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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Heading to a swimming pool, I never get past the locker room. I want to pee but the toilets are all occupied with kids. Find one available, but it is really dirty. I get my clothes dirty from the toilet dirt and I have to wash it on the sinks. The sinks are weird, really tall and made out of a slab of stone with water falling to a drainage, like a waterfall. I have to climb on top of the slab of stone to reach the faucets. As I wash my clothes, I notice two people sitting nearby watching what I am doing. One of them is a priest.
Afterward I go to an office. There is a guy there who is seen as a hero, because he did something brave and reckless, like skydiving or something. But he is now completely afraid of something totally harmless, but I don't know the whole story.
There is a lady in a table at the back of this office who is serving delicatessens and also teaching culinary arts to those interested. I am totally amazed at her dumplings. She makes them very artistically. In fact she is also an artist and she paints everyday objects with beautiful drawings. She also has some of those pieces on display. I tell her her paintings look like Lolita Lempicka style. (Something sounded off about my comment, so I did some research and Tamara de Lempicka is the artist I meant, Lolita Lempicka is the name of a perfume, but I was close enough )

bedtime 23:15-30?
final waking: 09:00?
out of bed: 09:20
wine at dinner
watched some video before bed

first waking 01:50?
didn't look at clock for intermediate wakings
waking 05:50
some trouble getting back to sleep -- performed TMI meditation prep steps (motivation, golals, expectations, diligence, distractions, posture) and relaxed and fell asleep eventually

earlier:
+ Son S2 taunts guy on bike right to left girl in middle, guy gets mad chases S2 left to right, I go there. He's hitting S2 with some large sack. I'm trying to defuse some contraption with live 220V thick wires, I take one wire out and am trying to put it carefully to the side, I'm concerned about being electrocuted. Later we're riding in the back of a vehicle on a highway, the back is open and I'm fumbling with a bag, and I see my favorite blue&yellow (University) shorts fall aout onto the road, they're gone and I can't get them back

+ walk by the windows of an indoor facility, I think it's early morning, there are a number of people inside, point at guy "you've been here all night!?" looks grizzled. There are 3 service windows, as I approach the left one the man there closes it, I get upset and complain that he did this just as I approached, he asks me what I want to do, and I'm surprised, I don't know at first! I "remember" that I want to send three things/letters that I'm holding in my hand, I look at them and try to decide what they are.

+ pizza restaurant, earlier, we're all glad that they're opening a ("Pizza Hut?" "Pizza World?") restaurant right across the street from us, I'm thinking "we can drop in there any time we want for a fresh slice!". Then I'm thinking "I (we?) could become the (manager? owner?) of this place. <discontinuity, more dream content> I'm back again at the pizza place, this time on the inside of the complex in the hallway, at first it appears like there's only counter service, but I eventually see some inside high table/counter seating. I think what I want, at first I think sausage, but then I decide to ask for Pepperoni with extra cheese.

late:

+ weird vending machine: I want to buy something, put in money, and push a bunch of buttons. I think I need to push all the buttons leading to the item I want. But instead, this buys *all* the items at each of the buttons that I've pushed. I'm thinking what to do with all this stuff I don't want. There is a small pack of bread, and containers/baggies of various pills. There are people around me. I offer to sell these unwated things to them, and somewhat to my surprise, they're all interested. First I sell the bread to a guy, I'm inspecting the package to look for the price, and eventually I see it is "45 <local currency>". I see that peopple have bought and taken a lot of my stuff but not with interacting with me, I say "hey, wheres' my money?!" they point out that it is on a counter, I look there and see a pile of coins, so it's OK.

+ [DO] I'm on a list of people giving a presentation at graduate school. I see my name about 3/4 of the way on the right, Since I've finished grad school I'm not sure what the point is of me being on this list.

+ in car outside (steep driveways?) talking with (former colleague?) about a conference?

+ on bus, stand up and get off, thinking about clothing, there are other people there, I exit at the back

+ outdoor large parking lot, huge van shows up, older man is cajoling his (son?) for not giving him enough money for his business: "$6,000, is that all?! I need more!" he says. His business is apparently buying & selling large bags of dog food. I see one of the bags on top of the truck and it is spilling a bit of the kibble around. It is a long large truck, he has a ton of inventory I think. There is a car in the parking lot farther on with two women, one middle-aged and one younger (wife & daughter?). They get out of the car. I'm focusing on the younger one. She has very attractive and shapely breasts apparent through her top. I'm watching her intently and she turns from side to side and I continue to try make out the shape of her breasts, and I'm definitely enjoying this and appreciating the view.

+ at my laptop at home, I'm looking at some pictures of females, they're not terribly risque, but my wife is there and I become self conscious, and so when she comes by I close the lid of my laptop. I hope she won't notice but she does, and insists that I show them to her. I open it to show one and briefly close it, hoping that will resolve the matter and she'll move on, but she won't drop it. I start getting a sinking feeling that I'm really in for it.

