side notes

Bizarre but nice adventure-like dream
It starts out on the view of a sort of maze-like structure. It appears to be floating in a pitch-black, destructive void, and only anything within the maze is safe. The colors within are weird, it's like everything you can see is just something like digital edge detection, where only some edges are white or dimly colored, and everything else is just pitch black. The geometry is also unstable, and it appears that sometimes, if you walk into a wall, you just go through it and disappear into the void, so you have to try to just stay on the paths. At some point, I appear to be on a wall, and it's paper-thin, yet unbreakably hard.

Then I am at a door within the maze, and it's the only part where there is any normal color and geometry. It's blue and decorated with what appears to be runes or some sort of other symbols. It's like the door in Snowdin from Undertale, where one can fight Glyde.

Then I am there with a friend, and it appears we can find treastures behind it, but there is some danger associated with it. We have a sort of key and as we approach it, a sort of cutscene plays where it just swings open, with only blackness shown behind it. Then we're behind it, and it looks like Waterfall from Undertale, but the layout is totally unrelated. We're walking through lots of water in a narrow and rather linear tunnel, with the colors being the usual from Waterfall: blue-purplish walls, blue water. I'm in a sort of 2D view, and I see that, behind the walls bounding the tunnel, there is only that same void that was outside of the maze. We walk along it, my friend being quite a bit faster than me, and at some point, we find a wooden chest with gold lining and open it.

Out of it seems to jump some type of items, only one of which I really saw, which was a sort of long, white and modern looking gun. I imagine using it, and it appears that this is now related to Terraria, as I think about fighting a Terraria boss with it. I try to pick it up by walking against it, but it only responds by sliding away, so I try to "press a button" (not sure how or what actually happened when I tried it).

I don't know if I managed to pick it up in the end, but my friend alarms me of the fact that we might be chased by something. I get really anxious, and my friend responds the same, so we run away towards the maze as fast as possible, now in a 3D view, with things being sort of translated to a Minecraft-like look, along with how I and my friend look. I find that double-pressing "W" makes me run (and gives me an effect sort of like the Hermes boots from Terraria) and I manage to run faster than my friend.

---

Wow. That was some great recall. The dream also had a strange feeling associated with it, especially in the dim, empty tunnel. It's like it was too silent, and there was just something wrong or missing, which evoked this scared but interesting feeling.

15th May 2021

Fragment:

Whistling but wearing my work mask? Comes out as normal in waking life, kind of weak, since I don't really know how to whistle.

(recalled this after trying to whistle while making food)

16th May 2021

Fragment:

Part of a long dream. I'm entering a flat and need to get something I or someone else left there? There's plenty of furniture and stuff, it feels complete, if a bit dark or dingy; a cool ambient light? I enter a room and there's a bed, not realising that there's someone laying in it.

I reach for whatever I'm here for. An old woman sits up quickly on the right side of the bed, which is for a couple. She starts sort of shouting with some kind of desperation and sadness in her voice, shouting at me things like how she wants to be left alone and how she wants me to leave. I hesitate, not saying anything back, and eventually do leave.

I return at some point later in the dream and essentially the same thing happens, only with slight differences, such as things said.

Vaguely recall being in an outdoor area, I talk to someone who's close to me. We talk about the old woman. There's a full car park? I remember taller than average vehicles, maybe like caravans more than lorries.

At another point I am in the stairwell of my old home. Something feels distorted but it seems about right otherwise. It's bright, but from the lights, not sunlight. There's something about a neighbour, something about food? Indirect interaction.

Fragment:

I'm messaging MoonageDaydream here on the DV forums, telling her something from when I was about 15 or so?

---

Notes:

- At a first guess, the old woman is a direct representation of a certain aspect of myself that feels exactly as she did. Her emotions felt clear in the dream, though my dreaming self as a character did not react so much that I can recall.
-- The old woman's hairstyle was somewhat like my paternal grandmother, but I do not recall who her face might have resembled.

- Whistling is something I've tried to do for many years, everyone in my family can whistle and has done so since I was a kid but I only learned to do it a little bit very recently, the last three or four years.
-- Incidentally, when is it not very recently? Five years, six, seven?

- I had no recall at all of my surroundings in the whistling fragment, as if my visual focus did not go past my own face, in some way.

