dream fragment

19th May 2021

Fragment (remembered this while in the car and thinking about money):

I'm somewhere, meeting back up with dad. I'm giving him several old pound coins. I deliberately picked old ones instead of newer ones to give him and I remember ruffling through something (a cloth bag?) to get them.

---

20th May 2021

Fragment:

I'm in a version of my old town. It's dark, night time, but no street lights or anything? I meet up with D (childhood friend), an accidental meeting. I follow him into a building, climbing some stairs that lead up to the ground floor where the entrance is. The building is the one opposite of the cafe on the main street.

(transition)

We're then inside his apartment, but like the building, it's not the same as it would be in waking life. There's a lot of stuff everywhere and I make some remark on how it's comforting to know that other people can also have this issue. It's mostly clothes, clean but unarranged and piled up. I forget what we talk about, but we discuss something. It's dark here too, but more like dawn than night. There's a cold ambient light.

Then, I think I need a wee and I go somewhere in the flat. I go into this sort of secret compartment behind something and I forget all about needing a wee as I climb down a wall ladder comprised of metal loops in the wall. Then this part has a connection to the lift shaft. It's dark and goes a long way down in there. I look away? The rest of the room is some kind of cubical underhang thing on the building. There's a barred window in here at some two or three feet away. It looks much brighter on the outside, like it's daytime there. I look again into the lift shaft and the aperture is smaller than before now.

I'd have to crawl first to fit through now and drop down. A mouse, two mice come out. They look clean but I don't trust them. One gets close and for whatever reason I still reach toward it with my hand. It gets on top of my hand and bites me. It doesn't hurt a lot but I feel worried about getting an infection. I'm angry at the mouse but quickly forget about it. I go elsewhere, not sure where, and there I eventually wash my hands in a bathroom.

(there was a lot more to this dream but I couldn't recall much)

Notes:
- Before I fell asleep on night preceding the 19th fragment, I was again thinking of a general thing of Occipitalred's thoughts on dream awareness.

- It's ironic that only just recently I told Occipitalred I couldn't remember any dreams about money but then just a day or so before I had indeed dreamed about the subject of money in some form.

- I like to collect old and non-circulating coins, even if they are actually fairly recent. It seems odd that I would give dad the older ones rather than the newer ones, especially since in the dream there was some subtext of money being required to pay something banal.

- The dream with the mouse is one of a few recent-ish ones where a rodent has appeared.

Trying to get back in the game again.

20210521
* Multiple dreams likely influenced by watching a few episodes of Love, Death, and Robots on Netflix yesterday.
* Fragment: walking through a dark city.
* Extended fragment group: in a pop-up community nested inside of a combination warehouse/train station. I was younger? Started out sitting on the floor, feelings of rejection. Our community is being sabotaged by the unseemly inspector/pest-control man. Alternating dark brown and light white/blue environments. Sitting on a long central bench with previously tentative characters after bonding - themes of friendship, community. Wholesome.
* Sleep notes: asleep around 11-12, woke at 5:10 and was very uncomfortable until 7:20 when I forced myself up.

* EDIT: forgot to add that after sleeping primarily on my back for the last few months, I made an effort to sleep on my side the last two nights, which may have helped with the more vivid dreams. I had pretty long and detailed dreams last night as well.

20210520
* A lot of dream fragments featuring my wife in different forms.
* Fragment: themes of age and youth. My wife and I are in the second story of a stone castle-like apartment with all of the lights turned off inside, looking out and down on the yard/driveway and downtown street. It's dark, illuminated only by streetlights. Late night or early morning. We watch the young-adult-aged daughter of the house owner approach the oddly positioned staircase with her small dog. We don't want to be caught watching her approach -- we may have been hiding out in the house? The dog sees us and enters our room playfully.

Ghost dream
There is something involving ghosts happening. I feel an intense fear at some point. Towards the end of the dream one of my cats, Dori, apparently tells me about how she just thought ghosts approached her and it seems she is traumatized.