+ (vague) something about friends from our student's house at college. I see CL (guy) there, he's among people speaking a different language? I'm also with DD, and we have some goal, using a mobile phone, to block or interfere with something that we don't want to happen.

Created Monday 21 September 2020

Man, this is such a relief. Got a WILD and some scraps today.

Spoiler for another wordy LD:

Scrap Group 1
Working in one of my old jobs.

Something about wandering around during a grey day. I was in an altered version the south-eastern parts of town, between some of the shopping district.

Dream 1 - Chao's Containment Vault

The visuals were a bit blurred, but clarified over time. WILD transition in bed, so noted by the sound of my breath amplifying to deafening levels. I still felt my real-world body. So, I took a minute to sense my dream form. I started by imagining movement from my hands, then arms, and so on, until I'd enough presence to roll off bed.

I walk through the lounge, the only illumination a dim twilight peeking through the windows. Both housemates were up and about in the kitchen, rambling on about something or other. I ignored them in favor of rummaging through the fridge outright. There was a lot more food than usual. Notable items included a whole leg of roast pork, and a small chocolate chip cake in a cake keeper, both on the top rack. I tore out a few pieces of the roast. Would've been better heated, but it was quite fine nonetheless. The cake, on the other hand, was wickedly delicious. Not just its flavor, but the textures as well, a mix of thick, moist, soft, and crunchy that combined all too well. I helped myself to three big pre-cut slices.

Once satisfied, I hurried towards the front door. Two windows replaced the one normally beside it, specifically a short window atop a larger one. Looking out the clear twilight, I floated up, then tried phasing to launch myself into space. But, as has happened recently, I was repelled.

The dream began collapsing into a pitch-black void. Acting quick, I dived back first through the ground to warp. I felt myself in bed momentarily. It took some concentration, and a lot of reassurance, for me to warp. Within less than a minute, I found myself floating in deep space. The stars were initially quite faint, then appeared rendered as in 16-bit, before clarifying to a more natural sight.

After enjoying the view, I beset myself towards a TOTY appropriate for the scene (the spaceship one, to be exact). I launched off at light speed (if not faster) further into the cosmos. The pressure of space twisting around blacked me out momentarily, but I endured, and regained consciousness with even greater clarity. A HUD was framed at the edges of my view, reading out random attributes. To the bottom-right was a rotating model of the Enterprise from Star Trek. Wasn't sure what any of this meant, nor was I willing to find out. Instead, I concentrated on locating the target ship via internal radar. As in a previous dream, a continuous beep was soon heard, which became louder and more frequent as I pressed on. Suddenly, an AR map was displayed ahead of me, charting stars on a seemingly endless grid. Both my target and myself occupied points within the same cell. Or, as I gathered, somewhere within the same solar system. I was close.

In a moment, I saw it: a rocket, blazing ahead. Anxious, I trailed it closely. After a short chase, the craft landed onto a reddish-brown planet. I did likewise seconds later. As expected from the view above, the immediate surface of this exoplanet was a rocky wasteland, nothing to see but stars and the ruddish-red rocks of the mountains.

After a brief search, I caught sight of the rocket, a yellow craft that was a lot smaller than expected, no bigger than 15ft in height. The captor aliens weren't far. I tensed myself for a fight. But, to my shock, I realized these were just Chao, the baby-like critter from Sonic Adventure. Each of them were dressed in silly little aluminum suits and glass dome helmets. As I gawked in awe, two of the Chao drew in, curious expressions on their faces, as several others shyly hung back. Their small frame was all too apparent as they got closer; they were barely taller than my knee.

Seeing such innocence made me regret what I had to do next. "Sorry, little guys...", I muttered out. With hurried trepidation, I began dismantling their rocket bit by bit, starting with the tip, then ripping out the thrusters, and continuing on. The Chao's plaintive flailing and whining made this all the more difficult. I kept telling myself "they'll rebuild it, they'll be fine", though I wasn't so sure...

Then, halfway through, I pulled out a large, hatch-locked steel container. No doubt the target captive was inside. I unsealed the door, pressurized air escaping with a dramatic hiss. Soon, a... thing crawled out, a long, spindly creature as black as pitch. It (tentatively) resembled a human-sized stickbug, albeit with four limbs, and no visible head. The Chao, upon seeing the captive set loose, wailed in panic. Something bad would happen if I just stood by, I could tell. Acting quick, I secured my charge in my arms, then blasted off into space.

I made sure to project a life-sustaining forcefield (colored beige) around us, just in case the liberated creature needed air and such. Next, I tried interfacing with it. "Do you know where your home is?", I asked. Besides feeling it squirm uncomfortably in my arms, I got no response. I cruised around aimlessly in space as I thought how I could deal with this. Just then, the dream collapsed in a void. I did my best to re-enter, but got no results. I woke up shortly afterwards.