- Messaging Moonage probably came from recent interactions, but I don't know what could be particularly relevant to discuss from when I was 15.

Seeing as I cannot maintain a self-imposed schedule for more than a couple days at a time, I have decided to move onto a new format. Because adding the number of days I missed to the day counter takes too long and actually requires me to use my brain (Or a calculator). I will post a new 'log' whenever I feel like, just to make things easier on myself. The dream counter will stay the same however.


Fell asleep at: 2:00 PM

Woke up at: 3:15 PM


Dream 121: Magical Mutant Madhouse

I'm in a place resembling the interior of the Spencer Mansion from RE1 mixed with a cheap Rio Grande Valley home. The lighting is both yellow and white, presumably coming from different sources. The dream is in the first person, and I believe that I'm actually playing Resident Evil 8, and that I can pause the game, save, and load a previous save whenever I can.

I "spawn" in what I believe is the entrance of the house. An L-shaped counter towers over me as I crouch down behind it. A dog is prowling around behind me, and a whole bunch of crazy mutated residents (A la RE7) are wandering around in front of me. I believe that this spawn point is needlessly unfair and try to reload the save numerous times. On one of these attempts I try to sneak around the evil residents when one of them, the mother (Resembling Lady Dimitrescu AKA 'tall vampire lady') spots me. I manage to reload the save before I die.

On my final attempt, I decide to just bum rush my way towards a steel door to the rightmost corner of the room. I accidentally tumble into one of the Lady's daughters (None of the family members resemble the characters from the game, by the way), a college age girl with a black t-shirt and long black hair. As she falls forward, I see that she "melts" into a puddle of gray goo as she hits the ground, and I nearly fall face-first into the puddle. I assume that this is her "power." Behind me, another one of the Lady's daughters uses what I assume to be magic to 'hulk up' as she notices my presence. I pick myself up and keep running whilst crouched as she barrels towards me. I manage to open the steel door and shut it behind me, locking it from my side.

Before I say anything, I spot three more young women behind me, huddled around a steel desk (In fact, everything in these corridors seems to be made of steel). They seem to be talking amongst each other about the other members of their family. I hurriedly sneak past them, further heading into the unlit steel hallways.

I take a left, and as I reach the end of this hallway, a mysterious person grabs and restrains me from behind. They claim that they're going to set the both of us on fire using the two exposed wires in their hand. I struggle and try to turn the sparking wires back on my assailant, while also trying to reload my save (Apparently, in the dream, reloading saves is a manual process, and having both my arms restrained was interfering with the process).

My attacker manages to set my jacket sleeve on fire, which I shove into their face, managing to break free of the grab. I turn the wires back on them, and they are now completely wreathed in flame. I barrel through the door leading outside. I immediately throw my jacket off and lock the door behind me, and only then do I notice I'm on the roof of the building.

It looks like the roof of a school or office, not a house or a castle. The sky is cloudy and pouring rain. I find myself walking up a spiral staircase leading to another roof while being accompanied by two police officers. I explain to them what happened in the house. I get an overpowering sense of dread, as I'm being reminded of Ethan Winters' interactions with the police during RE7.

A while after getting to the roof of yet another building, open another door, and we see that we are inside of a schoolyard. It is here where I see a kid expend purple energy whilst throwing a baseball to another kid. I panic as I think the kid is another one of those psychotic magical mutants, and that he was going to murder the other kid. The other kid catches the ball, though, and continues playing. I ponder this, "Why is this kid not a raging psychopath like the other 'Magic Mutants?' Maybe not ALL of them are evil after all."

I then turn to my right and see an already bulky guy in a tight red shirt and white shorts 'hulk up', and charge towards me. Just great.

I nonchalantly walk into the gym (using the same door we used to get in the schoolyard, for the record) and see another kid use purple energy to throw baseballs.

Then the dream ends.



Spencer Mansion Interior: From the PS1 version because, as I said, the mansion in my dream looked incredibly cheap.


Schoolyard: I swear the courtyard from my dream looked almost exactly like this, although not quite as JPEG-y.

10th May 2021

Dream:

I'm on some cliff-top in a surrealist environment. There are many cliffs which are mostly straight up vertical and the height of mountains and the cliff I'm on is the same. There's a blue (cyan tinge?) but desaturated sky. I fall down to a lower rock platform on the side of the cliff but then I use drilling tools like the ones from DRG, quickly making my way back up through the rock. I make a guess as to where I'm going (based on some environmental factor?) and there are some parts where there are large swiss-cheese-like holes and openings in the cliff that I avoid.

