non-lucid

Morning of June 13, 2021. Sunday.

Dream #: 19,900-04. 2 min 20 sec read.





After letting go of attention to post-hypnagogic navigation (lucid in every sleep cycle long before I ever heard the term), typical residual factors eventually become the foundation of a new dream. Often, staircases emerge from a wall and drop like a Murphy bed to correlate with my transitioning vestibular phasing response. (This process occurs after my first dream of walking and losing my footing with rapid falling, and in another dream signifying my loss of mobility of my arms - sometimes with another dream character dropping something. The third correlation typically displays REM atonia indicators such as a statue or sleep simulacrum as the corresponding feature in this dream.)

I become aware I am an unknown woman in a sheer white nightgown sleeping with her body draped over an outdoor staircase in daylight. I am also a giant tarantula about the size of a person. It is an ambiguous dual perception, though I am more focused as the spider on the woman’s left. I am still both. The building is on stumps with open space underneath, and its outdoor staircase is about five steps, leading to an open doorway into a large empty room with a wooden floor. There is a vague essence of the Arcadia, Florida school grounds in the 1960s, but with no correlation with its waking-life appearance.

I consider what I should do. I am not focused enough to viably navigate my present status, but I recall the dynamics of ASMR and summoning content to stimulate my emotions. I try to create another giant tarantula.

Another giant tarantula (protoconsciousness) appears. Its legs are as big as tree trunks as I hear its loud steps. It is exponentially larger than my tarantula form. It is so big that I only see its legs at times. Although it continues to walk past the part of the building I am near, I anticipate it will look through a different doorway (about 20 feet away), perpendicular to the entrance I am near, and it does. Even so, both my sleeping woman form and my spider form are below the doorway’s line of sight. (In this dreaming experience, I forget that waking a sleep simulacrum sometimes vivifies a dream.)

The giant tarantula speaks in a human voice, “You may be asleep now, but will you be asleep at this time tomorrow?” He is speaking to both my forms. I could pull the woman down the steps, and we could both go under the building and remain there for a time, but I decide not to do this. I do not feel much emotion as it is more like a surreal game.

I decide to leave my sleep simulacrum and run at an angle toward a beach. It feels strange running on my eight legs. I notice a long pipe that is open on its end, but I consider it might be too small to navigate.

The other giant tarantula keeps going in a direction away from me and is no longer in the area.

Now there is a duck hunter at a distance who shoots at me with a rifle with no effect. I consider I will be able to walk on water over the ocean. I think if the other tarantula returns, he will be too big to follow me. Additionally, the man has no boat.

I become annoyed by the duck hunter continuously shooting at me. I shoot small missiles at him from my eyes (REM ocular response) without any effect as my dream fades.

---

12th June 2021

Fragment:

At a supermarket, buying some things I think in the frozen food aisles.

Unfortunately can't recall more than that anymore.

11th June 2021

Some in-line notes, in brackets.

Fragment:

I'm in the bathroom at the old home. I'm having a wee or something, I think I'm fully naked (probably since I sleep that way and if I got up for the bathroom, it would be the case anyway). I notably recall that the light is on (but there is no reason for it not to be and the situation seems normal enough).

I hear the front door opening and notably I hear T's voice and a male stranger. I deduce they are friends and hear them come into the house. I'm aware of it being quite late and so I find it a bit odd. I can sort of see through the wall, mentally, getting an idea of where they are. T either comes up to the bathroom door to talk to me or I called. We talk about something but I cannot remember what and I feel pressed to put some clothes on to get out of the bathroom, maybe to find out more?

The feeling I have around the stranger is mostly that of suspicion, I think because of the late time. I think about going back to my bedroom and possibly imagine it visually.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Keanu Reeves is my school colleague and he has a math podcast. I am trying to get him to notice me, but instead one of his friends shows pity of me and brings me flowers one day.

I am cleaning up my stone oven and notice a gap on its top, through which light comes in. A brick is broken and I find a kind of a shelf hidden behind it, where there is a box with a silver inking kit. As I remove the items and clean up that shelf, I find more stones are lose and remove them, finding an opening to a whole room full of books, a record player and a vinyl collection. I am so happy to have found this room, but then spot someone behind a counter and realize this is a shop.

I am a worker at a beautician. A client needs manicure and wants to paint the nails black. We don't have any black nail polish but my boss insists I use a dark blue one. Instead, I sneak out to go buy the black. The lady I left waiting starts complaining.

I've been having some quite strange dreams lately, last nights was no exception.