Media References:

Spoiler for Chao from Sonic Adventure:

Only Jamie Dream I had was she was at a table with a ridiculous amount of lines of coke... Really hope she is not doing harmful drugs anymore... And i really miss the dreams where we would hang out lots.

Work Related?

I was lost in some abandoned city. I tried callinga guy from work for a ride home. He answered but acted like he couldn't hear me. I kept saying ,"hello, hello,"

disturbing

Very disturbing dream where i was a woman in this dream and I was raped in a dark room.... I won't go into the details.

Family

A family related dream. I was in a town somewhere with my dad. something about music..

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I'm in Belarus, I meet a family of 4 American tourists who are downgrading Europe. I step in and tell them about an average life of an European, to try to convince them they are wrong. I am not convincing the father, so then I turn to the daughter who seems a bit more open to it. Then some lunatic appears out of nowhere with a knife and stabs the man several times. No one else wants to come close and stop the killer. I pick up different things to use as a weapon and I approach him. I hit him in the head with something heavy and knock him down. Meanwhile I spot a big tornado in the horizon. I look around for places to take cover and see an entrance to an underground market. Unfortunately it is not very safe place, because it is basically an open patio excavated on the ground. Still, it is safer than the surface, so I drag the Americans down there with me. We try to find places to shelter and hang on to. I see a storage room that is made of concrete with a metal door and I slam it open and get inside.

meta:
--------
bedtime ~23:30
video before bed
ate two muffins while watching
waking 02:20?
waking 04-05:00?
BTS not hard
snoozing 07:00-08:00
spend fair amount of time reviewing dreams during the night
out of bed: 08:15
feel a bit groggy in the morning like not completely well rested

dreams:
------------

earlier

+ I'm putting on a pair of white summer-style white pants. I'm not wearing underwear. I put them on and they stretch around my legs, and since the weave is not very tight, the tan color of my leg skin shows through. My wife mentions this and says that these are completely inappropriate. I am not convinced and want to first put on underwear before deciding.

+ In (mexican?) restaurant, I put on mariachi robes

+(f) close-up view of son S1's face/mouth while eating two candies at once, I tell him slow down eat one at a time

+ in room with my young kids with bins of candy like in candy store, I think this is too much candy

later:

+ [fairly vivid, moderately present] on boat turning counter-clockwise, sitting on edge legs over side, two othes to my right concerned falling pulled under chopped up or left floating alone in ocean. boat's going forwards over ocean, pass over sunken crashed boat/plane shallow, see (dead) pilots in cockpit, ~3 of them clearly. imagine govt sends team to recover black box, a panel of enemy govt officials are laughing because the material of the plane is too hard to open and there's no info left anyway

+ [fairly vivid, moderately present] arrive to parking lot in car, get out, and roof is gone, oh, it's convertible, but I need to close it now, inspect remote, people walk past, find a joystick on remote and press the joystick and it closes the roof, press lock and the car locks, walking to store, get shopping cart? inside store entry way long corridor turn towards food section. in food section very long large section fairly dark, there are many empty bins, I'm amazed how empty the produce section is. The produce I want is not here. I find a pack of thai chilis, I'm pretty sure. There is a clerk unloading produce and tells me I should wait for the <???> because they're being unloaded fresh right now and will be out shortly. I ignore her because I do not want to wait. The produce looks really sad, a lot of it is visibly moldy (fuzzy mold growing all around it). there is very little attractive in the produce section. turn to go, and pass a display with blueberries packaged in flexible plastic "squeeze" containers, orange colored package, I put two into my cart.

Some close ups of girls <ahem>s area, blurry can't tell if they're still dressed or not

At some point I'm trying to find my way back (?) to the produce section to get more blueberry packages but can't find the way?

+ young girl's birthday party, there is a single prize balloon, two girls are trying to get it and only one succeeds. view of young girl's drawing book, with flip-page animations, very colorful

+(f) scene with a driving instructor in a car driving down the street

+ restaurant counter scene, chinese restaurant, middle aged white man is standing up to leave, he didn't have to wait he says and was in and out very quickly, it was not busy. the cook is standing behind the counter, I approach the counter and sit down

Been pretty busy lately and too tired as a result, but still been able to make note of some loose fragments.

---

17th September 2020

Scraps:

In a town or city. Doing some climbing with my old school friend C, in some old part of a town.

Something about a "debug" viewmode of a landscape set used as a backdrop like in Freelancer (I think I meant like a skysphere).

Something about a physically encoded (computer) memory that could be transmitted by light. A prize?

---

19th September 2020

Fragment:

From a fairly long dream. In this part, the dream plot was about WW2. I was in Nazi Germany and I was coming out of a building just when I and someone I'm with suddenly receive word that America has declared war on Germany.