I then find and head inside some structure which has some hallways within. There's a clay-like tone to this structure? There are also some window openings in the walls but they are sort of perfectly squared off and have no glass or frame, but I don't recall wind or anything of the sort. There may be some lights inside the structure but I'm not sure. Then, there's a counter just by a hallway corner.

On this counter-top, I place two kitchen knives. One is like our metal bread knife and the other is like one of the coloured knives, about the same depth, so probably the magenta one? Some dream characters appear behind me and they seem to be passing by, but other characters are just idling around. I interact with the passer-bys and they ask me casual questions, which I answer. They fit into the archetype of some of my black friends from school, but they are not these friends specifically. We just know each other in the same way.

Then I move away from the counter. Someone shows up, I think AM (mom's friend L's daughter) But her skin is not as pale white as I recall it (don't notice this specifically in the dream?), her hair is darker and more like mine and she's a bit chubby. I say something about waiting "fourty years for my wife" and think about how different she looks. She sits and reclines on top of the same counter from before, her feet are bare.

11th May 2021

Fragment:

Something about being with a big group, in a subway. Queen Elizabeth II is with us and is a part of our group. We board a train (looks like L subway) and the passengers who are already inside are staring and openly voice that they can't believe that it's actually the queen. She takes a seat and I sit beside her. I talk to her and tell her some story from my life, from years ago. She doesn't reply to anything I say and I interrupt myself remarking "you've probably heard it all before I suppose", realising that she is just that much older than me and must have heard and known the life stories of hundreds or thousands of people.

---

Notes:

- The night before the 10th, I was practising anatomy drawing and there was a woman in a reference image that fit the same typical appearance as what AM appeared like in the dream.

- In the fragment's dreaming context we were on some kind of tour and the subway was a connecting point to get to somewhere else.

- When I woke up, I think I had lingering feelings and found myself surprised at the dream passengers' shock for seeing the queen. In the dream the whole context felt absolutely normal and day-to-day.

- I don't think I've dreamt of Elizabeth II before. In the dream she was much like my paternal grandmother in some respects, possibly even physically, but as a character she seemed tired, worn out.
-- This probably comes partly as a result of having heard of the prince's passing but also a general curiosity about old age, partly mixed with my own feelings about how it must be very wearing to lead a life that is meant only for duty.

Harry Potter once again
I am on a broom with someone. We're flying around this rural and foggy area, and it appears lord Voldemort is chasing us. I act as a guide, and it appears this is a video-game-but-not again, and I tell the other guy on the broom that he should use the neon rocket ability thing from inFamous: Second Son (the R1 button thing for neon) and aim at Voldemort's head. He seems to be pretty bad at aiming and I get annoyed by him not just firing at certain points at which he could've hit. The environment seems to be like the area where a tunnel in Just Cause 3 is, where you fly your first wingsuit course, but, instead of the tunnel, it's just a road on a cliffside, on which there is nothing to tunnel through. There's also a bridge above some sort of foggy mudflat, being devoured by the tide. It looks like the golden gate bridge, just way smaller and the colors quite desaturated. Around the bridge, I told the guy with me to fire the rockets. I also had the Second Son UI pop up as he tried to do that.

---

This game includes so many different things from media that I probably have to hope it doesn't get copyrighted. And why Harry Potter again? This is also a rare occurrence of dream characters actually existing, and even behaving like they're human. But good that I've managed to recall this that much.

Freaky subway nightmare
I remember that the situation is like playing a video game again, although this time I feel like I am forced to play, despite my fear of seeing some gruesome image within it. Then I am in the game, physically, and it's regarded as real. There's something about being underground. There's something I don't remember, then I am in a sort of train with people, and I sort of have to save us by getting weird rubbery things on circular parts on a metal box that seems to be central to the function of the train. I notice nobody else is doing anything and that if we don't manage to do this, we will crash with full force into a sort of other chambers, which we are sort of falling into from the top, and to brake we have to get the rubber things on there. I also appear to be some female character relevant to the story, and she might have a name starting with A. I see that nobody else is trying to save us, so I animate them to help. But then, I struggle to do it, so we soon crash. But then suddenly, there's like a second try, so this time, the same things happen, except that this time, I manage to get most of the rubber things on. I think we will die again, but this time, the train brakes and stops in the chamber with no one hurt.

