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I'm not sure if this was one dream or two. I recalled them together and they had a connected plot. I was really mad at the end. Like really, really mad! The emotion lingered for a while after waking up. I rarely feel anger, so on the occasion that I do, it's almost a welcome experience.

Mall Shops, Cheats
I'm in a competition with Lance. We are owners of small shops in a shopping mall. The competition is to own more shops than the other. Apparently, it's just a computer program because I easily find how to cheat by editing my character data. I give myself all the max stats and money. Lance and I both use this cheat. We quickly realize that this ruins the fun of it. So agree to not cheat. Lance buys a bar that sits in the middle of the mall and gets a lot of foot traffic.

I write a program to make money off the bar for Lance. I am reluctant because I know the game is so easy to cheat that someone will use my program to steal money. But I do it anyway. I finish and decide to have a few drinks.

Work From Home, Fire
I have a false awakening. I still feel tipsy from the drinks of the previous dream. I must not have slept very long. I am in an apartment but it's nothing like my waking life. I look at a clock: 12:56 in the afternoon. I check my laptop. There's an urgent IM from work from just a few minutes ago. The producer wants me to shut down the bar program that I wrote in the previous dream. As I expected, someone is exploiting it to steal money.

I'm glad I woke up just in time. I know what to do, I just need to change a few lines of code and upload it to the server. But now I become aware of two other people in my apartment. One is Garrett (an ex-coworker that I didn't like). The other is a young woman who I don't recognize but seems familiar. I intuit that she is my roommate so she has a right to be here and Garrett is her guest. It occurred to me that maybe it was my sister, but the girl was definitely blonde. Anyway, they are chit chatting about nothing in particular in the kitchen. I need to work so I'm annoyed that they are disturbing me.

I carry my laptop to the kitchen and place it on the stove top. I forgot the power cable. I fetch the power cable from and plug the laptop into a power socket that is oddly on the edge of the counter near the stove. I forgot the network cable. I search the apartment for it. As I search, Garrett and the girl and collecting their coats to leave. I am silently relieved that I will have some peace to work.

Still searching in another room, I overhear them conversing. It turns out they decided not to leave. Instead they have the sudden urge to have sex. My reaction is "ugh, great...." It is a surprise because I intuited that the girl wasn't attracted to Garrett. Still, my reaction is mostly one of indifference and mild annoyance.

They are having sex on the floor next to a closet with sliding doors. I see the network cable on the floor in the closet. I careful step around them, trying not to touch them. I say something sarcastic like "don't mind me and don't let me interrupt your garden-variety sex while I get this wire." Garrett becomes enraged by what I said, especially the words "garden-variety." He gives the girl a few final thrusts and finishes. Then he stands up and confronts me. I ignore him and take the cable to the kitchen.

Garrett follows me and continues to yell and spew. I plug the cable into the laptop on one end and into the freezer on the other. I realize in the moment that this is strange but not enough to become lucid. Garrett throws something heavy at me. I dodge the projectile and it hits the stove top. Garrett storms off and out the door. Good riddance.

I turn to look at the stove and see that the gas knobs are damaged. A small flame is lit from each of them. I think if I can just turn them off then I can safely shut of the gas and get it repaired. I reach with my hand but quickly pull it back; too hot. I find a broom handle and reach with it to tap the knobs. The flame only grows. It's clear to me that the damage is increasing and will soon become disaster. I see on the wall above the stove the two master gas line valves. They aren't on fire yet. I try to reach them with the broom stick but I can get the leverage to rotate the valve with just a stick.

I start to panic. I can't stop this. The whole apartment is going to catch fire. I think of my roommate and worry for her safety. I intuit that her name is Laura or Lauren. I call for her to see if she is still in the apartment. I need to get everyone out before the fire gets worse. The glow from the gas flames gets brighter and brighter. I need to call the fire department. Wait, I think, I might have a fire extinguisher. Let me try that as one last chance to avert disaster. I scramble around the kitchen, searching the cabinets for the fire extinguisher. The metal of the stove now is glowing red hot. It looks ready to explode. By now, I feel more anger than panic. This is all Garrett's fault! I decide I should just run to get the heck out of there. Wake

The first dream I remember having involved me driving down the road on a single-track road. I looked to my left and saw 2 cats, one on either side of a gateway, perched on columns, both staring at me oddly. I looked back to the road and saw a cat about 10 ft in front of my left tire. No time to steer avoid it, I just hoped that I wouldn't hit it. As it came closer, I clenched up as I felt a thud... I heard the cats on the columns (and others, I assume) meowing loudly, almost angrily, when I saw fourth cat about 300 ft ahead jump into the air and sort of divebomb toward my windshield. I was scared for what was about to happen and as the cat came closer, I realized: "Holy shit, cats don't fly.." I went lucid. Unfortunately I don't remember much of the dream from the time I went lucid. I just remember the cat disappearing out of the sky, and that really familiar feeling that comes with lucidity in a dream. Shortly after, I was no longer in my car, and I remember jumping over a building (I usually attempt to fly in my few lucid dreams, but usually end up jumping really high and landing). At some point I believe I lost lucidity, because I don't really remember much else.

In my next dream, I was meeting my father at one of his friend's houses, I believe. I don't remember why he came up (He lives about 3 and a half hours away from where I'm staying now), but he had in his possession a bag of cocaine, which he was debating on letting me have for the longest time. This is completely out of character for him, as it's an old habit that he has long since kicked, and something he doesn't want to happen to me. He ended up giving me the bag, which I figured was a little more than a quarter-ounce of coke (about 7 grams, which is a lot of $$$). I remember him getting mad at me for even accepting it, because he knew I was going to sell it, and disappointed that I even knew people that I could get it off to. I remember putting it in a secret pocket in one of my hoodies and eventually leaving (there was a lot more conversation I don't remember, but unimportant).