The two German soldiers (with their contextual Nazi outfits) standing guard by the doors just outside the building overheard this as we were coming down some steps and commenting or something. They turned their heads ever so slightly toward us, seeming surprised about the news but not moving an inch from their post. They turned their heads straight forward again as we continued walking and then we walked past them, into an open street, I think.

Then at some point, I and other dream characters thought it was "high time" that we returned to our original time, in the "future". We had to get back to some sort of time machine pod.

I remember being in the room with the pod and it could only take one person at a time. This place was hidden somewhere in town? It was a concrete room and was very well lit, with large white fluorescent tube lights.

---

20th September 2020

Fragment:

Something about plain old items being an example of how a new storage unit thing could store multiple types of items. Recall faded quickly for some reason. Some lingering feeling of being related to games I've played recently (BL, Fact).

meta:
-------
bedtime: 23:00-30?
waking: 01?
waking: 03?
shocked awake 03:30 neighbor cutting firewood
Not making progress falling asleep , get up & sit in other room.
final waking 08?
Long time recalling dreams
get up: 09?
Fairly tipsy at dinner time, several glasses of wine. Steak & salad for dinner, plus remainder of our desserts (cheesecake and a chocolate cake thing), then our apple pie while watching a video
Watched video before bed

dreams:
-----------

early:
+ motorcycle ride on highway, turn right onto highway, a guy riding a fast (black) motorcycle streaks by me, weaving in and of traffic. I'm riding along and I come up on a guy riding a standard, I like the standard style and think about this. I think it's a Honda, and I'm weaving left and right of him to get a look at the model name on the gas tank but can't quite see it, but I think it's a Honda. The highway veers off to the left and I take the off-ramp to the right, I think I'm heading to city "A" (next to home city of B), the landscape is empty low hills. As I come to a stop sign I try to remember where the breaks are, on the left or the right handle. I remember the right handle, and squeeze the right handle bar break lever and push the right food lever. As I come to a stop I remember at the last minute that I need to downshift to first and quickly push down my left foot on the shift lever and click it a bunch of times to get to first gear. I start again and go slowly, this is not a powerful bike, but I feel like I'm holding up traffic and pull back on the throttle and speed up. The road goes up and to the right, then heads down, these are tight turns, very twisty, and I get the impression this road is not heading to a city but out into the wilderness. I have a feeling that I won't be able to make it back if I continue (I forget I'm on a motorcycle? I'm worried about the uphill portions on the return trip). I stop on a landing and look around, and a guy on a bike zooms approaching from the other direction up the hill, not visible because of the sharp elevation change, and jumps into my vision in the air and continues off, from my right to my left. I look around and see vague collections of orange-ish blurry dots in the distance. All around, spread out among the hills all around me, I think these are camp fires.

+ I'm playing basketball. I can't make a shot, and even layups won't go in. I'm playing with a cabbage instead of a basketball? I can't even make a simple layup. My opponents are goaltending and just blocking all my shots, really dominating me. The cabbate is in a large bucket of water/brine and a big leaf separates from the head and floats in the water.

later:
+ [epic, long, vivid, fairly present, two lucid moments]: I arrive to a new job at company N, I'm really happy and proud to be here. I'm walking in the corridor between cubicles in a large indoor office space. I show off my new badge on my right hip one of those id badge roller things. It is a sort of brownish mottled looking design without a picture, I think it's just a temporary badge. I soon come to a cubicle where a young guy is, blonde hair, (name of "Claus?"), I have a long technical conversation with him about the C model he's been working on (for 3 years?), he's finishing up this work.

I walk about some more, I see boyhood best friend MR and my mom approaching me down a corridor between offices (the wall) on the left and cubes on the right, there are people in front of them and I try to catch their eyes from a distance. I feel like MR meets my eyes and that we will have a mutual recognition, but it will be a surprise for him. My mom comforts a woman in front of her, a widower who lost her husband recently, my mom hugs her from the back but the woman doesn't want the comfort and shakes her off, the woman has a very pinched, bird-like face, it's an old, wrinkled face, 80+ years old. Her husband, someones [narrator?] says [or I remember?], was the man who saved Ev.McW.'s father [boy scout friend] [false].

Walking among the cubes, I see a tray of cookies, and I pick one up and take it with me and eat it. It is a medium size, circular, with a moist chocolate filling center, and surrounded by a ring (about 1/4 inch) of sprinkled seeds like sesame seeds.
I come across a guy and see his face clearly. At first I think it is RoWh, but Rob was fairly fat and this guy is thin. He's standing facing me, and I'm looking close at his face trying to place him. I say "I'm sure I've worked with you before." He and some other woman comment on the "tatoo" on my lip and this confuses me. They're talking about the cookie crumbles on my face and I'm a bit ashamed of this. Standing among the cubes, these people are now in their cubes and are wearing masks. I say that "I've been away from the workplace so long that I forgot that people wear masks now," and I'm concerned about the fact that I forgot to bring a mask and wonder where I'll get one.