---

This might not seem freaky, but there's some sort of deep fear associated with this gruesome image. There were some past dreams that were so horrible that I've supressed them, with a much stronger version of this fear associated with it that are still horrible to think about today. Not sure where this fear comes from, but I probably don't want to know, to be honest.

I only remember one dream. It was about Jamie. She was walking beside me but also at a distance. She seemed unhappy about something and had shorter than usual hair..

8th May 2021

Fragment:

Mom, new medications, a swap or trade for her? (not sure what I meant by this and recall is too gone)

Fragment:

Watching HW play an undead rogue wearing a T2 helm, he's sort of streaming PvP activity where he's killing other horde players but also alliance, not focusing on any particular group more than another. He is in a full party with some friends who are helping him with the PvP?

(gap)

HW is visiting me, at a mix of my current and old home. I'm with him in the kitchen, downstairs. There's a moment of intense laughter when I or he make a joke, sort of together, but I forget what it was about. We're about to head upstairs and I go into the pantry (what pantry, which home?) and grab the only two beers there, as well as an orange juice drink in a similar but clear glass bottle. I ask HW what he wants but he doesn't seem to hear me. I ask him again once we are upstairs, also asking H if he wants one of these things too. I have some feeling of concern about who will pick what?

9th May 2021

Fragment:

Planet-landing, some colony and I'm? using a tank to take over the colony. Something about it being a job in planning by others for three years. I prove them wrong by myself by assaulting a base and then I eventually get some reinforcements to assist me. Then in a cave, the dream changes and becomes about wrestling or some form of free fighting. I remember breaking things up, made of wood.

Dream:

I'm in a place like L with H, walking across a busy street. It's sunny and looks pretty much as I might expected, considerably busy too. I see MB walking ahead in front of us at one point as we walk to wherever we're going but H doesn't notice or care. I feel annoyed and think to myself "yeah, you walk away you bastard" as I watch him go up another street on an incline, beside some kind of train or transit station.

We eventually go up the same street too and H says he's going to call someone (one of our parents) but he notices the phone number is totally wrong for the contact, deciding to ring anyway and finding out who it might be. The other person answers and is equally curious and confused but they are nearby so we backtrack a little to a bit with a cafe. We approach and H talks to this person he had been on the phone with. I don't realise it in the dream but any awareness of them drops off as I focus on my aunt B who is sat at the next table over, facing an unknown dream character who is her friend.

For some reason, as we get talking, this unknown character is showing me the inside of her mouth, which impossibly looks bigger on the inside than on the outside. Under her tongue, there is a pepperoni pizza pattern thing going on, but it's some kind of fungal structure that is an uncontrolled infection. I remember being told about this but in no detail.

---

Notes:

- The last dream with MB was about four months ago.

- The dream recall for all of these is poor because while I did make initial notes, they were extremely brief and I had planned on getting around to typing them up sooner, whilst recall was still fresh, but the days didn't allow for it.

- For some time now I have been feeling like there's something wrong internally, on a physical level. I worry on some level that part of recent dream symbolisms are related to this but I have no real basis for this other than some recent aches that haven't subsided. Recently I have been getting random intrusive thoughts about cancer, possibly since that's essentially what AH passed away from.

- I had some more notes I wanted to put down but I'm currently distracted and have a headache, so I'm being unable to focus.

5th May 2021 ~9:20

Fragment:

A(D) messages me on Steam. Something about his birthday? Think he feels lonely but he doesn't mention it.

Dream:

Some dream where I'm walking with H along a pavement, along a road in a forested area with the occasional field. Reminds me of areas in my native country. It's daytime, afternoon?

At some point, we are at some escalators in an entrance for a massive building complex, maybe like a mall. H is no longer H. Instead, it's some unknown dream character following me for some reason; he wants to know where Da Vinci's lock box (safety deposit?) is kept, I think. I tell him "It's probably in one of the 800 ones".

I know where they are and lead him there. We go up a lot of escalators and a few wide stone staircases with shallow steps. Eventually we reach a more open (and outdoor hybrid) area where there are walls with rows and rows of locked panels, the locked boxes we are looking for. There are many people around. Da Vinci's box is one of these just around a corner. Then L arrives, he cautiously walks over to us over a gap or hole in the upper end of the main staircase leading up here.