There was a time-lapse which I'm not sure if I should consider a separate dream, or whether it was even related to the last, but I ended up at my mom's apartment (where I currently reside). When I open the door and come in, she comes from her room to greet me, and I can almost immediately tell that something is wrong with her. She's drunk, and it's extremely unsettling because she's been almost 3 years sober now and I didn't think she was on the road to relapse. After exchanging some words with her, I see some middle-aged dude emerge from her room and I stop talking to her, since she's not saying anything important due to her intoxication. I immediately ask, "Who the fuck are you?" and he said he was her friend. After a short interrogation, I came to the conclusion that she recently met him and he pretty much brought wine over, not knowing she was a recovering alcoholic. I told him to get the fuck out my house or I'd be forced to call the cops, and he told me something like since it was her apartment, he wasn't going to leave unless she said so. The next thing I remember about the dream was the most unsettling. I'm not sure how it got there, or why, but there was a katana in place of where my guitar usually sat propped against the wall. I told hold of it, and threatened his life unless he left the place immediately. He taunted me, saying the sword was probably dull. For some reason, he picked up a pillow off the couch and I took a slash at it, cutting it cleanly into two. His face, I remember, was priceless. He was scared out of his fucking mind, and that's about all I remember before waking up.

The last two dreams I'll classify as nightmares. Both of my parents have a long history with drugs and alcohol, and it isn't coincidence that they both relapsed simultaneously. I think it's a deeper fear of mine, because I care a lot of both of them, and I know what would happen (especially with my mother) if they did. My dad I wasn't too worried about, because I'm pretty sure he can handle himself. Plus, the fact that he just gave me 7~9 grams of coke is pretty cool, because that can fetch a pretty penny nowadays. Looking at the dream involving my mom, I was really surprised that I was so protective of her, to the point of threatening another person's life. My mom told me after I woke up, that she heard me in the middle of the night. It's been awhile since I've had a nightmare this realistic, as most of the time it's something that doesn't really have a strong possibility of happening, and for that matter, doesn't seem so real. I was legitimately scared for my mother's life here, and I think that's what drove me to the point I was at when I was ready to take that guy's life in her defense.


I had trouble falling asleep that night before dreaming. I'm sick right now, which has a lot to do with it, but I used the mantra: "I will have lucid dreams tonight" repeated about 150 times before I quit counting, just trying to keep dreaming in my mind before falling asleep. I remember trying to picture something specific as well, which was originally a giant horse*** (big enough to step on buildings), which eventually morphed into a giant cat. This may have some relation to my first dream involving cats, but I can't be sure.

***I figured trying to picture something completely unrealistic and keeping it in my mind before going to sleep might trigger that thought manifesting itself in my dreams. I figured a horse the size of king-kong is something you don't see everyday, and should immediately tell me that I'm dreaming if I were to see one. The horse ended up becoming a cat as I lost focus while succumbing to sleep, and it's possible that it did have wings; like the cat that triggered my lucid. I can't recall at this point. I'm not sure if this is a common method for triggering a lucid dream, but it's something that seems to give me results and will continue to keep trying as I document my results in my DJ

Secret Santa (5:37)

My RH calls me into her office to receive my assignment for our house's secret santa this year. I also overhear the person before me getting her assignment, which has something to do with a basketball team. Apparently she really hates this team, because she almost starts shouting at the RH in her annoyance at this assignment.

I go back outside, where there's a party going on. My secret santa assignment walks past with a group of her friends, and they drag me over to where people are dancing. I'm still no good at "party dancing," though, so I'm not sure what to do with myself. I just stand there awkwardly amid all the flailing arms. Then I notice some volunteers trying to get through the dance floor carrying trays of drinks. I try to move out of the way for them, but I know that very few other people will.

I notice that I'm not wearing any pants, just briefs and an extra-long T-shirt. Well, if no one's bothered by it, then I guess I won't bother to change. It's kind of fun going around like this.

Someone hands me a cup, telling me there's a really delicious new drink in it. I try it, and it's pretty good. Looking over at the bar, I see the bottle that it came out of. It's marked "5% alc/vol." Now I think back on it, the drink did taste like there was alcohol in it.

Green Soccer Ball

I'm walking along a hallway with a group of people, languidly dribbling a luminescent green soccer ball. The narration tells me that it is a ball of Nutella, and it belongs to one of the guys walking nearby, the leader of the group. We go into a big room with rows of shelves, and the rest of the group starts passing the ball among themselves, trying to keep the ball's owner from getting it back. But this isn't just friendly teasing, it's malicious. Round about this time, I know I'm dreaming, but I try just to focus on what's going on around me, so that I don't leave the dream. Once, the ball rolls up to a shelf near the ball's owner, but he's standing on the other side of the shelf. Using magic powers, he zaps the ball with a bolt of lightning, and it disappears and reappears next to him. Three people start running towards him to get the ball back, but he zaps them all simultaneously, and they fly backwards to the end of the room.

Then he turns to me. To him, I know, I'm with the other people. But somehow he's willing to give me more of a chance, maybe because I respect him. (By the way, I'm a girl right now.) He warns me that he's about to zap me. Then he shoots the bolt of lightning, and I conjure a shield in front of me, in the form of a fuzzy ball of white light. The shield absorbs the lightning. He tries again, and I block it again. I guess he's impressed, and we start a conversation. But the other guys in the room are all watching us. Suddenly grinning, the guy walks up to me and takes both of my hands in his, one in each. I'm confused until I realize that he means to teleport us somewhere more private. The destination is a camp of soldiers on the eastern edge of Skyrim.

