and go to a train station or airport. They don't want to allow me to take all my food with me and I complain, but as long as I can embark I am ok. I just want to leave.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

A Rinpoche I don't know is visiting Portugal. He says the Rinpoches house needs to be emptied fast and they are looking for some place where to store furniture and books. I offer to store the books but say I have no covered place to store the furniture. He argues it just needs to be a cemented floor, no need for cover cause they can use a tarp. But they also don't know how long it will be, so I keep saying no, afraid of the weather changes. Anyway, this Rinpoche hands me one book as an example and I treat it as a precious treasure.

Attending some VIP award ceremony for which I bought a ticket. I go to the main entrance of the venue, I look fabulous and confident, but the door keepers tell me the entrance is for guests only or nominees. The bought tickets have to enter through a lateral door. There is a mother and daughter who also get denied entrance and I join them in looking for the secondary door. I try to cheer them up by showing enthusiasm and not upset with the setback. I have some big props/ jewels I have to carry in my hands and I am sick of it and considering leaving them behind. They tell me not to do it.

At an underground bunker in the USSR. An accident with grenades exploding at the entrance reveals our location to some team outside looking for us. They enter through an opening on the back. I resist but all others surrender, so I also give up. They subject us to indoctrination treatment, make us watch videos about the great motherland. I laugh and do not allow the brainwashing. The others decided to play along, figure they will suffer less. I also consider they might put me in sleep deprivation and so on, so I also consider playing along, as it is naive of them to think we can actually believe their bullshit after watching some videos.

Crossing some station and I become lucid. Drop my backpack, take my shoes and socks, open a door to another dream. There is a garden and a nice party with beautiful dancers like nymphs. There are a lot of white lotuses with purple orbs glowing in the center. Up close the orbs look like a white bubble of a thin membrane with the purple one inside. I put my hand through the external one and pick the purple one, which actually looks like a molecule with several atoms and bridges, also made from the thin membrane. They start to deflate but I make them turn into a sort of purple lotus flower and then I eat it. Tastes like raw cabbage. That was sort of pointless. Look around and think of lying a bit and decide what to do next. Think about my guru but get distracted by Henri, which I haven't seen in years but is now here in a suit and tie. I call him, he doesn't even notice I am there. I wake up cause I am snoring loud.

With my mom, I think in my home because there is a fireplace burning. I leave her for a moment in the living room and when I come back she threw a lot of absurd things in the fire, like a can where I keep coffee capsules, a wooden box and a bunch of unopened yogurts. I can't save the yogurts because they melted away, but manage to recover the rest before it burns. She has no recollection of having done that. I surely didn't, so then we get really concerned about her mental health.

I am a boy playing piano on stage at a public recital. Some colleagues trolled me and put something inside the piano so when I reach some notes it sounds really bad. I have to stop and open the piano and find a saxofone inside. I show it to the audience, they show sympathy for me, but my teacher who also despises me, doesn't allow me to sit back and play again and announces the next kid to perform. I am revolted. I try to cope but can't sit in the audience. I sneak out and head for some beautiful deserted place. Seems like we are in an island. I see ocean, a bay, but also a mountain and chose to go there. Just go first to my room pick my bag so I can go there, but I can't find the bag. Outside sitting in a car is Tatiana but she pretends not to see me.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

With a group of friends heading to the door of some mafia dude to ask something. We get there and he is throwing a family party for his daughter who is having a birthday or going to marry. Hard to say. They have a skating ring in the house, invite us to skate and I feel like it, but the others point out that we are there for serious business. I thought they were Russian or Armenian, but then they all start dancing merengue and salsa and I think again that they must be South American. We leave empty handed.

I am walking with a group of people. Feels like the kids from my extra curricular activities when I was also a kid, but I am an adult. Then I leave them and go alone across VFX. Come across a guy who recognizes me. His face isn't strange to me either, I think he went to primary school with me. I ask hiss name and it is something like Leonildo.

A company of stone pavement is going bankrupt. I have worked there and go there just to get something back. Cross path with the manager saying it is our fault? I make a scandal and question him "Us, who? I think you mean the admins in suit who run this shit, not the workers!" He admits it. He leaves frustrated.