In the dream, I know that L happens to be one of Da Vinci's direct descendants. Later in the dream I question myself about this logic, shouldn't I be too, if we are siblings?

Either way, he has a key for the locked panels and opens one, giving me something from inside. A crystal. It is elongated, about one foot long at a guess, it is a perfect rectangular cuboid with slightly worked edges/corners, it is a translucent purple at the "top" and a pure white translucent quartz at the other end.

It is a unique object that requires no power and allows one to simply look through it to see others and things through walls with a weak kind of x-ray vision. Later H, mom's sister appears, and she tries to steal the crystal which I had placed in an envelope. I confront her about it and she or both of us get defensive?

(there was more recall but I was too tired)

~11:55

Dream:

There were many other dream sequences but this dream was about helping mom. She was still a teacher in the dream and she was saying that her area was not doing as well as everywhere else in the country, in terms of grades and so on, and I try to reassure her by saying that "kids are and will be different" in different areas, so of course there would be a gap, I reason.

I help somehow, by cleaning up some dusty old church entrance arch area? It has faded greens and reds that brighten up a little once I clean the dust with a microfibre cloth I'm using. I believe the arch is all made of wood, which is painted these colours. I don't see a door to speak of, but the structure is ruined. Its pieces seem to have never been disturbed since it became ruined.

I ask mom about the church, she tells me that it's been this way since the last great earthquake. I think that it would have been undisturbed for a very long time, in that case? It's generally sunny in this area, some kind of square at high point of this old style settlement but I am under the shade of the ruins being under the arch.

Later, I'm not at that place anymore and am discussing something else on the phone with mom, but I cannot recall what anymore.

---

Notes:

- I'm quite tired today but still want to try making some observations for these dreams.

- Red and green are colours both with personal and non-personal meanings to me. On the personal side, they show the exclusion of blue, a colour that oddly enough has featured on its own in other dreams recently. But neither green nor blue are favourite colours of mine, although it depends on the specific tone too.
-- On the non-personal side, the colours tie in with the locality and ruins in terms of identity, especially because of the mention of the earthquake. Though perhaps an irrational fear, I have all my life been concerned that another event of that scale may occur some day during my lifetime, which would likely affect mom and dad.

- The thoughts that L would be Da Vinci's descendant really made no sense and the moment of questioning all of that was a kind of pre-lucid moment.

- The crystal was not supposed to be magical, but technological in nature. It was a very interesting thing to use although I think some part of me had unvoiced radiation concerns in the dream.

- On falling asleep again after the first set of dreams, I hoped I would return to something and tried setting an intention but I fell asleep faster than I could have realised and realised later I hadn't finished setting my intents and so on.

- Both of these dreams and other recent dreams have been especially reminiscent of my native country in their stylistic/aesthetic essence. I should try to make time to explore meanings in regards to this a bit, as I feel it could be helpful with how I've been feeling recently; I have felt particularly nostalgic lately but not of life there specifically, just in general of childhood and some other times.

- The fragment probably relates to the fact that a few people I know are having birthdays around this time of the year, but more specifically I used to know A's birthday date but it seems I don't anymore.

28th April 2021

Fragment:

Spoiler for short explicit fragment:

Something about my genitals? I try to clean up but fluids (semen, blood, urine) are leaking.

Fragment:

Repairing a circuit board but the solder is a vivid cobalt blue and the soldering iron is magnetic which annoys me because it frequently moves away against my will. I don't do too well anyway. I have to go across some traces but I'm not sure which ones and find myself wanting an original board for a side-by-side comparison so I can know what I'm doing.

Fragment:

AH is alive. We're in a library? It's dark and there are some computers too, I think. The shelves and furniture are all dark wood stain.

AH looks much younger, younger than me, even.

Fragment:

Blueberry tart thing which some guy makes over at a cafe in L. This guy is a young chef, pretty stereotypical look for a white male of his age of that area. H is with me at some point, I think I become excited about the food?

---

Notes:

- I have recently seen AH's profile be online, this has confused me and I haven't attempted to communicate with whoever is using it. I have some sort of apprehension about it because I'm afraid of it actually being AH, which I know would lead to me ultimately feeling betrayed and deceived, again.