I'm wondering now about the day's schedule, and if there will be an orientation. I find (or she finds me) my HR person managing my first day and she hands me a schedule. I look at it and see a number of hand written notes, and think the first entry is about 2pm, and I feel relief that I haven't missed anything because it must be far from 2pm still.

The HR lady brings me to a demonstration that a team is putting on on an open floor area. There are tons of little lego pieces spread evenly out over about a 1-square meter area. I step over this and try to avoid stepping on any of the pieces. The word "minefield" is spoken by somebody behind me. The demonstration begins, and little active "AI" pieces that look like flies, with ltitle moving legs, are gathering all the loose pieces together into a single flat area/pile so that there is no space left. This is using AI technology. That's the whole point: to gather up the pieces and bring them all together into an area with no space between them. The HR lady is also watching, she's wearing a white tank top and shorts, and she squats with with her knees out widely to watch the AI presentation.

+ [different scene?] I'm in mall walking among stores. I'm nose pinching to determine if I'm dreaming. The air seems blocked, but not completely. I can't tell if I'm dreaming or not. I keep repeating the nose pinch 3, 4, 5 times. Each time it seems like some air gets out but it's not flowing easily like it should. I concentrate on the feeling of my fingers on my nose, and it feels completely solid like a waking nose. I know that the nose pinch in a dream should feel like my airway is not connected to my dream body nose, but it seems in this case that it is. Unclear results of the RC [but I'm counting this!]

+ [back to the work dream] It's time for lunch now for the new hires, mingling with the employees. Standing in some corridor among the cubes, leaning up against a wall on a corner between hallways. The cost of lunch is $1.75. I'm not sure if the new hires are supposed to pay or not. I bring out my wallet and prepare three $1 bills. I'm trying to be coy about this and get somebody to say "no no new hires don't need to pay." A very large (tall and wide) screen across the open area on a far wall is displaying the two major lunch groups, with the names of long-time employees [so we can decide which group we want to be in?]. I go in. I see meet a guy I think I may know. He shakes my hand. He makes a gesture like "woah, your hand used to be all the way out here when you shaked before, you've lost a lot of weight." And then Ne.McK. (grad school friend) is there, I recognize him, he pulls up his shirt to show his abdomen, that he's lost weight, too.

I'm now thinking about someone else I knew, Jo.Sa. from high school. I can imagine his face, but have forgotten his last name. I think he's a colleague here, too. I'm wracking my brains trying to remember his first name, even though I know he worked at company A [true], he works at this company N now I think? I finally "remember" his last name, "PUSHKIN!" I exclaim. I ask the guys "hey, does he have Russian roots?" They say yes, "his family were landholders." I am excited to learn this information, and pump my first in the air and exclaim "Yes!"

+ I'm standing [still at work] at a printer(?) station. There is a young woman there, and a colorful scene/patch of sky across from me even though there's no window, and I'm looking at the quality of the colors and the clarity of her face, because I know it's a dream, and I want to examine how things look and feel in a dream.

[wake]

+ I'm in a vague indoor area with slanted floors on different levels. I'm carrying something and I put in in a shopping cart to bring it along with me. My old boss from comany P (in NY) is there, riffing on a guitar. He's quite good and the music is interesting. I think he's going to come with me on my walk through these rooms and he'll keep playing his guitar.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I have a broken window and my cat Yéti escapes to outside. I go get him. A storm is coming and my mom screams when a thunder bangs at distance. I go back inside. Besides my actual cats, we have dozens more weird cats in the house. One is purple. Two black ones look like alien pigs. Also there is a nasty dog growling at mom. I growl back at him and he goes away. I put everybody and the cats on a bus and we go on a trip. A yellow cat gets out of the bus at some stop we make and doesn't want to come back inside. Seems to adopt a service station we stopped at. He finds other cats there he connects to. I accept him wanting to stay there. When I am ready to go away, I find a strange vase in the bus, with a message and a flower bouquet. I open the paper to read the message and the bouquet starts beeping and smoking. I tell everyone to run as it seems to be a bomb. It kind of explodes, but not a deadly blast, instead, it releases a swarm of tiny drones that first form a heart shape, but then start hunting us down. Most of them are locked on me. Others disperse and shoot at everyone else. I run into a building nearby, seems like a mall. The door is made of glass and does not lock on the inside. I managed to take cover inside and close it behind me, but someone else comes in and the drones take advantage of it and come inside too. I ask a Japanese girl where is the bathroom and she points me to a cabin on a corridor to the left. It's one of those Japanese public restrooms with glass walls that get opaque when we lock them from the inside. But it has some malfunction and the wall confining to the next toilet does not get opaque. A Japanese man comes in to the next stall and also realizes it. We try several things, then he says he is there just to nap anyway and clicks some button that pops out a small bed from a cabinet. I say I also just want to hide for a while, so I pull down the bed too and plan on staying there for some time. But the door keeps unlocking and opening, so at some point, I decide to get out and keep moving. I spot some drones looking for me, one comes face to face with me, identifies me and calls for backup. I open another door, it's a pediatrics clinic and a lady there finds weird that I have no baby with me, but I push my way in. I can watch through a window that outside one drone catches some dude that was not even part of my group and injects something on him. Then a kind of larvae comes out of his eye and soon his entire head is ripped apart by growing tentacles that attach to the wall with suckers, leaving his body hanging in there while being engulfed by the alien being. I decide again to face the drones outside and gather all my Jedi skills to avoid all their hits and knock them all down. I even rip them apart with my bare hands. Then I call for my friends and tell them to come out from their hiding places, because I've disarmed the swarm. They come and we gather around dozens of destroyed drones on the floor.