Hank Dreams (9:11)

I'm in a museum, learning about Hank Green's approach to lucid dreaming. There are several different tiers to it, and Hank warns people against trying the most vivid version without lots of practice. Personally, I think he's just being jealous about his ability to do that version, but whatever. The tour group enters a small movie theater, where we'll watch a video that has something to do with the dangerous effects of the most vivid version, which Hank calls a "Hank Dream." The video starts with Hank lying in a bed, sleep-talking to Marilyn Monroe. Some of his friends are standing around the bed, of course, including the one videotaping the whole thing. It's all in black and white. After a minute, Hank says, "Marilyn, stop. Stop! I'm already married," and everyone in the movie theater laughs. Then Hank starts sleepwalking as though blind, groping around the room, trying to find someone. The people around the bed back up, and suddenly I realize what is about to happen. "Oh, fuck," I say, jumping out of my seat and trying to get away from the movie screen. Hank stumbles after me, presumably intending to do to me whatever he had been about to do to "Marilyn." Drawing on my tae kwon do, I assume a back stance with my hands in double shooto position, preparing to fend him off. John Green laughs and explains the rest of the story: "Eventually she [Hank] gets so mad that she poops at you and storms off, and you LOSE. Except you hit her enough that after a moment she goes like this:" From a kneeling position, he slowly widens his eyes and straightens his back in an expression of surprise, then falls over backwards, apparently unconscious. It's all very comedic.

Frags:

• '"who are you?" violin player' (7:05)

6:35 am

We were cooking noodles or barbecue. I think the woman doctor is the one teaching us to cook. She's kinda Latino or at least South Asian. Probably South American?

We were waiting for the dino eggs to hatch. We were riding a truck.

People were drinking outside the street, near a bar. JM is back from the states. He has long, curly hair. There are other friends around. There were Bailey's and vodka, but I avoided alcohol.

Nov. 11, 2012
6:00-8:00

I was the drummer in a rock band. We were at a concert in a theater, where I was drunk. I played really well. When the music was over, I jumped into the crowd a FEW times (as in I got back onto the stage and did it again :/). When the crowd caught me, they'd bring me to the entrance of the theater, then I'd leave with some person who was in the band.

The dream ended there.

Dream - Lucid

I was at my house, sitting in my room. It was evening, and I had this awesome idea to book a hotel for the night, since I didn't have work in the morning and it was the weekend. I thought it would be something fun to do for a night or so. I thought I could bring some drinks and maybe a game system or two, and I'd be set. I was thinking I'd probably go to Nashville.

But I didn't want to go alone! So I called up my good friend Christina Yang from Grey's Anatomy, and asked her to go with me. I told her we could just get a room with a single queen bed to save on price if she "didn't mind that sort of thing". She didn't mind.

We were then in our hotel room in Nashville. It was now dark. The room was pretty nice and spacious. The lighting was dim. The bed was to the left, and the TV to the right, with big windows at the end, covered with translucent off-white curtains. The carpet was a dark red, I believe.

I was really excited for this. It would be fun to treat myself to a weekend out in a hotel. I couldn't wait! I then "remembered" doing something similar with Jake once, where we stayed in a hotel room, and I went to sleep while he stayed up and played games.

Then, I was with Christina Yang, Dr. Shepard (also from Grey's), and another woman. We were by the bed in our hotel room. Dr. Shepard and the woman were then lying side by side on the bed; it was an invitation for Yang and I to join. I got on top of Dr. Shepard, and I told them Yang would take the girl. We had been drinking, and apparently Yang hadn't really drank before. She stumbled into a hallway in the room and threw up on the floor. She then came over to the bed, and I was looking down at Dr. Shepard as I took a swig of drink from a bottle when...

it was then the next morning. I couldn't remember a damn thing about the night before! I must have blacked out. I asked about it, though I'm not sure who I asked, and was told it was a crazy awesome night! I asked if I drank a lot and I was told yes, though I honestly only remembered drinking a little. I was not nearly as gone as Yang, and yet, I couldn't remember anything! I had a feeling it had turned into a foursome/orgy type of thing. Sigh. And I didn't remember. That would have made for some interesting memories.

I then asked Yang what it was costing us to stay at this hotel per night, and she said it was $200 something. Shit! I barely have the money for that. Definitely not the money to stay two nights. I suggested to Yang that we stay in a cheaper hotel that night, one under $100/night. She suggested a hotel in Mt. Juliet instead of Nashville. I was fine with something like that, but we needed to check out ASAP. Yang then disappeared off somewhere, and I was left to pack everything up. I looked over by the big windows, and there was a small dresser there with a Wii, a small tin, and a Playstation 2 neatly lined up on top of it. The Wii and the tin were mine, but the PS2 was Yang's. I then walked by an ironing board, and hanging off the edge was a navy blue cable knit jacket. I then remembered that that had been the jacket Yang had on when she threw up on the floor, so it probably had vomit on it. I left that alone.

I then was trying to find the hotel exit. I rode in the elevator a couple of times, which moved very fast up and down. I talked to a man in the elevator the second time. I commented on how fast the elevator was.

I then was down in some basement area, and an older lady there, I think the hotel owner or some employee there, said the only way out was through this basement maze. She opened a door to it to show me. She said that I'd throw up in there quite a few times because of something with the amount of oxygen down there. I looked through the door and saw some people walking through, one a man. He leaned down to vomit. Ugh, gross. This can't be the only way out, right? I backed away from the door. I needed to find Yang; evening was coming again, and I didn't want to get charged for another day in this hotel.

I found Yang at some point at told her about the PS2 still being in the room. I then started to worry about the Wii and the other valuables that were still sitting in the room. I thought that since we had been away from the room for so long, someone may try to steal all of that stuff; it was sitting out in the open, after all.