---

- There is also a memory associated that is likely to be related to another dream. There is a bunch of dreams that I keep remembering from months to many years ago, usually with recurring places. Maybe I should just document those as well under unknown date?
Well, the memory is that of a dark corridor. I might have been exploring some sort of cellar of a school or something, and there is an intense and totally unnaturally sinister feeling associated with it. I've explored this across many dreams multiple times, and it's always been associated with a strong curiosity but a deep sinister feeling breaking my courage and me stopping my attempt and getting out of the strange, windy, and tight cellar at the last moment before something would've caught me, and always shutting an extremely thick, heavy steel door with a sort of airtight turning mechanism. But honestly, I can't say I don't like these dreams. Nightmares are more interesting than anything for me, there's always something interesting going on, and it's rare something actually scares me in any way I wouldn't want.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some house, staying with dharma brothers and sisters and my teacher is there too. Can't recall details, but we've been teasing each other, while we sit at opposite couches with different posses. The house starts shaking and chaos ensues, with people jumping over the couches, not knowing where to run to. Some say it is and earthquake, others say it isn't. I go to the nearest window and I see a pit forming around the house and it is full of liquid chocolate on which the house starts to sink. I warn everybody and jump over the pit to safer ground. Then offer help to others. But some don jump and instead pass me trays of chocolate cookies and cakes through the window.
Then I am alone with a big guy that I was nice to and he is getting too close for comfort. He looks like a big viking with orange beard, but I have to push him away. He gets mad and demands to know why I don't love him back. I say I could love him if I actually knew him and if he changed his behavior. I buy some time until there are others around, who also escaped the sinking house. They come with paintings, namely portraits of me as a goddess or Wonder Woman.
I look gorgeous on the paintings and look at myself for comparison, I suppose. I notice my hair is dark black on the half bottom but has a light brown shade on the top half and I don't like it. So I do some coloring on the top to even out the color, but somehow I end up bleaching most of my hair. At first look, I panic, but then realize I don't look bad blonde. I also have pretty black and pink highlights in the bottom of the hair and it actually looks amazing.

Join some event with hundreds of people in an auditorium. My Sensei is on stage talking and then he gets emotional and starts singing a song. He sucks at it, so I accidentally giggle and he is very offended. Says he is doing his best and if there are those who do better, to please come and bless us with their voice. Then he calls me and tells everybody that I am so good that maybe I'll be discovered by someone from the music industry today. Except he knows I hate crowds and singing in front of audiences and surprises. People applaud to incentivize me and I say absolutely no and refuse to go. He comes down the stage and sits really close, on the row in front of me. Someone to my right says we don't need to stay angry at each other and suggests we apologize, but he grunts, so I get up and leave. Outside, I am thinking I can't have my ASD diagnostic soon enough. Maybe then people will understand and be a little more respectful of how hard it is for me to be exposed like that in front of hundreds of people.
Then a car passes by on the road, an old model with a big rear. The owners tied, what I assume is their dog, to the windshield wipers and are driving with him standing outside on top of the trunk. The dog seems to be enjoying, but there is a huge risk he slips and gets hang on his leash. They stop at some traffic lights and some courageous guy comes running and unties the dog. The couple inside the car starts complaining and shouts threats, but they keep driving away. We find it odd. I tell the guy they probably will come back, so I stay by his side to support him. But they don't come and instead send a drone with inbuilt communication device. It says please to tie the dog to the drone and return it. I grab the drone and yell to the mic that they have to come and get it or else fuck off. So they obviously don't care about the dog and I tell the guy to keep it. Then the guy also talks to the drone and I notice he is holding the leash, but there is no dog at the end of it. I warn him and we freak out looking for the dog. Turns out he was sitting quietly behind us and allowed me to put the leash on him again, but he had been chewing on it and that's how it broke off.