I was spending the day with a little person version of The Rock, and we were going to watch a wrestling match. We go in, and get settled into our seats. The arena was lit up with tons of lights, and the ring was a very pristine white. Cue the music, and- T-pain. Of course, it was also a little person version of T-pain. He is speaking into the microphone looking for a challenger, when my friend Little The Rock launches into the ring, and lands in a splits.

It was so bizarre I woke up.

9th June 2021

Fragment (5:30):

I'm in an office building. It's day time and there's lots of light coming through a skylight. At different points I'm different people. It's quite busy here. Something about making a breaded fried chicken enterprise (i.e. a joint business) and physically half making it and the other half being bought from a unique source. I remember myself scraping some chicken off one of our blue kitchen plates into something else, like for cooking.

Scraps (10:00):

(Several dream sequences but recall fragmented.)

One sequence about Q?

Another bit near the end of a dream, I'm walking through some kind of cavern. It's dark but I might have some kind of light source. Someone else is here with me, following me? I am looking for something, an exit maybe. The cavern is not straight or flat at any point. I walk past corpses on or next to mattresses. Maybe some are alive, but either way, they're related to some previous part of the dream. I think I was trying to lead a bunch of people and they didn't like my ideas or what I was doing, which was why I ended up in the caverns.

Something about shooting some objects with H, but not sure what we used. Some kind of explosions were supposed to happen from the objects being shot.

---

Notes:

- I went to the bathroom and got back in bed with a WBTB intent after the first recalled fragment.

- I went to bed at night with intents about lucidity and waking up in the middle of the night.

With Adam F at the school dance with hot pink lights in pozen, bleachers on both sides, crowded with people at 2am. We're standing and swaying and he's looking at my sketchbook for some reason.
"you can look at it with me if you want" he says. There's an unspoken sense of aggression.
He lowers it down a foot for me, as if I'm really short.
He says something and I respond by saying this is exhausting--the standing, constant shuffling, showing your work and the small talk--but then I hope he doesn't think I'm talking about him specifically. but I don't backtrack, and instead start putting extra effort into my body language to make up for the perceived slight.
I think it's going well.
He is commenting thoughtfully on the pieces and it seems like he might be into art.
and then he points to something and turns the book towards me to show me, and brings his body really close to mine. I thought he had a girlfriend
And looks down and the top of his head brushes mine and I look up and I can smell him and see the beads of sweat on his red hot face in the deep pink colored room
And he comes back and forth in and out, swaying with me a bit aggressively
and he never makes eye contact once while doing this. EVER. In a coy way.
but he knows I am so turned on
and he starts saying really douchey things while he towers over me and practically presses his chest into my face, and my knees are jelly and the smell of his cologne fills my nose and he starts saying really awful things
and there's a page of my art with a female character, and he gets closer and starts spitting and drooling on what I made
and it soaks the page enough to warp it and there is a thick webbed pattern of warm viscous saliva dripping from it into my hand now, and he smiles and stares directly into my eyes for the first time and tells me how he would love to blow a hot load all over her
and I feel my face is white like I'm going to throw up
and he walks away slowly and casually as if I wasn't there and slams the book shut in his hands, then drops it casually
and it hits the floor heavy like the slam of a metal door and makes me jump and curls my lip, and I see the pages crumble in on themselves
and my head feels dizzy and hollow, like it's floating away from my body and I don't want to try to move because I know I'll throw up
but some short girl comes and takes my hand with her soft one
another one asks if I want to call 911 but I say no no no but I'm glad someone else saw and asked, and the first girl leads me gently out of pozen into the warm hallway.
I feel like I was traumatized but I don't know why that did it, maybe because I didn't expect it from him. Or the anxious bad part of me did, but he tricked the good side of me into giving him the benefit of the doubt and lowering my guard.

I'm sitting down under an old dark wooden table in the pozen hallway looking at my crosslegged feet and someone else asks if I'm okay, and I look at the girl who helped me. She's under here with me
She looks like Becca K, with a modest tan jacket on
And for some reason she dissapears and I go back into pozen looking for her.

I'm playing football with Gabriel and Albin and some other people that all are immigrants outside. It reminds me of my old school. Gabriel is on the opposite team and touches the ball with his hand which makes it so that we get a free kick. A person from our team quickly shoots the ball but misses. After some time another person touches the ball with his hand which makes it so that we get another free kick. I am able to kick it but decides to give it away since I feel that it is going to go bad. After some time a person from my team makes an impossible shot. He shoots with the outside of his foot and get a really good spin that makes it so that the ball turns right mid air and goes in the right lower part of the goal. Some kind of magic is present that lets me do something evil against a person but I don't remember what it was.