Before I began dreaming, I was attempting the MILD after my second to last alarm went off, but so far, I had not yet fallen back asleep and was concerned my final alarm would be going off at any moment...

I'm arriving home at night to a house that I'm not familiar with. Walking up to the door, I notice a lot of bicycles in the front yard. As I walk over to some of them, Goose, my GF's dog, runs up to me all energetic and he starts poking his head through the spokes trying to bite at them. I continue to walk up to the door. Once I enter, I see everyone sitting around nursing drinks I assume to be alcoholic. More than my roommates are there, though, and it feels like the end of a big party. Before walking farther in, we get on the subject of dreaming, and I break into a lesson for everyone. I tell them exactly what I was trying to do this morning, "Set your usual alarm clock time in the morning, but also go back 90 to 100 minutes before that and set another alarm. Get out of bed with this alarm, go to the bathroom or something, then go back to sleep all while repeating the phrase in your head, 'the next scene will be a dream'." I say how it's a good way to induce lucid dreams called the MILD method after implementing the WBTB method. I walk all the way into the main room now and sit with a couple guys discussing what I had said. They talk about weird things that could pop up in dreams like a duck wearing a leather jacket. I agree with them and ask them if they would question whether they were dreaming or not after they saw that. I also make a joke by saying "Duck Gun" trying to relate the ducks and leather jackets to Top Gun. It feels stupid but both of the other guys laugh. Suddenly, I get the feeling to do a reality check since I realize I've just been talking about them before. I push my fingers through my other hand successfully and realize I'm dreaming. I look around the room for a second trying to stay calm. There's a lot more people now, all of them talking. I want to go back outside so I get up to leave when one of the guys I was talking to also gets up and shakes my hand. It takes me a couple attempts to get his name right, but apparently it was "Lemon". I walk outside to find it's a brilliant sunny day. Summer comes to mind as spots of vibrant colors, I assume to be from flowers, cover my peripheral vision with large trees over the road in front of the house. It appears I'm in a neighborhood. There's a small picnic table with a pull out bench in the front yard and I go over and sit down. I try grounding myself in the dream more by looking over my hands and touching the wooden bench, feeling the grains and knots in the wood. A friend comes out of the house talking in a very sad voice, but I'm pre-occupied with maintaining my awareness. I suddenly decide to toss the bench I've been sitting on far away just to see what it would do. My roommate comes outside too, and I tell him I just threw the bench to infinity. As I watch it, I see it catch the wind, though, and it falls back in to the neighborhood some distance away. The idea of flying comes to me so I prepare to do this. Instead of my normal routine of jumping into the air to begin, however, I decide to be more controlled with it. I hold out my arms and imagine myself floating off the ground. Before I leave the ground, everyone leaves in a car and the wind becomes a bit gusty. Suddenly, I find myself starting to float. It's working! I continue to focus, also taking note of the surroundings. The wind starts to carry my off, much like a hot air balloon. As I'm drifting with the wind, I try to ground myself more and think of the next thing I want to do, but I wake up

2019, 05-14

Regular Dream - Semi-lucid Dream - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am at a party of some kind. Everyone is dressed up fancy, though very old fashioned. I look around to see what is going on. There is an old man sitting near me and he's getting a bit grabby with his hands. He reaches over and puts a hand on my thigh and starts sliding it upward. I push his hand away, giving him a dirty look. This guy is old enough to be my grandpa! What a pervert! He looks at me strangely, as if he'd expected me to not only allow his touch but to like it. He tries it again, but I just find it too creepy. I push his hand away again and excuse myself. I look across the room and I see a man enter, he is also dressed up but seems to stand out from the others. There are two others with him who look so young they might still be counted boys. For some reason my eyes are held on that man. And it seems he is having the same situation with me, he is staring straight back at me.

I am distracted from the man by the woman who had been sitting beside me before. She looks pissed. She asks what I mean by rejecting poor Mayor Thorin like that. My first thought of who Thorin is brings to mind a dwarf with a long white beard from The Hobbit. That makes no sense, I don't see any dwarves anywhere in the area. But the woman is angry. She asks what I mean by staring at that affiliation boy so openly. I figure she means the young man my eyes had been drawn to, but since I don't know why I was staring at him I don't answer. This makes her more angry. She calls me "Miss-oh-so-young-and-pretty" which really annoys me. I interrupt her and ask her please not to call me that. She says she will call me whatever she wants. I say that's fine, I tried asking nicely, so now I will call her "Miss-oh-so-loud-and-rude" whenever she does. She turns beet red and for a bit I think she might strike me. I say noting, but the primary thought in my mind is, "Bring it, bitch!"