I had a dream based on a story I had watched about this french creep guy who runs a model agency and abuses young modes. I dream I am also working for some modelling agency and the boss sexually harassed me. So I go confront him at some shop where he is supposed to be with his wife and two adult twin daughters, but he is not there. I still deliver my message to the wife and daughters. They mock me. They say my career is ruined and anyway they already received the money I owed them for quitting. I am confused, I swear I did not pay anything and I will actually demand a compensation in court. They keep laughing. A male secretary of theirs explains to me they already received a transfer from my parents after they were told I was quitting the program. I am pissed. They then taunt me that I am throwing away international fame and riches because of nothing. I say I prefer keeping my self respect and dignity and be happy than a sell-out zombie raped by that sleaze bag for any money in the world and also that there are many ways to make money in life. They are getting upset with me and stop laughing and just want me to go away. Eventually I do, I see I am not going to open up their eyes to how pathetic they are.
I cross the road, there are trams going both ways and lots of people on the crosswalk. I see the river down the street ahead. I am supposed to go to the street on the right, but I lots of people going straight ahead in a party mode, so I follow them. Then I also come across people showing indignation and complaining about some bullfighting. By the river, I see a fence around and area with sand on the ground, clearly an improvised arena. Outside is a small stable with about 6 young male calves lined up and some people are cheering and celebrating while others are naturally mourning the faith of the young ones and petting them. I get closer to also pet them and to say prayers for them. Then I spot a female calve on the side, looking very weak and being totally ignored. I guess she is there by mistake and no one seems to care about her. I get closer and she comes to me to cuddle up and lick me. I hug her and immediately decide I need to get out of there and take her with me somehow.

18th May 2021

Fragment:

Contextually I'm in some kind of alternate reality. In a basement or garage of some kind? But there's a feeling it's older. The ceiling is concrete and orderly and only slightly taller than I am. The ground is uneven and natural in some sense. It's dark. My dog is here with me at some point, but I'm distracted by something else?

I was previously outside. A red-ish place, sandstone like. Reminds me now of stereotypical Mars depictions. It's sandy and the sky is a desaturated colour. I remember several interactions with dream characters, but only so vaguely. A man? Something about not belonging here perhaps.

Notes:

- I remember that last night I tried to think about several things relating to dreaming. I tried thinking about the lucid dreaming party that I never managed to successfully incubate, I thought about Occipitalred's thoughts on dream awareness in a traditional "non-lucid" state. I remember thinking about lucidity in general but I eventually became mentally distracted, lost focus, falling asleep at some point.

- Something about the outdoors place reminds me of Tomb Raider III level design, but only in very vague semblance.

17th May 2021

Fragment:

In a square or plaza, a place like L? Some kind of family gathering, we're right in the middle of the place. Some fuss is made about something (probably trivial) and L is there and maybe my cousin T. A throw is about to be put over the ground but as it is pulled out of whatever it was in, a pink skin-toned adult toy is dragged out along too. The toy bounces around unrealistically, somewhat out of control and taking a while to stop, with nobody being able to catch it. Even though it's not mine, I feel embarrassment over this since we're in such a public space. I feel this way because there are bystanders and I'm afraid of being judged by association?

Later, I'm with my sibling T in a lava area. It's implied to be UT2k4 and we can do the dodge moves like in the game. We need them too, so we can cross a lava gap as we travel through the inside of a hollowed out tree trunk, which is all carbonised. I think to myself about it being lucky that the person who made the level didn't know how to do terrain properly, because it meant that there were very flat bits, making it easy to get across safely. I remember noticing and briefly inspecting the terrain tessellation.

Notes:

- I'd recently been making a level on UT2k4's editor but I stopped working on it kind of abruptly even though I didn't consciously want to. I seemed to have stopped after remembering and feeling sad that nobody will ever play my maps, since the game is mostly dead and obscure now.
-- In that map, I finally learned how to do terrain, which is a large feature for the map.