bedtime 00:30?

wakings: 02:00 , 04:14 (bathroom), 04:35 can't fall asleep get up sit chair telescope/stars, 04:55 back to bed, relaxation techniques, fall asleep

04:14

+ In some (University?) setting, I'm offering a friend to play (handball?), there is a vague (transparent? grapefruit-sized malleable "ball" in my hands, we're walking (to the court?) and talk about a volleyball team, I think I should join because that's a good way to meet young people (girls?) , we enter a dinner/cafe and sit at tall long table in the middle of the room, the tables/counters all around are strewn with leftovers, it's dark-ish in here, I think we're going to drink beer (and wonder if we'll be OK to drive after that) and eat (pizza?), look on counter next to kitchen see piles of food (pizza with melted cheese) covered with newspapers all along the counter, I approach the counter and think about hot links sausages go to look and see vague wrapper on counter, can't see anything not sure if it's a hot links package or not.

+ [DO?] (younger) dad in garden pulled up by his collar (instant replay) with a look of pain on his face

+ keys to the boy scout troops equipment rooms, the rooms are spread out across different towns

+ standing in line approaching service counter, crowd of people, line is unruly, some women in line jump in front of me I believe

+ scary corridor the room is lost hear friend but can't reach, there is no path any more, I'm scared/panicked, pacing back and forth in the elevator landing looking for the door to the room I remember being there before where my friend is, hear voice but can't get to her, to prove that she's there, I (put?) a mirror on the wall and she wacks the wall with her hand from her side and breaks the mirror, she's yelling/screaming for me

+ [DO] sleeping bags dual entry I think for serious cold camping but g/f L thinks its for animals, I wonder about washing them, g/f L says you need to wash them after (30?) days. They look like two smaller sleeping bags that are sewn together at the foot, sort of a "sleeping bag for two." One side (the left side) of each pair is a bit shorter than the right side. They look too short for me.

+ how to get out of the garage? Lots of debris, get out, pile of construction garbage nearby, workers comment on the driveway of neighbor we're standing in, owner won't like it that we're there.

08?

(weaker recall)

+ (f) lion? (new d/s) in distance / riding bicycle old time handles

+ (f) crossing intersection at busy road, waiting for light

+ football play (instant replay?) View from on-field sidelines I'm standing on the right hand side of the offensive team's direction, there is a wide receiver set up on the right side, the play starts, he runs out after a delay, the defending side I think holds/pushes him too much, he gets out and runs his route but the play goes to the left side of the field, it's a short pass, and after a little maneuver to avoid a tackle the receiver doesn't make much yardage.

+ wife on vacation? in Paris?, I want to returnr immediately stay a day or two more I think, she offers a whole month

+ scene indoors with my old dog L, he is standing there and snapping at flies as they pass by his face. I think this is amusing. He keeps snapping at them but never seems to catch any of them.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm in a car and Simon is also there. We argue very hard and there are many angry emotions involved.


Notes: My brother is annoying me when he is talking about all these games that I don't actually care about. He insists on telling me things that I don't want to hear.

I am at my old high school, specifically in the weight room. Manei is there, demonstrating her ability to lift hundreds of pounds with relative ease. Though provided dream bodies don't degrade from inactivity (and the fact that everything is imagined, and just a construct with no physical limitations besides the ones imposed by my subconscious) this seems to be a rather pointless endeavor besides getting a dozen or so gym rats to oggle her in disbelief. I am spotting her and slowly becoming lucid as things progress. Eventually she decides she's done working out and the two of us leave.

We begin navigating a fairly faithful recreation of my high school though eventually arrive back in my bedroom in my new house. There is some unusual temporal stuff as this seems to be happening simultaneously with another event.