07/29/2012
9:56am

Buying Alcohol
I find myself in the back seat of Donna's PT Cruser. Anna is in the front passenger seat and Donna is driving. Donna pulls onto a slopped parking lot and parks in front of a cheap liquor store. The store had a metal railing to the left side that where the parking lot dipped down a few feet. Behind the liquor store and down the sloped parking lot was a large wall-mart sized warehouse.

Inside the store we met up with a a cleaned up version of Diana and "Pirate" Bob. We were going to go party somewhere.... I hadn't seen any beer that seemed to appetizing to me,, but while we were waiting in line I went to the back and picked out some vodka and juice. (note I had vodka and juice at my friends house the night before.) I then went outside for a smoke.

I stood by the railing smoking and when the group came out talking I wondered over to the warehouse to explore and the dream transitioned.


Unsafe Work Conditions
Inside the warehouse I was starting a new job as an electro-mechanical assembler. The lighting was extremely poor and there were people grinding, cutting, and welding all over the place. Sparks flew on to the floor which was cluttered with flammable materials. Power tools where left plugged in, strung across the floor and running by themselves. I almost let my leg bump into a running chop-saw that had no top or bottom guard leaving the blade completely exposed.

I walk over to a guy with a tape-measure and watch him for a minute. He makes several random measurements on the floor, moving the tape at different angles, and occasionally measuring off the floor. Then he makes a scratch on the concrete and repeats the process. I accidentally step on the tape measure and notice that it is completely worn out at the end. I ask the guy why all the power tools have bin left on. "To keep the flickering light down while I finish cutting this (pipe/thing)"

The scene transitions again and I'm back in the warehouse where I started but the lights are back on and everything is well lit. Carts with sheet metal, brackets, and metal frames are being lined up on the floor to build machines. Two random guys who need work instructions come over but don't draw my attention to much. Rob R. shows up too and we look over the plans hanging on an easel. An girl from the office comes out with signs with job numbers and due dates and tapes them to the carts. I find everything extremely disorganized and joke with Rob about who (him or me) is going to be in charge and take responsibility for leading the builds and completing all the paperwork.

New Digs (8:33)

I'm exploring an outdoor area in a game. There are shiny, giant river rocks buried in the dirt. One of them you can pick up and add to your inventory; the rocks are worth something. It surprises me that there are so many other rocks available--if they make it that easy to make money, inflation will skyrocket. I'm still contemplating the patch of ground when someone else comes by and tries to pick up another rock, a differently colored one. It doesn't work. I laugh and point out that the rock is much bigger than it looks. Together we brush off some of the dirt to see that it's far to big to pick up and add to your inventory. Ah, so that's how the game developers solved it.

Later, I brush off some more dirt, and two beer canisters come rolling out from where they were buried. These canisters are three or four feet long and about as wide around as a typical beer bottle. They must have been left behind by the previous campers. Well, they're ours now, and I'm sure we'll make good use of them.

Still later, I'm looking around the cabin with my new roommates. I remember the beer canisters and I go back to where I found them, in a corner of the room. I find two more canisters, and soon after, I find the original ones, as well. I distribute them to people around the house, then wonder whether it may have been a mistake to break out the alcohol so soon. Another girl is giving me a worried look that says she's wondering the same thing, so I try to reassure her (and myself) that it'll be fine.

I declare to my friends that I believe I've "met the room." You see, I've been feeling stressed and out of sorts, and I think it's probably just from the change of circumstances to this new home. Now that I've had a look around it, I have a much clearer idea of where everything is, and hopefully I'll start feeling more comfortable. But as soon as I say so, I realize that I'm still not clear on a lot of the details. I take another look at the cabinets around the walls, opening them one at a time to see what's inside. Some of them might be wardrobes for my roommates, and I avoid those, because looking in there would be a bit rude. When I get to the kitchen, I'm surprised to find that the cabinet directly above the sink is not actually a cabinet at all. When you open the door, you just see a space between the two neighboring cabinets, and a little triangle where the roof comes together at an angle. Not very well-insulated, to be sure, but it's attractive in a rustic kind of way.

I take a look at our computer network. The operating system is basically just a UNIX shell with a blocky monospace font. Somehow I find myself in the directory of my onetime girlfriend (who's one of my new roommates), and I notice that she has folders named "SAIL," "Manchester," etc. [These are videos made by "Nanalew" on YouTube. Obviously I've never met her, but somehow my mind conflated her with my old girlfriend.] It's cool, somehow, seeing those directory names. It somehow invokes the idea of working hard to make something really cool.

I feel like I should get to work on my homework assignments soon. I know I have them, and it's not an overwhelming amount of work, but I've been chilling out and doing peripheral things for so long that I might be in trouble if I don't get started soon. I'm feeling a bit stressed, which makes me sad, because, of course, my current life goal is not to feel stressed. I go back into the main room and tell my old girlfriend about it. She sympathizes, and she recommends that I take a "two-thousand word nap."

"A what?" I ask. She explains that it's some bad advice that she read somewhere about what to do when you're stressed about homework. I suppose a two-thousand word nap must be between five and ten minutes, and the reason it's bad advice is because when you're up at four a.m. to finish a paper, if you go to sleep at all, you might not wake up again before morning.

While she's looking the other way, I contemplate how lucky it is that she's sort of back in my life again. I wonder if she'll be at all interested in cuddling when we're doing homework together, or what have you. I'm pretty sure everyone would agree that cuddling is better than not cuddling, but maybe she would want to avoid it because it would make it seem like we're dating again.

I go into another room of the house, where there's swing music playing. Nobody's there except one woman, who shows me a new move called the "Haymitch" [or something like that]. I have no idea if I'm doing it right, but it seems to involve standing shoulder-to-shoulder and pointing with your outside hands. I decide that's enough of that and take my leave to go to another part of the room. On a whim, I dance a bit by doing a hopping move for four beats in a row. Afterwards, I feel it went surprisingly smoothly. Maybe I would actually be good at swing dancing.