I think there is going to be more to the party, people are bringing food out now. I don't feel like staying. I head for the door. The woman calls after me, calling me "Miss-oh-so-young-and-pretty" again and telling me not to dare walk out that door. I call back to her, calling her "Miss-oh-so-loud-and-rude" and I tell her I'm really not feeling well, I'll be in bed. I think the fact I actually called her "Miss-oh-so-loud-and-rude" left her speechless. I get out the door without another word from her, then I wake up.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Going through a beautiful old city. I find it similar to some place I've been before (not actually, but that was the feeling in the dream). I find a little shrine on the wall of an ancient building, I notice it is damaged compared to when I last saw it. Seems to have had some water infiltration and erosion. Then I notice some strange objects semi-buried in the wall. I check and find a kind of stone with different semi-precious gemstones in it. Old ladies pass by and look at me with disapproval, but I don't feel that I am doing anything wrong.
Then I go down a street where these old ladies live in and one of their neighbors is throwing away a few decorative items from her house, that are actually antiques with some value and I ask if I can keep them. She's ok with that. I wonder if I can fit all that in my luggage when I travel back home, but I take a chance.
On my way to the place I am staying, I come across a big parade party of young people, some of which I know, all heading towards same place I am going. I join the party, I drink a bit, but draw the line when they start dancing a silly choreography from some current hit song I never heard of and hope never to.
We pass by a truck where a dude is sleeping on top of the truck, sunbathing practically naked. It is Avelar. I pretend I don't see him, although I am happy to see him. I have the strange feeling he is there because of me. When the party is coming to an end, at early dawn, I pretend to be falling asleep sitting against a wall, where others are also taking a rest. Then some friends come pick me up to take me to wherever we are staying. Avelar has surely seen me by now but neither him nor I acknowledge each others presence.
On our way, we stop by a grocery store, but it is in such a bad neighborhood that they have the most unwelcoming entrance. We have to crawl under a slight opening of a sliding door, then climb a balcony and land in the middle of the workstation of 3 ladies that work there. Then they open a door with a grid, that allows us in to buy groceries. I comment how old people from the neighborhood can't possibly buy food there.

Some walks up and down the city, semi-lucid, enjoying the architectural details and enjoying a slide down a hill to a coastal area, while listening and singing a Portishead music. Then arrive home, which has some similarities to my childhood's house but totally different place and disposition. My dad is there. He is being unpleasant about something, trying to control my life as usual. So I go to my room. I can still hear him and know that he is coming in, so I decide to go out the window. But we are on a precipice kilometers high above the ocean. I recall that I am dreaming and I can just jump and fly, so I do that, but all my father sees is me jumping and he runs to the window in distress thinking I killed myself. I feel compassion for my dream dad and I go back to tell him "look, I know you think very little of me, but I am fine. You see, we're dreaming and I have all sorts of powers that I use at will. I am fine, I don't need your help." He has no reply and slowly fades away.
I fly away, enjoy it for a while, then land back home, but now alone and think what to do next. I sink my hands on a wall to reinforce lucidity and decide for the first time to also eat the wall and taste it. Zero taste.
Then decide to try something I have been wanting to try for some time. Oral sex on myself. I contort myself in impossible ways and yes I do it. It is very weird because I am still watching from my head in its normal position as another head with my face comes up from between my legs and does it. I feel simultaneously the me doing the oral sex and the me receiving the oral sex. More than the physical sensation, it's the feeling of being two and being one at the same time that I feel more interesting in this experiment. Not something I can explain, you really need to experience yourself.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I am at home and I see people outside. I take a peek and see a group with backpacks sitting outside. I talk to them through the window, they are Brazilian and are a bit lost. They want to stay the night at my house, don't mind sleeping on the floor. But I say absolutely no, they insist, don't understand my attitude. I am freaking out and tell them to please get out of my land and I close the gate. There is one among them who is quite a hunk and I feel kind of sorry to let him go, but I think of my safety and the safety of my furry babies and I insist they can't stay, because I really don't know their intentions.