- The lava place was atmospherically volcanic, but I don't recall any smells or ambience sounds.

- Thinking about the fact that I was only with T in the second part... We used to do a lot of things together and in the dream, I think as a person it seemed like he was more like when we were younger.

- My family never shares anything about our sex lives or anything relating to that part of life. I have always felt there's an awkward silence to all of it. The spontaneous, silly and uncontrolled situation with the toy in the dream, I think it reflects part of this.
-- On the other hand, on the few occasions I've spoken to my parents about such things I ended up feeling embarrassment, probably because it was never normalised as a topic of conversation.

15th May 2021

Fragment:

Whistling but wearing my work mask? Comes out as normal in waking life, kind of weak, since I don't really know how to whistle.

(recalled this after trying to whistle while making food)

16th May 2021

Fragment:

Part of a long dream. I'm entering a flat and need to get something I or someone else left there? There's plenty of furniture and stuff, it feels complete, if a bit dark or dingy; a cool ambient light? I enter a room and there's a bed, not realising that there's someone laying in it.

I reach for whatever I'm here for. An old woman sits up quickly on the right side of the bed, which is for a couple. She starts sort of shouting with some kind of desperation and sadness in her voice, shouting at me things like how she wants to be left alone and how she wants me to leave. I hesitate, not saying anything back, and eventually do leave.

I return at some point later in the dream and essentially the same thing happens, only with slight differences, such as things said.

Vaguely recall being in an outdoor area, I talk to someone who's close to me. We talk about the old woman. There's a full car park? I remember taller than average vehicles, maybe like caravans more than lorries.

At another point I am in the stairwell of my old home. Something feels distorted but it seems about right otherwise. It's bright, but from the lights, not sunlight. There's something about a neighbour, something about food? Indirect interaction.

Fragment:

I'm messaging MoonageDaydream here on the DV forums, telling her something from when I was about 15 or so?

---

Notes:

- At a first guess, the old woman is a direct representation of a certain aspect of myself that feels exactly as she did. Her emotions felt clear in the dream, though my dreaming self as a character did not react so much that I can recall.
-- The old woman's hairstyle was somewhat like my paternal grandmother, but I do not recall who her face might have resembled.

- Whistling is something I've tried to do for many years, everyone in my family can whistle and has done so since I was a kid but I only learned to do it a little bit very recently, the last three or four years.
-- Incidentally, when is it not very recently? Five years, six, seven?

- I had no recall at all of my surroundings in the whistling fragment, as if my visual focus did not go past my own face, in some way.

- Messaging Moonage probably came from recent interactions, but I don't know what could be particularly relevant to discuss from when I was 15.

10th May 2021

Dream:

I'm on some cliff-top in a surrealist environment. There are many cliffs which are mostly straight up vertical and the height of mountains and the cliff I'm on is the same. There's a blue (cyan tinge?) but desaturated sky. I fall down to a lower rock platform on the side of the cliff but then I use drilling tools like the ones from DRG, quickly making my way back up through the rock. I make a guess as to where I'm going (based on some environmental factor?) and there are some parts where there are large swiss-cheese-like holes and openings in the cliff that I avoid.

I then find and head inside some structure which has some hallways within. There's a clay-like tone to this structure? There are also some window openings in the walls but they are sort of perfectly squared off and have no glass or frame, but I don't recall wind or anything of the sort. There may be some lights inside the structure but I'm not sure. Then, there's a counter just by a hallway corner.

On this counter-top, I place two kitchen knives. One is like our metal bread knife and the other is like one of the coloured knives, about the same depth, so probably the magenta one? Some dream characters appear behind me and they seem to be passing by, but other characters are just idling around. I interact with the passer-bys and they ask me casual questions, which I answer. They fit into the archetype of some of my black friends from school, but they are not these friends specifically. We just know each other in the same way.