A dormitory and some tarot cards. Anxiety is what I feel. It is dark, not night, but hazy and dull and dim. Maya is near/here. A large box filled with alcoholic bottles. Empty maybe. Trouble. In the end I am not fearful. I'm going on some sort of journey. Someone asks me if/to write goodbyes. A bicycle is lying down and I write my goodbyes. I think I write down names around the bicycle in chalk. I think Rick S is here, talking to me. I write to my mom; I love you more than the moon and the stars.

It's Your Destiny (6:58)

A red-haired anime girl repeatedly walks up to my character and hands him a note. Half the time, she folds it into a paper airplane and blows it at him like she's blowing a kiss. The other half is a similar animation that also involves her blowing something at him. It's obvious that only these two animations were made, and they alternate randomly for variety. In both, after she delivers the note, she uses a pink rod about the size of a penis, which turns into an umbrella, and she floats away.

Some girls I know who have played the game before tell me that no matter how you play it, your character ends up with that girl. It has something to do with your destiny. I'm resistant to this idea, but there's clearly a different girl following me around in the game to enforce my destiny. The next time I see her approach, I get ready to do battle. I'm not exactly excited at the concept. I have a premonition that this battle will involve throwing fireballs, though, so at the least it will give me inspiration for lucid dream control, when I ever have one again. [D'oh!]

Indeed, one or two golf-ball sized fireballs are thrown. We also try setting traps on various pieces of furniture, but I'm not sure exactly how to set them off. Anyway, this girl is herself not an expert at this kind of fighting, so I'm not completely flattened. Some people my age are standing in a nearby driveway (it's dusk), which complicates things, because I think we're supposed to keep our abilities a secret. As I'm looking around, I notice an uncanny coincidence: of the three groups of people standing nearby, all are holding or manipulating a car tailgate/rear bumper, and our spells start affecting all three bumpers at once. It's such a strange coincidence that I start to wonder whether maybe destiny has something to do with it.

There's a man walking around the bar, singing enthusiastically along with the background music (which is Copeland's Hoedown). Our battle ends at the same time as the music.

Gingerly (6:58)

My family is walking into a building through a room with a lot of dog poop in it. Fortunately, there's a clear path around the side. Unfortunately, my mom trips and falls into the dirty part, then rolls through the dirty part before coming to a stop. That last part was totally unnecessary. She could have stopped herself somehow. My sisters are making loud, disgusted noises.

On the way out, I consider going around the other way, but it turns out that there are a ton of cobwebs between the car and the wall of the garage. Not worth it. So I go ahead of the group back around the original way so that I can open the door. We're talking about how this was just a routine checkup for our dog, but last year's checkup was routine and it led to discovering an illness which she hasn't recovered from to this day. So we're hoping for good news, but we're worried. We're also trying to coordinate times and places, because there's something I need to go to on my own, and someone else will have to pick me up.

Burnt Sugar Cookies (6:58)

Last night, someone made SO MANY sugar cookies. Dad shows me the box. They're all a little burnt, so they're brown rather than beige. They're going to be used as rewards. Dad also shows me the container which is supposedly full of grease from all the cleaning that had to be done afterward.

We try talking to my middle sister about something stupid she's doing. Mom's been trying to convince her to stop, but she isn't listening. I decide to pipe up and try to calm things down. I admit to her that I don't know as many of the details of the situation as Mom does, but I still agree with Mom's assessment that she should stop. I try to give some reasons, but I'm not sure that she listens.

Later, we're sitting around the dinner table. Dad tells everyone about how I've solved some of my professor's "Challenge Problems." I hadn't been planning on bringing it up, because that would be bragging. But now everyone's looking at me expectantly, so I say yes, I solved two of them. "Both of which I've already seen from other sources," I add. My eldest sister says encouragingly that there's no problem with that; it's all about "unifying the notation." I nod. I'd never thought of it that way before.

Springtime Traditions (6:58)

Spoiler for Springtime Traditions:

There's a video choreographed to "Rite of Spring." Right now, we're at the frenzied section towards the end of "Mock Abduction." Perhaps unsurprisingly, the accompanying video shows three couples lying parallel to each other, having sex. The video cuts are all over the place. I have a feeling I know what's coming. Indeed, on each of the last chords before "Spring Rounds," everyone convulses together. A helpful white label appears on screen, too, saying, "orgasm." I wake up messily.

Frags:

• Someone asks me my year in school, so I hold up three fingers. "Fourth?" they ask. I suppose the little short wall between us might have gotten in the way, so I raise my hand higher and say, "Ah, no, third," and they say, "Ah, of course." I wonder if my pinky wasn't folded over far enough the first time.
• There's a free bottle of alcohol lying around, so I grab it. Reading the label, I see that it's apparently bourbon. Excellent; I haven't tried that kind yet. [IRL I have this thing where I kind of want to try all the different kinds of alcohol, and then maybe never drink again after that. Who knows.] I put the bottle in my backpack. I still feel weird doing things like that; I feel like it should be illegal for me to possess alcohol. But it's not, anymore.
• I witness an awesome piece of scenery, and I try to impress it on my memory. It might have involved clouds.

(This is a catch-up post. This dream took place on the night of August 22-23, 2012.)

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

My mom and I are watching a play together. The play features a girl and a creepy, life-sized puppet that is designed to be a body double of her. I see that $OfficeBoss is there, watching the play with his family. Then, my mom and I go out to the parking lot and drive away in the same car together, even though we both have cars there. We can only start one of our cars, not the other one, because neither of us has the right key for that one.