Notes: Yesterday I thought about how I wanted to play some sports but that I have to wait until I meet some friends I can play with.

I'm on an airship around a round table with some other older people. They discuss a plan that I am a part of. I'm outside the airship and looking out.

I'm riding a cart on a rail in a dark tunnle with some other people in my age. We arrive in a dark old room that is made of old wood. There are now about 4 other people in my age and my chemistry teacher. There are some levers that I test out. When I turn one on a rail system is changed above us. There are several railtracks that we can use but only one is the right path.

I'm flying with a woman in the sky. The clouds are pink and I try to enjoy but a constant worry is hanging over me.

Notes: My mood has been fluctuating a lot recently.

I'm talking with mom in the guest room.

Just one dream with Jamie in it. She seemed to be giving me a serious talk. But I don't remember what it was about...

7th June 2021

Fragment:

At some version of my current home. Through the office window, I see a flatbed trailer with organ and piano consoles on it. It implies the room is actually at ground floor. I am excited when I see a lady playing on the consoles as I approach the window. I go out of the room and call H to come and see; he comes with me to the room to look but now she's actually in the room, which seems to have expanded in width. I try to get her attention but she's focused on her playing and she's wearing headphones but eventually realises and we say hello to each other and so on. She then talks to H about something, she seems happy or content, smiling at us a lot. There was more to this dream but I cannot recall it now.


Dream:

In a city, I'm by a body of water. I enter a skyscraper building located here. It's empty of people but has automated systems in place and is not abandoned. Sliding doors open automatically and I enter a huge ground floor lobby. The building heavily features tinted glass and there's a blood red colour scheme which on some level I really enjoy. There's a sunset, but I don't see it directly, just its effect of light and shadow length. In the lobby, I nervously but excitedly approach a lift entrance, the doors slide open immediately as I get close.

There's a console in this bit which isn't the actual elevator yet, I use a password "number3" and I'm relieved when it works. Another set of doors, like mall lift doors but sort of like blast doors, slide open and I enter the lift proper now. It quickly takes me up to the top of the building or something, an off-limits area. I exit the lift and enter a sealed room with no windows, some glass sliding doors opening as I walk in, into a second room that really didn't require that separation by the glass doors. The colour scheme remains the same. I know I'm trespassing and fear being caught, but I revel in the fact there's nobody around.

I use the same password as before at a computer terminal at the end of the room, it's in a sort of alcove and it's a touch-screen which had sort of flipped itself around towards me. The terminal grants me access to lots of things, but I'm not sure what. I return to this dream location through the exact same process later on in the dream, but when I do, I arrive at the building in H's van and am talking to him over the phone.

I remember another part in-between the two times at the building, in the middle of the city instead. I hear a group of guys talking trash. One guy says he listens to people's life stories of things gone horribly wrong or traumatic events and then he himself manipulates people by copying these stories and pretending they actually happened to him even though they didn't. Eventually, feeling I heard enough, I feel angry and come out around the corner I was listening from. I walk towards where his voice was, but now there's nobody there, even though I remember seeing them just before. I'm still charged with the emotion and don't stop myself from having a go at him verbally, even if he's not there anymore.

Suddenly I take notice of and become distracted by some buildings that are here in front of me. They're very concrete-like, bare, no windows, like they're half-finished but in the dream I feel they are more half-abandoned. I enter one to my right, it goes further than it looked like it would and feels like I'm sort of walking into an industrial area. I go up a low incline concrete ramp. Here, I see an alien egg and shoot at it with something which makes it burst and then something scurries out but I somehow capture it at a distance using something else. Ahead, there are more eggs and I have a proximity scanner (not unlike in Alien). I shoot these eggs and they all burst in a sequence, again crawling facehugger things come out and I try to capture them all, only just managing to do so. I was concerned that if they got away there would be too many drones (I remember imagining this).


Scraps:

Mom, dad and T. I'm getting a drink and talking to dad, in a kitchen that looked like it was part of some hotel rooms I remember us staying in when I was a kid.

Some other dream involving M/M themes or something.

A different dream where someone was commenting that my junk was too visible through my clothes, I felt resentment at the comment as I felt it was not in my control.

---

^{Quick Edited} Notes:

- Re-reading the main dream I realised that it's somewhat unlike most of my more recent dreams, which to my memory seem much more emotionally neutral.