In it I am on the street in front of R's house at night, Manei and Marcus have followed me here. I am explaining an enhanced form that I had discovered my ability to access at some time ago. Manei doesn't seem convinced until I show her. How I went about changing forms wasn't easy and whatever I was trying to do, she thought I was just yanking her chain with the first couple failed attempts. But eventually I managed to get it. Now I would be lying if I said that I hadn't accessed this form before on a few occasions, but in the dream I expressed a familiarity with it that could only be explained by false memories or repressed memories of dreams that I haven't written down.

I first explain that this enhanced form comes with an extra set of arms; meaning that I have four arms rather than two. IIRC I documented another dream about the first time I experimented with an extra set of arms and how the first set of arms seemed to be my real arms and had much more intuitive control, where the lower set felt like extra and took more concentration to move. Since then I seemed to have developed an at least competent level of awareness and control for my second/third set of limbs. I also go on to mention that upon waking up I often feel as though a part of myself is missing and that I have "phantom limbs" where my second set of arms should be, at least for a few hours after waking up.

The dream transitions back to my IRL bedroom (though it seems to be an iteration of it before it was painted.) Rather unusually I'm in my waking life body (theres a mirror in my room to confirm that.) Manei is laying on my bed. This has come to define an entire genre of dream that has gone mostly undocumented on this site where I think she is expecting something else to happen here but every time it instead it turns into a therapy session for my personal grievances with life and existential dread.

Being in my WL body feels so restrictive, so lethargic, and slow by comparison. All of my dream control abilities that I would normally have access to seem restricted. My perception feels so linear and so fuzzy. This was something I've verbalized with her before. In dreams the world can sometimes seem so impossibly detailed, clear and vibrant that coming back to reality you sometimes feel like you're going through life with ear plugs in and looking down binoculars made of toilet paper rolls. I vocalize this by saying something to the extent of. "I'm trapped in a weak, fat flesh prison and every night my soul yearns to be free of its suffocating and claustrophobic embrace." Going on to explain that I feel like my body badly limits what my mind can perceive and do, and my mind limits how I want to think about the world and reality because its from a human perspective.

I can tell she thinks I'm being a bit overdramatic and waxing philosophical in my wording but seems to understand my plight. Though I cannot help that fact. In dreams, particularly lucid ones, I often find that when I commune with other dream characters I don't even say a particular dialogue. I communicate with concepts and ideas. If it does translate to a dialogue it can become stilted or somewhat awkward to write out. Hence why more and more my dream journals tend to omit this dialogue.

...

Second dream. Starts out in front of R's house as night. I remember having this device that looked like Captain America's shield but had a rocket engine in the center of it. Initially it seemed like a fairly useless contraption but I pretty quickly cobbled together that it could essentially be used as a hoverboard. Though it only has a single downward thrust vector and is thus very difficult to control. (Why my subcon seem to be so concerned with accurately emulating thrust vectors during flight for stability and maneuvering in the same dream realm where one can fly by sitting in a chair and then lifting up the sides is still a mystery but let's ignore that.)

Theres some flying. Theres a large OTD lake with dream characters swimming in it. Jak makes an appearance. Except he's comically muscular. His torso and arms are like the size of a house, but has a regular human sized head on him. He's trying to swat me out of the air but I'm dodging him for some time. Eventually I get careless and he lands a hit. I lose the flying shield and am stuck in the water.

...

I had yet another Lucid that started out in front of R's house at night. (This actually seems to be an extremely common dream location. I would make a note to mark it as a dream sign save for I always find myself lucid or at least semi lucid every time I arrive here.) This time around I decide to fly with my thrusters. Flying starts off low and slow but with a bit of encouragement I manage to ramp up the speed, impressed by how well the dream renders the nighttime clouds and lights of distant towns as I ascend higher into the atmosphere. Though rather quickly I begin to sense that I'm shooting off too quickly and start to fly off into space. Luckily I'm able to arrest this in time and begin orbiting earth.

I descend near a city in America, I believe it was supposed to be Chicago judging by the presence of the Willis Tower in the skyline but I landed in California. It was just after sunset. I began looking for Manei, making my way down the street to a beach. The dream was crowded with a lot of dream characters doing beach activities, buying food and concession stands, carrying surf boards and the like. Eventually I find her relaxing in a beach chair in a bikini. Though her form is minced with a male and has long curly black hair everywhere. Her pits, her stomach, her face, and a very noticeable bulge in her bikini bottom. I find this some combination of funny and just odd but try not to make a mountain out of it. If she had a dollar for every time I'd minced my physical form.

She gets up and we open a dialogue for a bit but the dream fades out pretty quickly.

Bacon..?
I don't remember the dream, but some sort of glimpse of memory was triggered by eating bacon. So maybe it was about bacon?