I'm in the Phoenix, Arizona metro area on vacation, visiting my good friend, JM. I have my own car [which I never do when I go to visit him, because I always fly there and get rides around town with him and his friends - this should have been my first clue that I was dreaming, but it wasn't], and I'm driving east along the freeway, heading in the direction of JM's house. The scenery around me is incredibly beautiful and lush, with lots of desert plants.

JM and I are hanging out in a bar together, totally chilling out on a sofa. I'm drinking a beer that someone else abandoned on a table. We walk out of the bar, which is located in a shopping mall. As we're on our way out of the mall, we find another friend of ours, ET [a human - yes, those are his initials], in another of the mall's shops. I realize it's him when I hear his voice. A bunch of our friends are with us now. ET hugs everyone in the group (myself, JM, CF, and a couple of others), except for RD. RD doesn't want to be hugged, and uses her fingers to climb up the side of a door to get away from ET. ET tickles her on the small of her back instead.

I'm walking through a beautiful Arizona landscape of desert farms, and at this point, I finally realize that I'm dreaming. I focus on the fact that the guard dogs that many of the farms have cannot really hurt me when I'm in a dream. I run away from one of them by flying straight up, and then start flying over the lovely scenery, admiring it. Looking southwest, I can see downtown Phoenix, which has skyscrapers and a giant stone head with a big, wide-open mouth. Just after I've started flying, my alarm goes off and wakes me up.

Dream - Lucid

I was in my house in the kitchen with someone, I want to say kind of a butch-looking girl. I went to the fridge and opened it to find some wine. I pulled out the bottle, and there was only about a glass left. I said something to the girl about there barely being any left, so I was just going to drink it from the bottle. I pulled the cork and put it to my lips.

Dream skip. Things get interesting here.

Someone, I think this girl I know in waking life named Jane, had lost her parents (not so in waking life) when she was younger. I was watching the scenario of how how she lost her mom. Apparently, she had lost her parents at different points, first her dad, then her mom.

The story was that they were at a beach when she was very young, probably about 6 or 7, and her version of the story was that her mother was killed by being swept out in powerful currents or something. I watched the beach come into view from above. I saw it was a sunny day. The beach was secluded and rocky, and lots of areas formed huge, strong currents between the rocks.

Then, it was like I was playing some weird version of Sim Earth, and I started trying to get rid of the currents by placing waves between the grey rocks where the current got strong. This just pushed the current outwards. I kept trying, and it kept doing the same thing, so I just deleted my wave placements to make it go back to normal.

Then, I was watching the young Jane and her mother, both very beautiful. Her mother seemed like a very, very kind woman. They were standing in very shallow water close to the shore by a huge rock formation at the very left side of the beach. Something happened to where Jane killed her mother, though it was not on purpose, but an accident. She was stabbed through the middle. I saw the wound, and it was bloody, but not too bloody. The present Jane then had this horrible realization that she had killed her mother, after thinking for years it had been the currents.

Then, I was getting out of my parked car on a sunny day at this Catholic church in my town. I was going to meet either Jane or Jake, I'm not quite sure anymore. I think it was Jake. I had to walk somewhere though, so I got out of the car, and started to walk away from the church. I got to the corner of the sidewalk, and to my right, I saw a little ways from me, two HUGE grey dogs. No collars, no leashes. They looked like Great Danes. As bad as I want a Great Dane (I do want one in waking life), I did not want a run-in with these dogs. I turned to my left, and again, a ways away from me were two more gigantic grey dogs.

I started back towards the church, trying to step cautiously as to not startle the dogs. Well, apparently, I wasn't taking enough care in my steps, because first two, then the other two, started to bound towards me. Not out of aggression, but they wanted to greet me. I am very small, even in waking life, compared to Great Danes, but these were even more massive and muscular than their waking life counterparts. I was walking by the parked cars in the parking lot as they started to jump on me excitedly. One bit me on the arm he was so excited, but not hard enough to make me bleed, though I did still feel the pain of the bite.
"Down! Sit! Stay" I started to say forcefully over and over.
They backed off a little, but not much. Then, right as I feel like I was getting to my car (I don't think I was going to leave, but I needed shelter), a Golden Retriever started to join in on the fun.

At some point during all this, I remember calling Jake. He asked if I wanted to meet him somewhere else or something, and I said yes.

I also remember seeing a photograph of Jake as a child, I think it was Jake anyway, in front of a building with some other children. Jake was not smiling. He looked angry and sad. He had lost his parents (it was bleeding in with the Jane story at that point).

I know I'm leaving some things out of here, especially in the part where Jane's mother is killed. But the most vivid part of the dream was the dog part, seeing them and being jumped all over by them. Odd.

Dream - Lucid

I was sitting at a desk in a classroom with many other people, lots of them I knew from high school. The desks were all set up in this huge square. We were taking the GRE.

It was very quiet in the room, of course, as we all bubbled in answers on our papers. There was a test proctor walking around keeping time (it's a timed test). During this time, I remember looking across the room and seeing Rob, this guy I went to high school with. I knew he had taken the test quite a few times because he kept doing poorly.

We then had a break to all get up and go use the bathroom and such.

I then remember sitting back down, this time I feel like I was sitting around the area that Rob had been sitting. I remember my high school friend Sara being there as well, though her hair was shorter than I remember. We were about to take the writing portion of the test. I went through the opinion/argumentative writing part, and felt just fine about it. Time was called, and then we started the next writing portion, analyzing an argument, a part of the test where you have to be able to read a simple argument, and pick out its fallacies. The short argument was on the paper in quotations, bigger print and italics. I don't remember what it said exactly, but I spent a lot of time thinking about what to write. I had been nervous about this part of the test to begin with. During this time, I actually remembered that this was supposed to be a computer-based test now, not paper-based, but I just didn't worry too much about it.