- Alien related theme probably came from recently watching some of that stuff again. The link with concrete doesn't seem clear but the concrete in itself may relate to both emotional states (or lack of) and my own view of my own art at times (unable to depict emotion); Alien has a direct link to Giger for me and therefore to a specific style of surrealist art, too.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I was accused of committing a murder, but was exonerated from the charges. Still, people believe I did it and especially the family of the victim and friends and neighbors, all treat me like a murderer and I feel this constant aggression towards me from people, wherever I go. But to be honest I really can't tell if I committed the crime or not. All I feel is that whomever the victim was, was not an innocent being and his/her family is equally disgusting and unworthy of breathing, so maybe I did it. I still feel a good person and victim of injustice anyway. Also, there is a dog somehow involved in the story and I am happy the dog is fine and was not harmed in the process.

5th June 2021

Fragment:

Here at home, with H. We're going downstairs and we get ready to go out. We have some kind of playful tussle or disagreement.

(recall was too weak despite having felt very present in the dream, mind wandered after waking)

Fragment:

Middle or end bit of a dream, first part involved one of my aunts and was in a building. Later, in a town like my old town, sort of sunny but cloudy? I'm walking along the edge of town, slightly higher up than the rest of it which is in a sort of dip.

There's a Covid context but nobody is wearing masks or distancing properly. I'm not myself anymore, now I'm a male character and I'm walking outside with this young woman. We're about the same age and we are a couple. We're in the middle of town at one point and it's busy. Someone mentions something about white gypsies and I wonder to myself if this isn't offensive in some way. I'm following the woman, she has a slim build but I can't remember what she's wearing.

She bumps into an old lady a bit carelessly as we walk into a sort of square area, the old lady says to her "you'll have to self-isolate now!", in a somewhat vindictive way that implied she'd just passed on infection. As we walk through town we eventually become lost and we ask a middle-aged lady for directions. She shows us the town on a paper map. I try to figure out and understand where our house is.

Vague recall but later, after several very deliberately "dream-like" encounters, with recurring characters that appear and disappear at different points and with changing physical features such as a lift that shifts it's entrance, we walk through a dark tunnel. Sort of subway/transit hub-like in style, just an access corridor, but there is no light, I don't recall how I am able to see.

We then enter a different room, slightly brighter and kind of large, but still dark and underground. There are four characters here who block us, or have our full attention. They appear like teenagers or something at first and then morph into large and sort of fat orange worm-like creatures, their long bodies are sort of ribbed; they retain some human aspect, a face perhaps. They gloat, as if they'd won or something. One says "the human body is 0.91 grams of sodium. 68% sodium" and the illogical part of the math just passes me by but in the dream I'm so fully in the role of this young man that I don't really think like myself anyway. The creatures imply that we are be feed for something, either them or their master, but this something is small, I feel.

Everything actually feels dreamlike for most of this bit, I think about how we (me and my female partner) must be having a joint dream and these creatures had invaded our dream to bring us their gloating message.

Eventually they let us go and this idea and feeling passes, especially because I expect some dream-like transition but there isn't one. We go back to our place though I don't recall how we get there. It's also dark and dingy, most of the second half of the dream is. We have to get some things to eat, which we pick out of this small polygonal box. She picks something, not sure what now and it was apparently the right thing to pick, as a character appears and groans complaining about how she made the right choice. She had apparently sussed out that there were certain script-like sigils that had to do with the bad characters. I struggle to pick something myself, eventually picking this odd and partly rusty metal object with a somewhat industrial look to it. It has a bit of that rust converter's purple tinge too. The object has a hex key end on one side and the other end of it widens out a bit; the object is very sharply faceted.

I openly ask and wonder if this is the right thing. Seems that it is though and then we are somewhere else. Still dark, there's a table. My female partner is engaged in some activity with her object, maybe firing arrows made of light? She seems obsessed, almost drunk with power or something. I try to figure out what my object does. There's a man here with us, too, he had appeared before in the dream and is some kind of guide, in his fifties or so.

I use my object like a pen over the table and it seems to write in ink made of light. I effortlessly make script-like sigils like those from before except made of light. The drawn sigils over the table flash and quickly fade away once they are complete.

---

Notes:

- I went to bed somewhat late and I had looked at a few things in the shed beforehand that may have just fed into some of the shapes in the dream, such as the polygonal box and the faceted metal "pen".

- I don't recall hearing or thinking about names at any point, even the woman I was with. She mirrored me in several physical aspects but I remember nothing about the character I was, I never saw myself, I simply "felt" like someone else, including physically to a point.