- In the first fragment, my first thought after recalling was that the three fluids in question are inseparable parts of what it means to be a living being of our complexity.
-- The requirement of satisfying basic needs is something that has always both bothered me and intrigued me in some sense. I have often wished that these mortal aspects did not have to be a part of our existence as conscious beings, but part of me also knows that a lot of meaning is/can be derived from the needs of survival.

- Come to think of it, it's curious the blueberry tart involves blue and the solder was a essentially a vivid blue, too. I am not sure right now of what significance it has at the moment.

27th April 2021

Fragment:

Something about flying through space. There's something like DSP to this dream. I am checking out a planet, but as I approach it, I realise with some surprise that it's one of the Deuteria systems I'd already built on (in the dream). I then set course for a greatly distant star system? In the galaxy map, I can see this system has three stars.

I arrive there pretty quickly despite the distance. The dream is not fully like DSP and the three stars are in odd placements around the system, sort of hiding within tight clusters of planets. There's an interesting play of light and ambience as a result.

Fragment:

I'm in the context of old home but the dream location details are vague now. I remember being in something like my room(?) but the house layout feels different and on a bed or a table there's a number of my drawings. Some are explicit but I don't try to tidy it up. Something about being called through to another room, by dad?

In the dream, there's an implied sense that my parents know about the type of things I draw sometimes. I feel some discomfort about it but in the dream it's more like the general discomfort or embarrassment from parents trying to be a part of things you don't necessarily want them to be a part of.

Something about going to meet up with L?

(I left recall too long and allowed myself to be distracted)

Fragment:

In the van/car and it's overcast; hail is falling.

---

Notes:

- Some days later, there was hail, but I don't remember looking at the forecasts.

- L is the only person in the family who knows that I draw explicit artwork now and then.
-- Part of that dream certainly relates to my feeling of isolation from being unable to discuss the subject very openly with most people.

Another Harry Potter-related dream
There's something related to dumbledore. He might have warned me of something. The dream is set in a sort of town-ish location. It's rather rural, with only a few small densely populated areas and lots of hills so big that they're borderline mountains. I recall this having been the location from another dream from a long time ago. I seem to go from hill to hill for no particular reason. There is something rather concerning and sinister going on in the background, and it invokes a feeling of dread within me. Somebody else warns me again, and I think it has to do with the fact that I am quite visible on top of those hills. At some point, there might be something that really does suggest I should have heeded that warning, but I don't remember. Sometimes the dream also seemed to be a video game, but that wasn't consistent.

---

I guess constantly watching Harry Potter nearly every day has infested my dreams. But I guess I should try to use that as a dream sign, since it's been in nearly every dream for the whole week now.

Unclear fragment
There is something about a certain everyday object.

---

Notes:

Started with a semi-ADA technique again that got me all except two of my lucids in the past, along with the nose plug RC. I should probably also use a mantra. I guess getting lucid isn't really a problem, but I've never managed to get myself lucid enough and the dream stable enough, so I guess I have to improve that. Recall is also being a problem.

24th April 2021

Fragment:

In a train station hub or maybe it's a subway. It's a vast place, made mostly out of concrete as far as I can remember. Either way, it's busy. I remember daylight shining through in places and I am walking in a tunnel of sorts with someone, maybe JoCo.

Fragment:

I'm in the kitchen, looking in the cupboard with the tinned and packaged food, I think? I notice some tortellini packs are missing most of the tortellini and they look vacuum packed. Some have like three or four bits of pasta at most and that's it. I feel annoyed that I somehow missed this detail at the shop and feel it'll be annoying to have to return these. I think to myself something like "they clearly aren't fit for having a full meal like this".

Note:

- Later the same day I think, I was talking to H about the second fragment and it was pointed out to me that the tortellini is always vacuum packed. I had not consciously realised this until that point.

Strange star
I am viewing stars in a sort of program, but it's somehow also real, as if I am flying through space myself. There is a sort of feeling that is somewhat scary, and also a bit exciting. I come past stars that look like normal stars, glowing in their usual red, blue and yellow. But then I come across a massive structure. It reminds me of the death star, but as I look closely, the structure is much different. It seems artistic, with abstract geometry.

---

There was something that happened before that, but I don't quite remember.