I wrote a couple of sentences on my notebook paper, but then erased them. Someone close by to me warned me they were about to call time. Not two seconds later, the test proctor called time. Fuck! I didn't have anything written! I was going to have to take it again. The score was going to be completely unacceptable to any of the graduate programs I wanted to attend.

I then was in the same room again, retaking the test. The same group of people was in there. I don't remember details of this part.

Then, the tests were taken up when we were done. They were put in colored folders, I seem to remember purple being one, on this bin/shelf that looked like it was in my closet, but it wasn't my closet? Weird. Well, I wanted to see mine and maaaybe correct some things on it if I could, but I knew that was cheating, and I'm sure they kept a close eye on them. I kind of thumbed through them, but didn't make any corrections. I was afraid I'd get in trouble just for touching the tests. I remember seeing the bin/shelf of results throughout the rest of the dream.

~

I was with my friend Mike and some other people. We were in some video game. I don't know what our mission was, but it involved getting some items to someone behind a big door at the back of the bar. The door was inaccessible unless we had these items.

We were in an old, dark, dilapidated bar sometime in the distant future. There was all this swamp area inside of it that would kill us if we touched it. I don't remember who touched it first, if it was me or someone I was with, but we all ended up just jumping in the swamp. I remember thinking it would hurt to die, but it didn't. I remember floating down into the swamp, feeling a little weird, and then, we were alive again inside the bar.

We then saw the bar as it had been thousands of years prior. It had a few people in it, and looked brighter and, of course, it wasn't worn out and dilapidated. There was also no swamp area. We went up to the bar and the bar tenders, I remember for sure one was a woman, said something to us.

Then, it started to age in fast motion. I watched out a window as the trees outside withered and died (apparently this was the end of the world or something), and the light looked more and more orange, like a sunset. The bar was then the same swampy bar we had originally walked into. There were still people tending bar, but they were, of course, not the same people as when the bar was young. One of the girls that was with us reached behind the bar for these orange drinks.

I remember us falling into the swamp again, and this time, I was more prepared for the feeling. I again saw the swamp around me, and the people I was with falling inside the swamp as I was. We were then alive again in the bar shortly after falling into the swamp.

I remember something about us having to collect hairpins for some reason? I don't know if we ever did, but I remember it having something to do with our mission.

~

I was with Mike again, but this time, it was just us. We were 15 years old again for some reason, but we knew we had been older before. It was weird.

We were outside on a sunny day, and Mike wanted to find some booze. I asked him if he wanted beer, liquor, or wine, and proceeded to explain where we could find each of them. I don't remember what he said, but we went to go look.

We approached this extremely windy tunnel, and Mike had the idea to get out this black umbrella so we could block the wind with it (it was kind of video-gamey here). We opened the umbrella, put it out in front of us to block the wind, and slowly walked through the tunnel. You could see the white wisps of wind around us, again, like you probably would in a video game. We finally made it out to the other side, and the umbrella was tattered and torn. But we made it out!

Then, we were in some bar, and asked for a bottle of some kind of booze, I can't quite remember which, though I think it was liquor.
"How old are you?" the bartender asked.
I had my ID out just in case.
"15" replied Mike.
Lolwut. He isn't going to sell it to us now, idiot!
He then went back to get us our liquor. HUH?!? That should NOT have worked!

We then saw him getting our liquor, and another male bartender, who was apparently pissed at for some reason, spit inside the bottle before giving it to the original bartender to give to us. Ewww. He then gave us the bottle of liquor. I tried to take a swig of the amber liquor, but it was mostly slimy, like spit. I spit some of it out, and took another. The same thing happened. It rested in my mouth for a second before I decided to swallow it. Just the idea that I had drank someone else's saliva was gross, but I didn't puke or spit it out this time. I guess when you're 15 and you find liquor, you just take what you can get.

~

Weird half-asleep dream this morning.

I was inside some volcano that was going to erupt the next day; it was inevitable. Spock from Star Trek was building this very small (and when I say small, think a child's playhouse) building out of small, square, crumpled white pieces of paper. I saw many were not squared off, so with my mind, I squared them off. It was all then white wicker instead? Other Star Trek characters were there as well.

The building was supposed to be sacred, a shrine of some sort. I remember the floor of it being completely wicker, and I remember building a lot of it with my mind, though Spock was supposed to be building it. I then saw Spock with long, straight black hair, and he was sad. He said it was no use, it would be destroyed by the lava from the volcano. The tiny building was complete, save for a roof. He then rolled this white rack over to an opening in the wall of the building
"These are hangers" he said. I then saw some hangers on top of the rack. I supposed they were for coats or something for people visiting the building. I guess no matter how doomed the building was, he was kind of in denial about it, in a way. He wanted to believe it would be ok, even though he knew it was going to be destroyed.

I'm in a bar with two of my friends. Tim and Mike. We're playing ping pong for some reason. Drinking and ping pong are two things I do enjoy so this makes sense Tim tries to explain something to me and I try to respond to him as best I can as I'm leaving the bar but cannot find the words because I'm intoxicated. I mumble something incoherently and then realize that I have to be dreaming because Tim and Mike do not drink anymore and the only bar that ever had a ping pong table has been closed since I finished high school.

I IMMEDIATELY hear a roar of noise and what sounds like rain and realize when I wake that it's my air conditioner making the noise. I was also able to make sounds and say words while I was in a conscious awakened state whilst still being unable to open my eyes. My girlfriend confirmed this as she was lying next to me the whole time.

Weird...

Dream - Lucid

Finally, some good recall again!

I was with Jake. I can't quite remember where.

Then, I was sitting at my desk putting a baggie with a tiny piece of a marijuana bud in it in an envelope for my friend, Grace (who doesn't smoke in waking life). I was going to mail it to her. I felt like I had mailed marijuana before and it wasn't a big problem (yeah, I'm not dumb enough to do this in waking life).