Then I move away from the counter. Someone shows up, I think AM (mom's friend L's daughter) But her skin is not as pale white as I recall it (don't notice this specifically in the dream?), her hair is darker and more like mine and she's a bit chubby. I say something about waiting "fourty years for my wife" and think about how different she looks. She sits and reclines on top of the same counter from before, her feet are bare.

11th May 2021

Fragment:

Something about being with a big group, in a subway. Queen Elizabeth II is with us and is a part of our group. We board a train (looks like L subway) and the passengers who are already inside are staring and openly voice that they can't believe that it's actually the queen. She takes a seat and I sit beside her. I talk to her and tell her some story from my life, from years ago. She doesn't reply to anything I say and I interrupt myself remarking "you've probably heard it all before I suppose", realising that she is just that much older than me and must have heard and known the life stories of hundreds or thousands of people.

---

Notes:

- The night before the 10th, I was practising anatomy drawing and there was a woman in a reference image that fit the same typical appearance as what AM appeared like in the dream.

- In the fragment's dreaming context we were on some kind of tour and the subway was a connecting point to get to somewhere else.

- When I woke up, I think I had lingering feelings and found myself surprised at the dream passengers' shock for seeing the queen. In the dream the whole context felt absolutely normal and day-to-day.

- I don't think I've dreamt of Elizabeth II before. In the dream she was much like my paternal grandmother in some respects, possibly even physically, but as a character she seemed tired, worn out.
-- This probably comes partly as a result of having heard of the prince's passing but also a general curiosity about old age, partly mixed with my own feelings about how it must be very wearing to lead a life that is meant only for duty.

8th May 2021

Fragment:

Mom, new medications, a swap or trade for her? (not sure what I meant by this and recall is too gone)

Fragment:

Watching HW play an undead rogue wearing a T2 helm, he's sort of streaming PvP activity where he's killing other horde players but also alliance, not focusing on any particular group more than another. He is in a full party with some friends who are helping him with the PvP?

(gap)

HW is visiting me, at a mix of my current and old home. I'm with him in the kitchen, downstairs. There's a moment of intense laughter when I or he make a joke, sort of together, but I forget what it was about. We're about to head upstairs and I go into the pantry (what pantry, which home?) and grab the only two beers there, as well as an orange juice drink in a similar but clear glass bottle. I ask HW what he wants but he doesn't seem to hear me. I ask him again once we are upstairs, also asking H if he wants one of these things too. I have some feeling of concern about who will pick what?

9th May 2021

Fragment:

Planet-landing, some colony and I'm? using a tank to take over the colony. Something about it being a job in planning by others for three years. I prove them wrong by myself by assaulting a base and then I eventually get some reinforcements to assist me. Then in a cave, the dream changes and becomes about wrestling or some form of free fighting. I remember breaking things up, made of wood.

Dream:

I'm in a place like L with H, walking across a busy street. It's sunny and looks pretty much as I might expected, considerably busy too. I see MB walking ahead in front of us at one point as we walk to wherever we're going but H doesn't notice or care. I feel annoyed and think to myself "yeah, you walk away you bastard" as I watch him go up another street on an incline, beside some kind of train or transit station.

We eventually go up the same street too and H says he's going to call someone (one of our parents) but he notices the phone number is totally wrong for the contact, deciding to ring anyway and finding out who it might be. The other person answers and is equally curious and confused but they are nearby so we backtrack a little to a bit with a cafe. We approach and H talks to this person he had been on the phone with. I don't realise it in the dream but any awareness of them drops off as I focus on my aunt B who is sat at the next table over, facing an unknown dream character who is her friend.

For some reason, as we get talking, this unknown character is showing me the inside of her mouth, which impossibly looks bigger on the inside than on the outside. Under her tongue, there is a pepperoni pizza pattern thing going on, but it's some kind of fungal structure that is an uncontrolled infection. I remember being told about this but in no detail.

---

Notes:

- The last dream with MB was about four months ago.