In London, close to my old friend Stephen. I decide to pass by his door, and it is open. I go upsairs and I hear lots of voices. I turn around, changing my mind, but he appears on top of the stairs and recognizes me. Actually now he is not Stephen anymore but my old friend Joan from Catalunia. I go inside and they are having a slumber party, and my friend Tania is there! When we are ready to sleep, I ask to stay because I don't want to go take a bus, but there is no room and also all my stuff is at the hotel I am staying.

Arriving to NY by boat, with Riverstone and Nighthwak. I don't know where Riverstone is, he is going around meeting other people. I took a shower and I am on the sofa wrapped in a towel watching some romantic live action Disney fairytale. Nighthawk turns it off at the very end when the plot unravels and the prince declares his love to the princess. Or at least I expected so. I complain he turned it off, ahead of the ending. He replies that he thought the movie was over already. I say no, it is obvious that they are in love with each other and he was going to say something. Then I feel like maybe he knew it and that was why he turned it off. There is an awkward silence between us and I realize the hidden meaning of what happened. Then he says ok, but doesn't mean they should be together, she should be with the other guy who says things down to earth, not the enchanted prince because he says poetic stuff or whatever. I disagree. We then sit for lunch at the cafeteria. Love is in the air, despite the BS he just said. The boat reaches the shore and my mom, who was there waiting for us, comes rushing that she has bought tickets for a ferry around Manhattan, but it leaves in a few minutes. She grabs my purse and I run after her, forgetting all my luggage behind. At the dock I tell her I need to get my luggage first, she is upset that the other boat is in 5 mins or so, bit I also get angry that she took my purse with my documents and cell phone and I had to follow her but and leave everything behind. Then she denies having done it and says she doesn't have my purse. I cant believe it. I am going back to the boat to get my luggage and I say we can take some other ferry later and she needs to look for my purse meanwhile. But the boat is gone and I run around looking for it or someone from it. I do meet a girl who was also a passenger and she has the key to a van where all the bags left behind are stored to be taken elsewhere. She allows me to look for mine and there it is. But now I must find my mom again or I am alone, stuck with no documents.

I am about to go to a party with Amy, Blake, Salina, etc. Melissa is with me right now, and I think we’re at Dad’s. We go into the garage to pick a few beers from a case (*they look like the Lost Coast ones). While we’re getting ready/are ready, a dark SUV pulls into the driveway. The people about our age in it are dressed up like it’s Halloween and are coming back from this party like it’s already over. One of the guys seems a little too intoxicated. We stop and talk with them for a little. Now I’m thinking about the possibility of them offering weed at the party. I consider if I’d accept or not and how much, if any, I’d mix with drinking.




I’m in a bedroom, writing down either the notes for a dream I’ve remembered or the dream itself. Dad and Scottie are in here too. Scottie is awkwardly watching me, seemingly amazed. It’s kind of annoying, and I think about going to a different room.

Optimized 2 minute read.
Friday night, 11 January 2019.
Death of a Starfish (hand mobility)
Dream # 19,016-02.



I am attending an evening dinner party in a dimly lit room, sitting at a large rectangular table with unfamiliar people in an unknown location. To my right, there is a glass of cola on the table.

My right hand transforms into a starfish. It wiggles and detaches from my arm, spurting cola from several pores. It tips the glass over and dies.

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I experienced this dream with my usual post-hypnagogic lucidness without attempting to influence the narrative. Lucidness delivers the awareness of what is creating my dreaming experience.

Dreams in this part of my sleep cycle (secondary post-hypnagogic) present the theme of loss of hand or arm mobility (whereas the first correlates with loss of leg mobility) because of REM atonia (the natural paralysis while sleeping that occurs throughout all dreams in healthy people). The pre-hypnopompic inversion (in the second half of my sleep cycle) presents the theme of gaining hand or arm mobility in preparation for wakefulness.

Hand metamorphosis presents far less often than the event of someone else dropping something in this sleep cycle time slot and mode of dreaming.

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