I then was walking through what was supposed to be a high school or something. I was still with Jake. I then saw my reflection in something we walked past, not a mirror but a very reflective surface, and I looked quite a bit different. My hair was short and straight and styled in a bouffant fashion. I was wearing a short skirt, red I think, but I don't remember what kind of top I was wearing. I looked at it for a second as we walked by.

I again saw my reflection, and it looked the same as before, bouffant hairdo and all.

Then, we were walking through a garage, still at the school apparently, and I was smoking a cigarette. As we walked up the stairs to the door to exit the garage, I flicked the butt behind me, not watching where it landed. My dad was then walking with me, and commented on the stink of the cigarettes (apparently lots of people smoked here).

~

I was going to Jake's. I went into his apartment, and immediately thought that the locks had been changed for the new roommates moving in, and I didn't have the new key. Oh well.

I walked through the apartment, which looked much different than in waking life. I remember walking past a cabinet with these two new, gold locks on it. On the living room couch were his two new roommates, two college guys. I remember one having a very short black mohawk and being shirtless. I don't remember what they were doing, I think they were just drinking soda or something. They didn't even seem to notice as I walked in.

I then went to Jake's room. It was super messy, and he was sleeping on what looked like a cot in the middle of the mess, kind of close to the door. I woke him up and said something about his new roommates.

~

There are some fragments that I can't really place.

One, I was watching something on TV in my room with my mom, when the bouffant girl that was supposed to be me in the last dream came on TV. I got excited and told her about the dream. She smiled and got excited too (lol she wouldn't get excited in waking life).

Another was of me driving topless. I felt exposed. Why the hell was I driving topless?

I then remember something about seeing my old cat, Pounce, or at least a cat that looked just like her. This triggered lucidity, and I looked at my hands to stabalize, but I immediately lost it and went into a non-lucid dream.

~

I got a text from my pen pal, Gabriel, whom in waking life I've never met in person, and who lives in another state. It said
"Wanna get a drink?"
I hadn't realized he had texted me; it had been about 30-45 minutes since he had asked me. I got really excited and I told him yes, but he didn't answer right away. It was kinda late too, like 8:30pm or so.

So I got online and ordered some ticket to some bar in Franklin, the town he lived in in the dream. I then somehow had the small white ticket. It looked like a ticket to a movie.

I was then in the kitchen at my house, My mom was then telling me how she wanted me to help her with something. I told her I wasn't going to be coming home that night. She asked why, and I said I was going to go get a drink.

I realized that he never answered my text. I then called him, and he picked up on the first ring. I was a little nervous about talking to him.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"I do want to get a drink."
That's about all I remember of the conversation, though I'm sure there was more. I felt more at ease as we talked. His voice was soft and deep; comforting.
I think he texted me his address.

I then left. It was dark, obviously, since it was late. I only had about an hour and a half to drive (only 30 min. away in waking life).

I was then at his place. We went into his room, and he was talking to me as he went through some stuff on his bed. He had already bought this six pack of hard lemonade-type drinks. So I guess we were drinking at his place. His apartment seemed a little messy, but it wasn't bad. He had short black hair, looked youthful, and was a little shorter than the average guy. He actually would later in the dream remind me of someone I'm acquainted with in waking life, Tony.

I sat down at a desk chair, and we started on our hard lemonades. We were talking, having a good time, feeling each other out since we'd never actually met in person. I was a little skeptical just because I felt like I kinda rushed into getting drinks with him, but he seemed gentle, nice, and genuine.

At one point we were talking about the lemonades. He was already on his second, and I was still on my first, though it was almost gone.

I then fell asleep. I woke up, and didn't see Gabriel. I went to the bag the six pack was in, but all the lemonades were gone. I guess I had been out long enough for Gabriel to drink the rest.

My mom then came in and did or said something, I can't remember, but I thought it was insane that she even knew where I was, that she even knew his address. Weird.

Then, Gabriel came back in with a bunch more booze. He pulled out amber liquor and beer, which was the same color. I started to open one up, but realized it was liquor, so I started to open up another, smaller bottle instead. I actually wasn't sure if it was liquor or beer or something else altogether, but I poured it into a glass and started to drink it. The flavor wasn't bad, though it tasted muted for some reason. I could taste the slight bitterness, but it was fine.

Then, we were talking again, I think I mentioned something about my mom coming over. I was a little tipsy, but mostly I think I was just tired. Gabriel started talking to some of his friends, whom I think were supposed to be his band. They were looking at instruments that were in what now seemed to be a mixture of Gabriel's place and a music store. This is the part where I really thought he looked like Tony. He made hand gesture to his mouth to tell the guys we were drinking. The next thing I remember, they were gone.

At some point, I noticed his bed. It was a queen with old, dusty, worn-looking white bedding. I thought it would be perfect to share with him.

I then took too big a sip of my alcohol. I let it sit in my mouth for a second, afraid to swallow cause I didn't want to puke, but sucked it up and did it anyway. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it was just fine.

I feel like my mom was there again. Someone was, anyway, and I was laying on my stomach on a bed or something. Gabriel then put his hand on my back. A big smile painted my face. His touch was so gentle and soft. I trusted him a lot more then.

Finally, Gabriel said he was going to go to bed. I asked him if he wanted me to stay or go.
"Ummm..." He was thinking.

I then was woken up to hearing my neighbor call their dog.
"Sawyer!!!"

Oddly, in the last dream, I think part of me knew it was a dream. I didn't want to wake up, and I remember looking at my hands trying to keep the dream, but I wasn't actively lucid. It was just "in the back of my head" or something. I dunno. Either way, I'm not going to classify it as lucid.