- The dream recall for all of these is poor because while I did make initial notes, they were extremely brief and I had planned on getting around to typing them up sooner, whilst recall was still fresh, but the days didn't allow for it.

- For some time now I have been feeling like there's something wrong internally, on a physical level. I worry on some level that part of recent dream symbolisms are related to this but I have no real basis for this other than some recent aches that haven't subsided. Recently I have been getting random intrusive thoughts about cancer, possibly since that's essentially what AH passed away from.

- I had some more notes I wanted to put down but I'm currently distracted and have a headache, so I'm being unable to focus.

5th May 2021 ~9:20

Fragment:

A(D) messages me on Steam. Something about his birthday? Think he feels lonely but he doesn't mention it.

Dream:

Some dream where I'm walking with H along a pavement, along a road in a forested area with the occasional field. Reminds me of areas in my native country. It's daytime, afternoon?

At some point, we are at some escalators in an entrance for a massive building complex, maybe like a mall. H is no longer H. Instead, it's some unknown dream character following me for some reason; he wants to know where Da Vinci's lock box (safety deposit?) is kept, I think. I tell him "It's probably in one of the 800 ones".

I know where they are and lead him there. We go up a lot of escalators and a few wide stone staircases with shallow steps. Eventually we reach a more open (and outdoor hybrid) area where there are walls with rows and rows of locked panels, the locked boxes we are looking for. There are many people around. Da Vinci's box is one of these just around a corner. Then L arrives, he cautiously walks over to us over a gap or hole in the upper end of the main staircase leading up here.

In the dream, I know that L happens to be one of Da Vinci's direct descendants. Later in the dream I question myself about this logic, shouldn't I be too, if we are siblings?

Either way, he has a key for the locked panels and opens one, giving me something from inside. A crystal. It is elongated, about one foot long at a guess, it is a perfect rectangular cuboid with slightly worked edges/corners, it is a translucent purple at the "top" and a pure white translucent quartz at the other end.

It is a unique object that requires no power and allows one to simply look through it to see others and things through walls with a weak kind of x-ray vision. Later H, mom's sister appears, and she tries to steal the crystal which I had placed in an envelope. I confront her about it and she or both of us get defensive?

(there was more recall but I was too tired)

~11:55

Dream:

There were many other dream sequences but this dream was about helping mom. She was still a teacher in the dream and she was saying that her area was not doing as well as everywhere else in the country, in terms of grades and so on, and I try to reassure her by saying that "kids are and will be different" in different areas, so of course there would be a gap, I reason.

I help somehow, by cleaning up some dusty old church entrance arch area? It has faded greens and reds that brighten up a little once I clean the dust with a microfibre cloth I'm using. I believe the arch is all made of wood, which is painted these colours. I don't see a door to speak of, but the structure is ruined. Its pieces seem to have never been disturbed since it became ruined.

I ask mom about the church, she tells me that it's been this way since the last great earthquake. I think that it would have been undisturbed for a very long time, in that case? It's generally sunny in this area, some kind of square at high point of this old style settlement but I am under the shade of the ruins being under the arch.

Later, I'm not at that place anymore and am discussing something else on the phone with mom, but I cannot recall what anymore.

---

Notes:

- I'm quite tired today but still want to try making some observations for these dreams.

- Red and green are colours both with personal and non-personal meanings to me. On the personal side, they show the exclusion of blue, a colour that oddly enough has featured on its own in other dreams recently. But neither green nor blue are favourite colours of mine, although it depends on the specific tone too.
-- On the non-personal side, the colours tie in with the locality and ruins in terms of identity, especially because of the mention of the earthquake. Though perhaps an irrational fear, I have all my life been concerned that another event of that scale may occur some day during my lifetime, which would likely affect mom and dad.

- The thoughts that L would be Da Vinci's descendant really made no sense and the moment of questioning all of that was a kind of pre-lucid moment.

- The crystal was not supposed to be magical, but technological in nature. It was a very interesting thing to use although I think some part of me had unvoiced radiation concerns in the dream.