- Many of the environmental elements were familiar to the area around my old home, except geological features, which were more like lowlands or short rolling hills.

- The worm creatures' physical appearance seemed to be based off flexible ducting type of tubes and their orange was a sort of bright workplace orange kind of colour.

- Odd that I felt I'd title the second fragment as "not myself", since that is effectively the (actual) problem mom had just last night.

- After waking, most of this second dream did immediately feel very symbolic and story-like. My female partner felt like an anima archetype (especially as she later became apparently domineering), and the character I was in the role of felt like a hero archetype.

Last night I was on a party and the dreams just kept on having the same atmosphere and people from the party. Can't recall that much but remember that there were more people and action.

I'm on a bridge over water in the night. Stefan wants me to bake a cake with him. We are looking for ingredients but the eggs seem to be bad.

Gabriel and I are talking in front of a big cave. It's still dark.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Meet a man who claims he got a visit from an alien who kidnapped his dog. Me and my mom and some others come visit him at his place, and he shows us how obsessive he is now locking everything and bringing his other dog and his cats inside. His dog is a poodle and he keeps him tied with a rope, long enough for him to move freely around the living room. He explains the alien was a Vulcan and I visualize Spock claiming he too the dog away for his own benefit.
The guy turns into my mom's neighbor, Marco, and he and mom go to the kitchen prepare food. I am in pajama for some reason and I ask to use the toilet to change. Then his house is a hangar.
When we gather around a large table to eat, we wear some yelling outside. We check and there are robots outside, one the depressed robot played by Alan Rickman on the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, another one is a bit more aggressive and eats humans and he is demanding a sacrifice. One guy offers to go while the others just shrug. I am shocked and I want to stop it. I go outside and try some distraction. Not sure what, but works and they go away.
Back in the hangar we party, we have a ball. I dance with a girl. I see there's 2 guys also dancing with each other and I suggests we change pairs, but they seem ok together and my pair also seems to prefer dancing with me. Turns out she is gay, and she tells me about her wife. I feel chemistry between us and I wonder how she feels about cheating on her wife, even if just mentally. Then there is a play and some dude on a stage is acting a monologue. I find him boring, so I leave for a walk with a few others and we end up on a pool in a park. Only I swim. Another girl is offering some candies to people but not to me and my friend, so we snatch the bowl from her and get a handful of candies to ourselves. My friend feels bad about it but I don't, I feel like she owes me something. The candy girl then wants me to buy a special brand of coffee she sells, but I say I don't have money to spend on it and that I also have a neighbor who sells it too and would prefer buying from her.
After we end up at a retro hotel and I start seeing what happens there from the perspective of just a viewer. Some beautiful lady with her entourage is checking in, one of her aides is a deformed woman with a creepy robot doll that talks. There are some famous actors like Tom Hanks as guests and the story turns into a musical with silly dances. Later on there is a dinner at an aquatic room. All the VIP guests wear a jelly mask around their nose and mouth, that allows breathing and talking. I don't know how they'll eat. The room is gorgeous like an underwater cave with seaweeds dancing, fish swimming. Then the person at the head of the table complains he doesn't want to share dinner with a killer who is in the room. Turns out the doll is under investigation for murder. Then I recall this story being from some novel and there being a vintage movie adaptation and I relive it all over again, but in the vintage version. In it the hotel is the same but the decor is slightly more simple. The foyer walls are painted in indigo blue, the deformed lady is not so deformed but has 3 pyramid shaped horns coming from her cheeks and forehead and the robot-doll is played by a real chubby girl with prosthetics. The aquatic room is very similar though.

I'm in town with Max. Our car is by the street and I want to show Max how I drive. There is a weird keyhole in the middle of the car that I try to use but it is blocked by some kind of black stick. I go to the front instead and turn it on the usual way. I drive away and do some backing. Max seems impressed. A 25 year old girl takes the formula car behind mine and starts to drive down the street. That makes it easier for me to park later.

I'm in the guest room downstairs naked. I have a pair of boxers that I hold in my right hand to cover myself as my friend walks in. He doesn't seem to be bothered that I'm naked but I feel uncomfortable and ask him to go out. He doesn't want to and I pull his arm behind his back so that he is bent a lot and he hurts. He says okay and leave me. I walk behind the door and dress myself. There is a book on the bed that I start to read. There are a lot of old pictures that I look on. They are so old that it looks as though they have used a sepia filter. There is a picture of a big ball, I thought. A closer inspection shows that it is a fat man's stomach. The next picture is of a doctor examining a woman and a man next to each other in profile.