My last entry was a tad more than a month ago. After shifting training methods to work exclusively on the fundamentals, I feared the steady state progress I was currently viewing would slow down momentarily. What I didn't expect was for it to plummet spectacularly. My dream recall took a brake for about a week, wake-back-to-beds were nerve-rackingly difficult to pull off, and for days I could barely get a full night's rest. But through it all I pushed on.

I began building awareness day by day up to this very last week when I saw glimpses of it seeping into my dreams. Were in prior entries I would innocently follow along the story, the last few nights brought questions against the logic behind each dream. Today, I am proud to see things getting back on track, with a new lucid dream. I want to point out I did attain one more lucid dream during my time away from this journal, I simply chose not to share it. I was debating if I should keep this new one to myself as well. The fact is, my dreams haven't gotten any more noteworthy than the rest. I think they've never been as special as other entries I've read around here. There are forty lucid dreams to my name and I haven't been able to go beyond a couple of steps inside, beyond a few seconds at most. I've never talked to anyone in a dream, never known what it feels to fly in a dream, no chance to see or explore, there's nothing. It's frankly demoralizing, more so when I read other people's journey, far more exciting than anything I could hope for, many of them within their first five or ten lucid dreams, some during their first.

I want to share it however, perhaps because there's the possibility of another person like me, who struggles getting their foot through the door once lucid, so that they can see my progress and hopefully learn something of value through this journal. It's not much right now, and I'm honestly expecting nothing changing towards the end of the year. I only hope the amount of practice ends up paying off in the long run. To the dream then:



I was at home standing in front of a window, staring at an empty space. It was dark and most likely raining outside. The lights were off. I kept listening to water running down to the ground on my left. I thought I heard footsteps pacing about farther into the distance. But then, I heard them closer. The air was thicker now, and I sensed danger looming nearby. Expecting an assault or robbery, I immediately shut the window close and put the lock on. I wait. I'm not sure the window was properly closed, so I swing it open and lock it for good only this time, it hits me that this is a dream.

I am dreaming.

I take my eyes off the handle and set on an empty dark space outside. The feeling of danger falls almost directly upon me. I think something will pop out from below that window and jump scare me. I try to calm down. A vibratory force makes its way up against my sides and onto my neck, enough for me to wake up.

Meta:
bedtime: ~1am? (celebration yesterday, and generally messed up day running errands, my schedule was thrown off)
First noticed waking:
out of bed: 9:45am

I have grogginess sufficient to fall back asleep and eventually do, try body scan, mouth & eye relax, visualize quiet scene, river with sounds, lake scene, and start floating in/out of wakefulness


05:55:

+ A garage area roll-down door is closing, there is a guard stationed there, I block the door at the last minute and crawl underneath. There is a whole gang of bad guys in there and I've infiltrated. I have a key and mess with the floor-locking mechanism on the door. I get up and start walking resolutely. Bad guys are all around me but are going about there business, ignoring me because they assume I belong. I walk through different rooms & areas (washing machines in one?) and keep walking ahead, not making eye contact, wondering how long this can go on before they discover me.

+ restaurant table woman arrives drops something, should I pick it up as a gentleman would? I dither on the decision

+ moving restaurant table, I go from a multi-person table to a smaller table so as to make room for a larger party at my first table.

+ work setting, woman hears man talking thinks it's bad about her throws a cup of water at him through a hole in the cubical walls, scene shifts to see that guy in his cube, angry and raging about that he just uses that whole to talk to his cube neighbor, he starts ranting about "pubes" and shows his pubes (big bush) to his cube neighbor, keeps ranting "pubes! pubes!"

later:

+ I'm on the downhill slope of FL (neighborhood CH to the left and down) approaching the corner at AV, rolling (ball?) with a friend who is ahead of me, the ball rolls down and to the left on to AV. A bright turquoise blue car (Mercedes?) (the color is really striking and gets my attention, the rest of the dream seems greyscale, it is dark-ish, evening time) drives by me closely on the left, stops, and now comes almost directly at me, I wonder if he's trying to hit me, it seems like it, should I get out of the way? I stand in place and the car's left side (heading up hill now) brushes my left leg. I think the driver is just going to keep coming at me. I see the driver inside the car (light, white/cream colored upholstery) seems to be lying down in the front seat, I see a bottle, I assume he's drunk.

+ (f, vague) feeding the cat? water bowl is dirty with bits of food in it?

+ in PTL, move from MB to S1's room, one guy there, I'm naked, being a bit of an exhibitionist, the other guy pulls his pants down, I toss a wad of paper into the top of his pants like a basketball hoop, want to show it to those around, another guy comes (relative of the first) and first guy mentioned what I did, I think I should get dressed, I pull a pair of rainbow underwear out, rainbow striped shaped like women's bikini bottom, put it on, the size is a bit off, I say "this is a large"