- On falling asleep again after the first set of dreams, I hoped I would return to something and tried setting an intention but I fell asleep faster than I could have realised and realised later I hadn't finished setting my intents and so on.

- Both of these dreams and other recent dreams have been especially reminiscent of my native country in their stylistic/aesthetic essence. I should try to make time to explore meanings in regards to this a bit, as I feel it could be helpful with how I've been feeling recently; I have felt particularly nostalgic lately but not of life there specifically, just in general of childhood and some other times.

- The fragment probably relates to the fact that a few people I know are having birthdays around this time of the year, but more specifically I used to know A's birthday date but it seems I don't anymore.

2nd May 2021

Fragment:

Initially something about Terraria. I'm on some kind of mini MMO server. It's 2D at first as it should be, but then starts to become 2.5D and eventually blends into normal reality as I exit some caves I'd been mining in. There was a lot of ore in the caves, but mostly copper and iron.

I exit the cave to an exterior location. It's sunny but I'm under the shade of a metal canopy of some kind. I have guns like in UT or something. There are some flying enemies nearby, to my right, and I think about shooting them with a beam weapon but I don't for some reason. They have wings? Are they eyes, maybe? Some kind of stereotype fantasy creature, at any rate.

Then I climb or jump down further ahead, where there's a lower roof, using it as a midway point to the ground. There's a human but he's some kind of boss? I'm talking with H at the same time, discussing what's happening I think. Some recall is missing but I eventually change to a traditional sniper rifle and fire at point blank range against the man's neck. I can imagine the bullet and it goes through the front of the neck but leaves no visible wound or blood and it gets lodged under the cranium at the back, on the right side.

But then the person becomes H and I turn the head to inspect and there's the lump of the bullet about where I thought it would be. I tell H it's fine, we'll get someone to remove it.

---

4th May 2021

Fragment:

Something about schools part of a network/group called "plus (something)"? I'm in a town but unsure where. Reminds me of my native country and there's these small and perfectly laid out buildings, which are taking over everywhere as if they are invading and replacing other things. The buildings are alien in origin or something, the dream implies, but they look like regular buildings in a modern style, though having something to do with this group of schools or something.

There's some kind of instancing effect going on and things phase in and out of reality depending on where I stand exactly; in the phase space there are only two specific things to eat for some reason and this becomes a way for me to identify that I'm in this phased space. I think something about the colour of the atmosphere changes too but recall is somewhat muddled and partly gone and some bits of this feel as if they were from an earlier awakening.

Some recall is missing but later on, there's some bit in a kitchen underground in a bunker of some kind and this is like the headquarters of whatever is going on. In this kitchen, there are two women, they are busy cooking and concocting things? I think they have aprons on but I don't recall any other details other than that maybe one had her hair tied up. They are the masterminds, it's implied somehow. They don't seem to care about my presence. The door to the kitchen is locked with some type of electronically controlled lock and some people want to get in here because a meteor is crashing soon and this is the safest place, even within the entirety of this bunker. There's a large window into the next room and there are random groupings of people through there. I remember interacting and talking with the two women but I'm not sure what any of us said.

Then the meteor hits and some people outside the room get scared but nothing much happens other than some prolonged shaking.

(recall gap)

Outside with someone, implied to be after the meteor hit on the surface. I was here before at some point in the dream but it wasn't like this, everything looks kind of orange and wrecked now, debris and general mess everywhere. There are dead headcrabs? The person I'm with is cooking and eating them.

(gap)

Some other bit where I see a city like London (which layout I know vaguely) in some kind of overview and it's broken up by ravines and mountains. Someone wants a new map made to reflect all this or something and I or another dream character draw it on some kind of black sandy stuff with a stick or rod? The lines are a dark blood red.

30th April 2021

Fragment:

Seeing from outside the windshield (in front) of a jeep that dad and L are in. Dad is driving? There's a kid at the middle of the back seats. In the dream, something suggests this to be cousin R, I think through an old style printed square photograph.

(in terms of view, perspective, stabilisation etc... this dream was like that bit from "what is love?")

---

1st May 2021

Fragment:

Visiting a chocolate factory. Implied to belong to the person who I learned a bit about just the night before, when I was reading up about some chocolate I was having. I see the old man that I saw featured the previous night and his clothing is more casual and I think about how I expected a labcoat like in the featured image, but I do not do a RC or think further about it, perhaps because I'm continuing to walk through this open space which is part of the entrance to the factory?

It's more like a theme park really, I'm there with two friends, I know one is JoCo but not sure about the other.

(this dream was quite long but I got distracted I think)

28th April 2021

Fragment:

Spoiler for short explicit fragment:

Something about my genitals? I try to clean up but fluids (semen, blood, urine) are leaking.

Fragment:

Repairing a circuit board but the solder is a vivid cobalt blue and the soldering iron is magnetic which annoys me because it frequently moves away against my will. I don't do too well anyway. I have to go across some traces but I'm not sure which ones and find myself wanting an original board for a side-by-side comparison so I can know what I'm doing.

Fragment:

AH is alive. We're in a library? It's dark and there are some computers too, I think. The shelves and furniture are all dark wood stain.

AH looks much younger, younger than me, even.

Fragment:

Blueberry tart thing which some guy makes over at a cafe in L. This guy is a young chef, pretty stereotypical look for a white male of his age of that area. H is with me at some point, I think I become excited about the food?

---

Notes:

- I have recently seen AH's profile be online, this has confused me and I haven't attempted to communicate with whoever is using it. I have some sort of apprehension about it because I'm afraid of it actually being AH, which I know would lead to me ultimately feeling betrayed and deceived, again.

- In the first fragment, my first thought after recalling was that the three fluids in question are inseparable parts of what it means to be a living being of our complexity.
-- The requirement of satisfying basic needs is something that has always both bothered me and intrigued me in some sense. I have often wished that these mortal aspects did not have to be a part of our existence as conscious beings, but part of me also knows that a lot of meaning is/can be derived from the needs of survival.

- Come to think of it, it's curious the blueberry tart involves blue and the solder was a essentially a vivid blue, too. I am not sure right now of what significance it has at the moment.

27th April 2021

Fragment:

Something about flying through space. There's something like DSP to this dream. I am checking out a planet, but as I approach it, I realise with some surprise that it's one of the Deuteria systems I'd already built on (in the dream). I then set course for a greatly distant star system? In the galaxy map, I can see this system has three stars.

I arrive there pretty quickly despite the distance. The dream is not fully like DSP and the three stars are in odd placements around the system, sort of hiding within tight clusters of planets. There's an interesting play of light and ambience as a result.

Fragment:

I'm in the context of old home but the dream location details are vague now. I remember being in something like my room(?) but the house layout feels different and on a bed or a table there's a number of my drawings. Some are explicit but I don't try to tidy it up. Something about being called through to another room, by dad?

In the dream, there's an implied sense that my parents know about the type of things I draw sometimes. I feel some discomfort about it but in the dream it's more like the general discomfort or embarrassment from parents trying to be a part of things you don't necessarily want them to be a part of.

Something about going to meet up with L?

(I left recall too long and allowed myself to be distracted)

Fragment:

In the van/car and it's overcast; hail is falling.

---

Notes:

- Some days later, there was hail, but I don't remember looking at the forecasts.

- L is the only person in the family who knows that I draw explicit artwork now and then.
-- Part of that dream certainly relates to my feeling of isolation from being unable to discuss the subject very openly with most people.

Japanese learning fragment
There was something about apparently being close to done with learning Japanese at home. I also had to use the bathroom, but, for some reason, my mother was in home office there. My home was also quite distorted, in a way. It seemed much larger, and different, also in comparison to the start of the dream to the end of the dream.